Month: August 2016

First day of kindergarten

Many sleepless nights and many years of therapy have led to today…

There are so many racing thoughts that it’s hard for me to put them into words.  I am so proud of my kiddo for all of his hard work.  Today, we walked to school and he was full of happiness.  He did confess yesterday that he was a little bit scared.  It is such a big change.

I felt overwhelmed and in sensory overload entering the packed elementary school.  I cannot even imagine how he may have felt.  I was relieved when his friend from pre-K arrived in the classroom.  From the videos posted throughout the day, it seems like the two of them have been attached at the hip.

I hope sleep comes easier tonight and that all is good in public kinder.

Bumpy.

Thankfully, today I do not feel as FLAT as yesterday.  There are some bumps today.  This is odd because last night was my worst night’s sleep in weeks.

Do I function better with terrible sleep?  Is that my normal?  I was able to straighten up parts of the house and do some loads of laundry.  I was even able to paint my nails.  How much I’ve accomplished!

I am glad to have some of my glimmer back.  It’s been long overdue.

 

Flat.

My mood is flat.  My temperament is flat.  I am not my usual bubbly self.  Okay, so I may not normally be bubbly but compared to my current disposition…

My therapist said she has never seen me so “meh”.  She thinks that although fluoxetine was enough in the past, that post-hysterectomy me may need an additional medication.  She fears my blah may turn into full-out depression.  She suggests adding Wellbutrin/Buproprin.  I agree with her.

I left a voicemail with my physician.

End of post.  Flat.

Exhaustion

Exhaustion is today’s theme.

Yesterday, I fell asleep in bed with Roger around 8:30.  I struggled to get up and fall into my own bed.  Despite my husband’s attempt to wake me, I stayed asleep until Roger woke me this morning at 6:40.  I did have a little bit of tossing and turning during the night but not too much.  However, all I wanted to do this morning (and all day) was to go back to sleep.  I keep yawning and stretching and wishing I was back in bed.

This morning I had an appointment with my psychiatrist regarding my decision to take a break from all medications barring fluoxetine.  She acknowledged I can no longer take Lamictal and knew Abilify was not working for me.  She did warn, though, to keep my eye on any hypomanic episodes.  She clearly does not think fluoxetine alone will be enough.  I am just tired of overmedicating when side effects have been outweighing positive outcomes.  I have a follow-up appointment in 2 months.  Hopefully, I will be more on the mend by then not only mentally/emotionally but physically as well.

Now, I go back to dwelling on my utter exhaustion.  How many hours of functioning before I can go back to sleep?

Today

Today life seems overwhelming.

I do not, necessarily, have a long to-do list for today, per se.  It is my life’s to-do list which is overwhelming me.

Why do I start obsessing over tomorrow or next week or next month or next year?

Perhaps the steroids I am taking for my rash are not helping.  My heart is racing a bit and I am sure they have something to do with that.  Only three more days and, hopefully, they will start weaning from my body.

Short blog = too many thoughts (and not one to truly focus on).

 

Start and stop and start and…so on

Over the past few days, I have been trying to write a new blog post but unable to do so.  The thoughts get a bit jumbled.  It all sounds flat.  Today I hope to get at least a coherent thought out “on paper”.

As has been a topic of several old posts, my medications have had to change once again.  Sunday, I awoke with a full-body rash.  To put it lightly, it was a little disarming.  I called my psychiatrist (voicemail) and my physician (voicemail number 2).  As I was panicking and feeling itchier by the minute, I missed my doctor’s return call.  She told me to stop my lamotrigine and talk to my psychiatrist on Monday, take Benadryl, and go to urgent care for steroid shots if the rash was bad.  Due to the vastness of the rash, I decided to head to urgent care.

Once seen by the doctor, I was immediately diagnosed with a drug rash.  However, they could not be certain if the rash was caused by the lamotrigine (which has a severe warning for rashes) or the sulfa- antibiotic I was taking (also known for rashes).  Since I started both at similar times, they told me to end both, gave me a new antibiotic to start and told me, once again, to talk to both of my doctors the following morning.  I also got the parting gift of two steroid shots (one that would act immediately and one that was long acting).

In addition to stopping the lamotrigine, I decided to stop taking the Abilify  I was weaning off of when increasing the lamotrigine.  That leaves me taking 20 mg of fluoxetine daily.  While living in California, I was only taking the fluoxetine, exercising, eating healthy, and was in great spirits.

The move to Texas, the full-hysterectomy, and the stressors of life affected me greatly.  My therapist and I do not believe I require the strong prescriptions the psychiatrist has been suggesting and supports my decision to only take fluoxetine for the time being (while adding exercise and healthy habits).  I have had severe weight gain from all these psychiatric meds as well, which does not help one who suffers from depression.

I am ready to shed most of the meds with the help of my therapist, doctor, and support system.  I am also ready to shed some of this weight!