New direction

Over the past few weeks, I have tried to be very cognizant of my feelings/emotions/ups and downs.  In doing so, I have been too anxious to blog out of fear of opening myself up to people and criticism.  That is one reason I have decided to remove my blog from FaceBook.  Those who choose to read about me have to actively do so.

Another reason I have not blogged is because I fear of sounding just depressed all the time.  Always doom and gloom…who wants to read that?!  However, if I only blog when I am happy that does not create the full picture of what I am experiencing.

Starting today I am (hoping) to blog daily.  I know sometimes life throws a curveball, but I am hoping journaling will actually aide me in this journey of mine into treating my bipolar depression.

I am supposed to keep tabs on how my medication is helping, if it is helping, what my mood cycles look like, etc.  This is the note I have been keeping on my iPhone since my last psychiatric appointment on October 2nd:
Highly irritable 10/2-10/5
Lost patience with son
Ice pick headache 10/2 through 10/6
Depressed 10/3; Happier 10/4; Stressed but neutral 10/5
Depressed week of 10/13 (what happened to the week in between — who knows?!)
Great day with my son 10/12.
So much stress.  Obsessing over ACA plans and next year’s schooling.
October 15th very happy and productive
Woke up 10/16 and 10/17 miserable.  In bad moods both days.  10/17 angry as f*ck at my husband (going to exclude the rest of that comment)
10/19 Obsessive all last week.  Today I am not at all.  Pretty ok today.

I shall continue my list with 10/20 being a pretty good and productive today.  Today, I woke up gloomy/tired/foggy like the weather but I have “snapped” out of that a bit and am starting to feel productive and neutral.

Well, there goes my last 3 weeks!  I see my psychiatrist on Friday and will fill her in as well.

3 thoughts on “New direction

  1. Hang in there! It’s worth it in the long run. You will succeed. Headaches are usually caused by what you eat. Check out your diet to see if there are any triggers. Are you keeping a food diary. I don’t mean to add to your record keeping, but you may see a pattern to the headaches due to food triggers. Stay strong. Praying for you. Love Aunt Nancy

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  2. Hi, my dad who is 83 is bipolar (diagnosed at 75. Explained a lot about my childhood), and he HATES taking his meds. He says they make him feel monotone. He doesn’t talk about it and won’t take anyone to dr appointments. We know when he’s high, which is usually followed by paranoia and depression–and only then will he take his meds. How do the meds make you feel? Better or worse? I always wonder why he won’t just stay on the Zyprexa.

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    1. I recently got diagnosed and my meds have been slightly increasing. My usual state is depression. The past week I have been monotone to happy-ish, which is a welcome change. My mania is never euphoric but filled with anxiety and irritability. If it was euphoric, I may not want to lose that feeling. I can only speak for myself and any change from feeling down in the dumps, hysterical, and like a big bitch is welcome!

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