One of the things I cherish most about being in my 40’s is being free from drama. I live a stable life: married to a man I have been with since late 2001, been working at the same place of employment since 2003, brought a beautiful child into this world in 2010, and bought our first house in 2014. Do I yearn for more? Sometimes. I wish I had more ME time, maybe go on vacation, read a book, lay in bed all day, etc.
Autism has created any drama I need in this lifetime. How will he react today vs. yesterday? What will his meltdown be about this morning, afternoon, and night? It makes me usually question spending money on a vacations that may be filled with meltdown or illness. Therefore, we don’t venture out too much. We take trips to the zoo or the aquarium, but our child is really not interested in either outing. He wants to look at the fans in the cafe or go to the giftshop. He always waits to be finished with the outing. When we went to ICE, he basically fell to the floor and screamed to be let out of the exhibit. It’s frustrating to lose that money and not be able to enjoy a holiday event with my son. Will he ever enjoy these things? Going to see Christmas lights in Orland had a similar blood-curdling reaction. Again, we were in a line of cars and could not just leave. Another past time I would love to enjoy with him.
Well, the next holiday is Halloween. He does love Halloween. He has to be Batman (like the previous 2 years) because that is the routine. And, although prompted to say “trick or treat” before every house, he will ring the doorbell and ask “Do you have fans?”.
This is the only drama I need in my life.
Spinning Wheels 