My therapy

Today will be an interesting day.

Last week, I started therapy with a new psychologist.  I dearly love my previous therapist (who is also Roger’s therapist).  She diagnosed me with OCD and Asperger’s.  She, too, struggles with OCD, so we had a connection.  Unfortunately, she is in such high demand that having a consistent appointment would not be possible.  She recommended the therapist I met with last Friday.

I think I overloaded my new therapist with years of information in such a short period of time.  However, two issues that I have had recent problems with and are intertwined are: 1. lack of sleep (yes, still 3-5 hours per night) and 2. my reaction to trazadone.  My doctor and previous therapist decided to switch my Prozac to a medication that would also be a sleep aide.  The amazing part of trazadone was that I was sleeping a whopping 6 hours per night.  The downside was I was not myself.  I was on the medication for 2 weeks and feel like it remained in my system last week as well.  My husband thought I was out of it.  I was in a haze, but then had bursts of energy where I’d clean, shop excessively on-line, make a million plans, be obsessed with my phone even with my son around.  I decided to stop taking it when my husband kept noting how I was not present.  Once off the medication, I started remembering all the purchases I made, my consumption with the stupid phone rather than life, how I should not have been driving, how messed up on a prescription drug I had become.

Describing the above to my new therapist, she suggested that I see a psychiatrist because my lack of sleep and my reaction to trazadone is prevalent in Bipolar Disorder.  I have to say my husband and I have used that term in passing due to my moody behavior.  She thinks I may have approached medication the incorrect way thus far.  I have not been to a psychiatrist since my eating disorder days of yore (decades ago!).  I am quite nervous.  After that trazadone fiasco, I am scared of any and all medication (except for my prozac and allergy medication).  I have a back specialist appointment next week and am even fearful of medication he may recommend.

There are many things I look forward to changing through therapy but do realize that medication may help me reduce my anxiety, stress, obsessive thinking, crazy mood swings, depression, etc.  I approach today taking baby steps towards larger strides in the future.