So much of myself is defined by my son. My work at my place of employment is done to provide money and insurance for Roger’s therapies. My “free time” is spent driving to these therapies and engaging my son. My pre-work hours are spent getting my son ready for school and my post-work hours are spent getting my son ready for bed. My sleeping hours are spent at my son’s side holding and comforting him during his restless night’s sleep.
My husband hardly gets my undivided attention and I barely receive any of my attention — a quick shower, a 5 minute workout, seldom more.
This weekend I went to brunch and was mostly quiet. I realized that besides discussing my son I have virtually nothing to discuss. I used to be interesting. I used to read many books a week, watch various genres of film, enjoy art exhibits, see live music, have intellectual conversations.
I have lost a lot of me. I am at a loss on how to recover me. I am a mother first and foremost. A lot of my waking hours are spent on being a mother of a developmentally delayed child. I cannot shorten those hours. The other hours are spent feeling completely spent!
There is no easy resolution…first come awareness, right?!