The Non-Blogging Blogger

About a week and a half ago another Ausome mom referred to me as a blogger (as well as great source of autism knowledge, which I truly appreciate).   Unfortunately, the blogger part of me has been non-existent for the past 6 + months.  There have been many moments that I have thought, “I should really write a post right now.”  But just as thoughts of exercise or cleaning the house, the urge was not great enough to open WordPress.  There have been many false beginnings when I claim to write daily and I utterly fail within weeks (sometimes days).  This time I will not make that claim, or any claim for that matter.

I have discovered that my bipolar and mixed up hormones motivate me at intervals when I sign up for grad school, get started on healthy eating and exercise, and try to “conquer the world”.  However, that gets washed away and I have weeks and, at times months, of exhaustion, despair, depression, body aches and pains, lack of any sleep, etc.  Right now, I am back on the saddle of plan-making and told my hubby, “I definitely HAVE to start grad school” in the spring.  But, in actuality, I do not HAVE to.  I want to.   It’d be nice to have my MLS/MLIS but it’s not necessary to my existence or work.  I am aware how fleeting my feelings are and may feel completely different tomorrow (or in a few hours!).

My poor family has to struggle with my struggle.  I was doing really well emotionally on Trileptal but my sodium level plummeted and had to go on fluid restriction of 33 ounces a day.  I LOVE drinking water.  And during these 90+ degree days, that is insane!  My medication was switched and I am starting to feel more even keel.  In addition, my testosterone level did not even show up in bloodwork.  I had to change my hormone replacement therapy last week, also.  Let me tell you, having a hysterectomy was the utterly worse decision I have made in life.  I did have issues prior but they did not feel as extreme as the past 3 years!  My last issue was high cholesterol.

Geez, I am not even 43 (well, I will be in a couple days) and I have the issues of a senior.  I gotta REALLY start taking care of me or my weeks will be like last week when I had 4 different doctor’s appointments.  This week I only have 1!