Here are some short writings I did at the workshop months ago. The topics were just exercises, like what is your favorite color.
Currently my favorite color is red. Why red? Mainly because it is my son’s favorite color. He eats the red popsicles first, chooses the red train, concentrates on the red instrument in music class. He always point to objects and says “red” excitedly. He is a sensory seeker and, to me, the color red is a reflection of that and a reflection of him.
I feel like I am no longer able to be what I want to be when I grow up. My focus is not myself, but my son. Maybe my “grown up” role is advocate. I am my son’s advocate and I would like to advocate for others. I facilitate the ASD Parent Support Group and hope to get more involved when I have the rest of my life in control.
Looking at multiple databases, my eyes squint comparing information. My head is aching and my eyes are strained. How many hours of this do I have left? It is becoming increasingly difficult to concentrate. My backside is literally aching. “Can you have the remaining 88 records completed in the next hour?” Although I say I will try, I look at the completed folder and see only 160 records completed in the last three hours. It is an impossible task. My mind is trying to move faster than the computer. Down to 28 records…that will have to do…
The life that was before…the life before Chico, the life before Roger, the life before Autism. I miss being alone on a city street, lost among the buildings, cars, traffic, crowds, noise. I miss being responsible for only me. I miss being able to go anywhere at anytime without much of a care (however, I have always been a worry wart, so I always did have a care!). What I do not miss is not having this great love that now flows from Roger. I love and miss the city, but would not wish to hide in that background anymore. I am now in this little city, making strides for my amazing son who is making strides daily.