About a week and a half ago another Ausome mom referred to me as a blogger (as well as great source of autism knowledge, which I truly appreciate). Unfortunately, the blogger part of me has been non-existent for the past 6 + months. There have been many moments that I have thought, “I should really write a post right now.” But just as thoughts of exercise or cleaning the house, the urge was not great enough to open WordPress. There have been many false beginnings when I claim to write daily and I utterly fail within weeks (sometimes days). This time I will not make that claim, or any claim for that matter.
I have discovered that my bipolar and mixed up hormones motivate me at intervals when I sign up for grad school, get started on healthy eating and exercise, and try to “conquer the world”. However, that gets washed away and I have weeks and, at times months, of exhaustion, despair, depression, body aches and pains, lack of any sleep, etc. Right now, I am back on the saddle of plan-making and told my hubby, “I definitely HAVE to start grad school” in the spring. But, in actuality, I do not HAVE to. I want to. It’d be nice to have my MLS/MLIS but it’s not necessary to my existence or work. I am aware how fleeting my feelings are and may feel completely different tomorrow (or in a few hours!).
My poor family has to struggle with my struggle. I was doing really well emotionally on Trileptal but my sodium level plummeted and had to go on fluid restriction of 33 ounces a day. I LOVE drinking water. And during these 90+ degree days, that is insane! My medication was switched and I am starting to feel more even keel. In addition, my testosterone level did not even show up in bloodwork. I had to change my hormone replacement therapy last week, also. Let me tell you, having a hysterectomy was the utterly worse decision I have made in life. I did have issues prior but they did not feel as extreme as the past 3 years! My last issue was high cholesterol.
Geez, I am not even 43 (well, I will be in a couple days) and I have the issues of a senior. I gotta REALLY start taking care of me or my weeks will be like last week when I had 4 different doctor’s appointments. This week I only have 1!