Today was another productive morning:  loaded the dishwasher, did another load of laundry, took out the garbage and recycling, got the pups ready for their grooming (which my husband took them to on his way to work), cleaned up a kitty mess from being stuck in the laundry room overnight, got Roger ready for camp and did Headsprout with him before he left.

Again, I was able to ride the FitDesk for a little over an hour while I worked.  This morning I was incredibly hot — probably hot flashes — and I decided to take a quick shower afterwards.  That helped me immensely.  I also switched to wearing a very light summer dress.  I feel so much better now.

Routine excites me more than anything out of the ordinary!

Quick update:  my back gave it’s notice for the rest of day.  It is hurting so bad.  Should be fun lugging stuff to the pool….

Good Morning, 44

Yesterday I was in such a foul mood all day that I had mentally prepared to write this blog about my 43rd year.  I will still write the intended post but I am not in quite the same sour mood I was when contemplating it.

I kept questioning why I was so depressed yesterday.  Was 44th the hard birthday for me?  People had said 40 would be hard but was not for me.  I was looking forward to my 40’s.  Why was turning 44 so depressing?  Then the realization was that last year was a hard year for me.

Physically, I had (have) issues with my back and had some other instances that I had to go to the doctor and, in one instance, the ER.  Hormonally, this year was utter chaos.  My testosterone levels went from non-existent to way too much and the physical ramifications of that are still rearing it’s ugly head:  body acne and body hair growth.  These were two issues I have never had in the past 43 years.  I had inquired at the OB/GYN how long I should remain on hormones (read 5 years).  They pretty much told me I could remain on them forever.  When I told my internist, she adamantly said 5 years maximum.  Since we decided to stop the pellet for 6 months due to the side effects, that means I shall remain hormone-free due to my 5 year anniversary of my hysterectomy is 2018.  Mentally/emotionally the testosterone made me more edgy and still is as I have to wait for all the excess testosterone to exit my system.  Besides the Biote hormone pellet, my 43rd year was full of medications for depression/bipolar/anxiety and allergies, as well as supplements.  I, with the help of my therapist, nutritionist and internist, have decided to wean off the majority of the medications.  Currently, my roster is fluoxetine, Zyrtec, multivitamin, probiotic, and vitamin D3.  I have cut out about 10 medications/supplements.

My 43rd year had been a year that I have dealt with being my most unhealthy self.  I have made small steps to try rectifying it but not consistently so.  In addition, 43 was a year of added stress:  Roger entering public school, my mother’s surgery, a short stint of returning to grad school, the passing of Snuffles, other family issues, etc.  Don’t get me wrong, there have been positives (mainly on the Roger front in regards to progress/growth).  However, I do not think I have allowed myself time for grief and that is why a low mood has persisted.  Is it too late to grieve?  How can one force oneself to grieve appropriately?  Does one just move past it and say hello to the new day/the new year and push through? So many thoughts as I enter year 44…

Cranky in the a.m.

I truly woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.  I am not sure if it was last night’s sleep (or lack thereof), the eve of my 44th birthday, overall impatience with summer and lack of alone time.  Whatever the cause, I was not a very happy camper this morning and was not very nice to my husband and son.  Of course, having my time alone and my morning “bike ride”, I feel much more settled and calm.

I wish I was better at coping and not so outwardly cranky.  Roger gets ABA (Applied Behavioral Analysis) to teach him how to deal with situations better and act appropriately.  Clearly, I could use some ABA too!


Week 3 of Summer

The week tends to begin on a great note.  Monday goes as scheduled.  However, life is unpredictable, so the rest of the week may not go as smoothly.  Just as last week, this week I am hopeful.  Perhaps, I am even more hopeful due to the fact that Roger LOVED camp last week.  Tomorrow, he begins a different camp that he will be going to for two weeks (6 half days) in June and two weeks in July.  This camp we can walk to which makes drop off and pick up so easy!

Friday, I turn 44.  I had so many high hopes for my wellness by this time in the year.  I have not been consistent in exercise or healthy eating.  My back issues have also resurfaced, so I have an appointment the end of the month.  I am really at a loss about how to make wellness part of my routine.  I subscribe to emails for inspiration, use apps inconsistently, and just cannot put the drive back into me.  Summer’s chaotic schedule does not help, since my sitter and my son’s therapy/camp time is used exclusively for my work schedule.  In between therapies, work, and play dates/swimming, there is virtually no free time until roughly 8 pm at night and I am zonked by then.  I don’t want to wait 2.5 months to have a routine.  This has all dampened my mood, as well.  My anxiety and depression have been surfacing a lot lately this summer.  I read that blogging can help with anxiety, so I hope to write more this week.

If you are in the same boat (or have been in the past), let me know what worked for you to snap out of it and into a successful wellness routine.


Week 2 of Summer

I would like to start this post by thanking those family members and friends that have reached out in concern of my mother and myself.  It is so very sweet that we are in your thoughts and that you have reached out.  Again, thank you all very much!

Week 2 of Summer begins a little easier than last week.  Perhaps, it is due to my mindset.  Last night, although up late, I was able to finally spend some alone time with my husband and watch the first few episodes of this season’s Orange is the New Black.  If it hadn’t been midnight, I would have stayed up longer.  This season is just so good!  That, and last week’s Comey testimony, let me escape myself and focus on life outside of our bubble.

With my mind a little de-stressed, I am happy to announce that, although still in excruciating pain, my mother is finally reaping the benefits of in-home physical therapy and able to move about the apartment with either the use of a wheelchair or walker.  That, of course, also puts my mind a tad at ease and am happy her follow-up appointment is Wednesday where her pain medications should be sorted out and aide in her recovery.

On the home front, today’s maintenance was having our dryer vent cleaned.  The roof inspector said it was a hazard and needed to be done soon.  The tech who came out said there was a lot of lint but has seen much, much worse.  I asked him a timeline of when we should have it done again (websites all claim yearly).  He said with a family of 3 and pets, he recommends every 8-10 years!  This type of honesty makes me smile ear to ear.

Finally, tomorrow Roger begins the first of his part-time summer camps.  This one is Wacky Olympics at Yogi Kids.  The past couple of days he has told me how much he is going to miss me and how he is nervous about going to camp.  Believe me Roger, I am too!

Too much

The past few weeks have been extremely busy, exhausting, and stressful.  The first item I must remember for years to come is the increase of school events in the month of May.  It is like a month-long, non-stop field trip.  There were so many activities I had to rearrange my work schedule and neglect the house and doggies.

The biggest hiccup for May was my mom’s surgery and lack of care, thereafter.  The surgery was done on May 23rd and the care she received in the hospital was very good.  However, they released her to a skilled nursing facility two days after surgery.  We were hoping she would receive more physical therapy.  All she received was neglect.  Daily, I would arrive around 9 in the morning to have found the remnants of the neglect from the night before or from earlier that morning.  You walk into the facility hearing the unanswered beeps from various rooms and the ignored patients screaming for help.  I made so many phone calls to so many different people who work for that facility, as well as the hospital that released her and other care options.  We received apologies but each morning I would encounter the same scenario.  Sunday, May 28th, we took my mom from the facility to the ER to check up on her since she had fallen numerous times at the skilled nursing center with nobody following up on her well-being.  After many, many hours at the ER, she was discharged to go home.  The ER doctor described the neglect her own mother faced in a NY facility and how she decided to remove her as well.  What a sad scenario for those patients who do not have family able to constantly look out for them!

My mom still has quite a way to go before she is, literally, back on her feet.  However, having her back at home versus the center eases all of our minds.  I had been trying to visit her daily while Roger had school.  School ended on June 1st and, unfortunately, Roger got sick the second day of summer break and I have not been able to spend much time with my mother.  He is still recuperating (not contagious) but do not want to have him around my weakened mother, since she could be more susceptible.

Yesterday, my husband took Roger to the movies and I had a few hours alone at home.  The last day I had alone at home was May 22nd.  For someone who works at home, that is an eternity.  Although I mainly did chores around the house, it restored my mental health.  I feel like I can now conquer this week – the first full week of summer break.



It’s been a week.

Well, I haven’t posted in a week.  The weekend did not go smoothly and it was very tumultuous, unfortunately.  However, I will not disclose information of such personal, family matters.  I will just state that things are back on track, all is well, and I have an amazing husband and a caring father.

Monday, I remained in bit of a funk.  I was completely wiped out emotionally and mentally, so I skipped exercise and just made it through the working day.  I had issues with getting onto the Remote Desktop at work on Saturday, so I had an additional workload for Monday night.  The problem ensued Monday night and I had to use my iPhone as a hotspot to finish my procedures.  Prior to that, it was a couple of hours trying to connect and contacting Spectrum.  It was very stressful, to say the least.  Fortunately, by Tuesday morning, the internet and phone were working again and (knock on wood) have been continually working.

I was able to get in some exercise on my FitDesk on Tuesday and went to an intermediate yoga class yesterday.  Oh boy, that kicked my butt (or my legs and back, to be exact).  All of my strength was used on that workout.  Yesterday, I tried the no caffeine again, as well as eating only non-reactive foods.  I was completely depleted by 2 pm and asleep at 7:30.  Unfortunately, I only got 7 hours of sleep, because my sleep is always restless since having Roger.

This morning I woke up sore and determined to change up what would be a very restrictive LEAP diet.  I contacted the nutritionist with an outline of what I plan to modify.  She said it was a great idea and that I will probably last longer on the “diet/lifestyle” due to the modifications.   First summer life with a 6 year old boy who happens to have autism and working full-time will be hard enough without having insane food restrictions.  The first modification:  COFFEE.  I had a cup and was actually able to vacuum.  Yesterday, I was lump on the sofa.

On a different note, tonight I get to see one band that I have been aching to see for the past 28 years:  The Damned.  Both times I previously set out to see them, there was an issue.  This is their 40th Anniversary tour and I thought, yet again, the plan was going to be foiled when Captain Sensible fell off the stage and broke his rib(s).  And, then, once it was still a go-ahead, our sitter double-booked for tonight.  Fortunately, I met with other sitters and we have that covered.  Now, the weather calls for hail, so there’s always something!

One more tidbit of good news:  in the past two months, I have lost 7.2 pounds.  If I just lose 3 pounds a month, I will be at my goal weight by next March.  No pressure – just taking it one step at a time.