There were many times I thought about blogging this past week, especially when things were going well and I was very organized, focused, and accomplished. However, I stayed on task and did not blog. Today I feel overwhelmed, anxious, unfocused, agitated, and depressed.
Saturday night we went to see Ministry but my ear was in so much pain from previous sinus infections that we had to leave early. Monday I started new medicines that included steroids. The good news is my ear is feeling much better. The bad news is that, although it gives me extra energy, it makes me incredibly angry, annoyed, and, overall, pissed off. Each day I have a shorter fuse. Tomorrow is my last day of the five day pack but I do not know how long it will linger in my system. I am very sensitive to steroids but this seems to be the only med that has helped me with this over month long ear issue.
There are so many things coming up and that I have been planning on doing: new rules/check system for Roger’s behaviors, selling our old dining room table, Thanksgiving next week, sorting through our bedroom “crap” so that we can get hardwood floors installed the Monday after Thanksgiving, trying to figure out what Roger wants for the holidays, hoping to sell toys and donate toys that Roger does not play with, getting bags of clothes ready for donation, etc. The thought of all is just too much. I want to just hide under the covers and wake up with everything done for me!
Let me get through this workweek and maybe then I can breathe and get in gear for the holidays!
Today started out as most weekdays –with the struggle over Roger’s shoes not being tight enough. I know the weather change enhances some sensory issues. This Wednesday it manifested itself over a shirt to wear. The first shirt I chose was sweatshirt material. Roger said it was too soft and to get it off him. He was very upset. The second shirt’s sleeves were a 1/4 inch too long for him, so he completely freaked out for a second time. The third shirt worked but his shoes had to be tied multiple times. The walk to school had light rain. That he did not complain about. The walk home the rain became heavier. C’est la vie!
So today is a cold, rainy day. The perfect day to be under covers in bed. I tried to convince myself that I could skip my exercise for the day, since I did it the previous 3 days. However, this seems to be my cycle. By mid week, I usually start excusing myself from exercise. Since I am volunteering the next two days and have an ENT appointment, I know I may not have time which made today’s workout more crucial for me.
Well, I did it and it’s over and I’m glad I did it and I’m glad it’s over.
I am hoping to have turned the corner on exercise and wellness. Yesterday, I went to a yoga class for the first time in YEARS! It was a restorative class and last night my cervical pain has been at its lowest. Today, I did a 30 minute streaming cardio class. The first fifteen minutes seemed pretty easy but the last fifteen was pretty difficult. It felt great to complete. I am hoping exercise along with my Headspace meditation will make dealing with my own and Roger’s anxiety easier.
It’s Tuesday and it’s Halloween. The day started pretty okay. Roger had a mini freak-out over his shoes not being tied tight enough. However, besides that, the day has been good thus far. I spent my “lunch break” volunteering at the school’s book fair. It was actually quite fun being a cashier and interacting with the kiddos. I decided to volunteer again tomorrow during the time Roger’s class will be going to the book fair.
I have not been sticking to my calorie counting as strictly as I would like. I even had a few pieced of Halloween candy this weekend. However, I have been walking quite a bit more (roughly 12000-13000 steps a day). I have decided to focus on me and try to be better with the food and the activity level. I really need to start an exercise routine and that is the one aspect I am really having difficulty with. I know I will feel better but just getting in gear is hard. I’m not going to beat myself up too much for it. I will keep walking more and eating better. I will try to start additional exercise by the new year!
This week has been filled with lots of anxiety stemming from Roger. He is anxious about time and being late, which I am certain comes from me. He is also having meltdowns, again, about his shoes not being tight enough. I thought we turned a corner with that, but, alas, it has returned. He also stresses over the contents of his backpack and the messiness of his hair.
When I discussed with his therapist how he’s been talking back a lot and testing boundaries, etc., she said it was a sign of stress. The above symptoms clearly sound like he is under a great deal of stress. If I ask him or his teacher about school, all seems okay. Roger discloses very little about school, but has not wanted to stay home from school. That is my indicator that all is well. His teacher says he is great. There are some fine motor issues but his temperament is fantastic. I think since this is Red Ribbon Week and they have different dress up categories each day, he may deem that as stressful. Anything out of the ordinary. Next week is a “normal” week (barring Halloween, but they cannot wear costumes to school on Halloween), so we will see if his anxiety is lessened.
Roger’s anxiety puts us all on edge. I feel like I’m walking on eggshells and do not want to cause an episode if there is a hiccup with the day’s plans. It is very stressful. This is how it was a couple of years back. It is often heralded that autism is cyclical and there will be periods of regression for some behaviors and that seems to be the case. Poor kiddo. A seven year old should not have so much anxiety and stress.
Initially, I was going to make this blog a remainder of the week post. However, today I am feeling quite cruddy and that’s just discouraging. I have been eating healthy, exercising, and doing meditation. Instead of energized, I feel like I’ve been hit by a bus. I still have this same sinus infection/ear infection. It has almost been a month. The antibiotics do not help and, unfortunately, today I started wheezing a bit. That means a third trip back to the doctor’s office next week is most likely. I did tell Rob that if I still feel this terrible on Sunday that I am taking the day to rest/sleep. Work and after school have been very busy and a tad stressful. I have had very little down time this week. I am sure that is not helping my recovery.
However, I will now list the positives of my week: being a classroom helper on Tuesday, Roger advancing to the next level in swimming, starting a liberal local book club, a very good teacher conference on Thursday, coffee with some great ladies this morning, dinner and conversation with my parents on Wednesday, and lots of love and sweetness from my son and my husband. Seeing that list makes my infection not seem so bad!
Friday, a little bit after I posted my blog for the day, my husband got a phone call about his colonoscopy results. The polyp they removed was pre-cancerous, but advanced. The doctor seemed as shocked as we were and Rob now has to get a colonoscopy again in one year’s time. I am happy he had an early screening due to some gastro issues. I, too, have my second colonoscopy next year (due to having several pre-cancerous polyps) but I had three years between them.
Despite the news, we tried to make the most of the weekend: Roger had ABA Saturday morning, followed by a play date at friend’s house, and a sitter so we could have a date night. Sunday, we had breakfast out, followed by Six Flags. We were all exhausted after that! However, Roger got in my bed around midnight and I could not sleep after that. I think we both woke up for the day around 4 and got out of bed at 5.
My job flexibility enabled me to get 3 hours of work complete before my 8:50 doctor’s appointment. I had a blood test today to see my genetic probability of cancer (specifically colon due to family history) and breast cancer (because that is automatically checked). I go back on December 12th for my results. Even with the lack of sleep, my day has been pretty good so far with a lot of work done and Roger’s OT and play date looming ahead of me. I am sure I will be ready for bed come 6:30!