February 25, 2012 – Gathering thoughts

It has been some time since I have been able to actually think and type.  My recent posts have been rushed — having to type with my son on my lap.  Today, I have decided to dedicate some time to writing while my son is napping.

This whole experience is completely overwhelming to my thought process.  One minute I see all the strides he is making in therapy, but then I see those dang “red flags”.  I think it is getting hard to deny that he will be diagnosed as being on the spectrum.  However, I am trying to see it as a positive.  Who says that pushing a car back and forth on the floor is more fun than playing with the car wheels?  Who says you should silently enjoy life instead of showing how much fun you are having with flailing your whole body?  I love our little man just the way he is.  I do not want therapy to change “him”.  You know, the essence of him — what makes him such an amazingly happy lil man!

Last night, my husband and I went to our second “Meet and Greet”.  It was at a restaurant vs. a bowling alley (where the first one was).  There was much discussion of evaluations, behaviorists, psychiatrists, medicine, insurance coverage, etc.  Many of the people we sat near had children with “high-functioning” autism.  Clearly, it means something different than I had previously thought.  These children have aides in school, behaviorists daily, cannot drive, do not seem too independent.  I had thought a high-functioning autistic was able to live a “normal” life without aides, without daily therapy, with independence.

It saddened me because the future now holds a cloud for me.  However, I am glad we met these people who have gone through it all and will be able to help us if we have any questions.  My husband is more optimistic since we have our son in treatment so early.

Let’s hope my husband is right in this case….

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