Over the past few weeks, I have tried to be very cognizant of my feelings/emotions/ups and downs. In doing so, I have been too anxious to blog out of fear of opening myself up to people and criticism. That is one reason I have decided to remove my blog from FaceBook. Those who choose to read about me have to actively do so.
Another reason I have not blogged is because I fear of sounding just depressed all the time. Always doom and gloom…who wants to read that?! However, if I only blog when I am happy that does not create the full picture of what I am experiencing.
Starting today I am (hoping) to blog daily. I know sometimes life throws a curveball, but I am hoping journaling will actually aide me in this journey of mine into treating my bipolar depression.
I am supposed to keep tabs on how my medication is helping, if it is helping, what my mood cycles look like, etc. This is the note I have been keeping on my iPhone since my last psychiatric appointment on October 2nd:
Highly irritable 10/2-10/5
Lost patience with son
Ice pick headache 10/2 through 10/6
Depressed 10/3; Happier 10/4; Stressed but neutral 10/5
Depressed week of 10/13 (what happened to the week in between — who knows?!)
Great day with my son 10/12.
So much stress. Obsessing over ACA plans and next year’s schooling.
October 15th very happy and productive
Woke up 10/16 and 10/17 miserable. In bad moods both days. 10/17 angry as f*ck at my husband (going to exclude the rest of that comment)
10/19 Obsessive all last week. Today I am not at all. Pretty ok today.
I shall continue my list with 10/20 being a pretty good and productive today. Today, I woke up gloomy/tired/foggy like the weather but I have “snapped” out of that a bit and am starting to feel productive and neutral.
Well, there goes my last 3 weeks! I see my psychiatrist on Friday and will fill her in as well.