Discouraging

Initially, I was going to make this blog a remainder of the week post.  However, today I am feeling quite cruddy and that’s just discouraging.  I have been eating healthy, exercising, and doing meditation.  Instead of energized, I feel like I’ve been hit by a bus.  I still have this same sinus infection/ear infection.  It has almost been a month.  The antibiotics do not help and, unfortunately, today I started wheezing a bit.  That means a third trip back to the doctor’s office next week is most likely.  I did tell Rob that if I still feel this terrible on Sunday that I am taking the day to rest/sleep.  Work and after school have been very busy and a tad stressful.  I have had very little down time this week.  I am sure that is not helping my recovery.

However, I will now list the positives of my week:  being a classroom helper on Tuesday, Roger advancing to the next level in swimming, starting a liberal local book club, a very good teacher conference on Thursday, coffee with some great ladies this morning, dinner and conversation with my parents on Wednesday, and lots of love and sweetness from my son and my husband.  Seeing that list makes my infection not seem so bad!

Always something.

Update on the remainder of my week:

Wednesday I had an appointment with a new therapist.  I was told to arrive 15 minutes early to fill out paperwork.  I arrived early and no one was there until about 10 minutes after my appointment time.  That was a huge turn off.  Second turn-off was the décor.  Way too much cutesy/ranch type of décor with an overload of essential oils.  My third issue was her disagreeing with my internist about ending hormones at the five year mark.  And the final issue was that my appointment ended at 45 minutes (and that included the time they were late and the paperwork was filled out), so in actuality my session was 20-25 minutes and cost my co-pay of $40.  I did make a second appointment for November, but am not sure if she is the right fit.  Maybe I should try a second go.  I’m sure I will obsessively think that through.  That same day I made a flu shot appointment for Roger.  That was traumatic.  We got the numbing patch and he still cried and screamed when the shot was administered.

Yesterday I took my husband to his endoscopy/colonoscopy procedure.  One polyp was found and will be biopsied.  They took other cultures to make sure nothing else is going on in there.  He was very nervous but the general anesthesia seemed to have no affect on him after he woke up.  For me, I am usually tired and I nap and then I’m up all night.  He was up the remainder of the day and went to Roger’s hip hop class with me.

The beginning of the week I made a doctor’s appointment for my remaining cough and my stuffed right ear/popping ear.  Today was my appointment and I was correct:  I have an ear infection now.  It is always something!  Another round of antibiotics and, hopefully, all will be clear.

Remainder of Week 6 and Week 7

Life has been completely overwhelming!  That, actually, may be the biggest understatement I have made in a while.  I do not do well with stress, so for others, these weeks may not seem like such a big deal, but for me they have been hellish!

Tuesday I was completely overwhelmed, but, as has been the case, blogging helped me snap out of it a bit.  Also, my son graduated his level of swimming and went up to a level 4.  Having a child with autism who has fears is  a double whammy – we have tried lessons year after year, but putting his head under water ended each attempt.  Now, he is constantly going under water.  It is amazing to watch!

The remainder of my week was haunted by bad back and neck pain and headaches.  I had several appointments:  physical therapy, psychologist, and my orthopedic surgeon.  As usual, my pain increased after having physical therapy and remained high through the weekend until Sunday.  From this correlation, I decided to stop going to PT.  It is no longer necessary, the doctor told me, unless it was helping.  After 6 sessions, the pain was exacerbated.  I had felt more at ease with my decision to have ACDF surgery as the doctor explained and answered my questions during my appointment.  But I also made an appointment for a second opinion, since I do not want to rush into surgery.

I have an appointment next Monday for a neurologist.  However, looking up my symptoms, my continuous headache sounds like a tension headache.  I still need to find out if there is any other issue regarding the tinnitus and dizziness, as well.  Tension is the key word of these past few months!

Yesterday, I had my EMG.  The EMG was interesting, getting shocked by a mini car battery and then needles put in my arm, moving them, while pushing against the doctor’s hand on demand. I found out that I now have to go to a hand specialist due to a nerve that is very compressed/blocked in my elbow. Add those appointments to the roster!  The upside: that was the only damaged nerve.  Those results did not help me with the decision for ACDF surgery, as I had hoped, all it did was set me up for another potential surgery on my elbow.  Great, more to obsess about!

Good Morning, 44

Yesterday I was in such a foul mood all day that I had mentally prepared to write this blog about my 43rd year.  I will still write the intended post but I am not in quite the same sour mood I was when contemplating it.

I kept questioning why I was so depressed yesterday.  Was 44th the hard birthday for me?  People had said 40 would be hard but was not for me.  I was looking forward to my 40’s.  Why was turning 44 so depressing?  Then the realization was that last year was a hard year for me.

Physically, I had (have) issues with my back and had some other instances that I had to go to the doctor and, in one instance, the ER.  Hormonally, this year was utter chaos.  My testosterone levels went from non-existent to way too much and the physical ramifications of that are still rearing it’s ugly head:  body acne and body hair growth.  These were two issues I have never had in the past 43 years.  I had inquired at the OB/GYN how long I should remain on hormones (read 5 years).  They pretty much told me I could remain on them forever.  When I told my internist, she adamantly said 5 years maximum.  Since we decided to stop the pellet for 6 months due to the side effects, that means I shall remain hormone-free due to my 5 year anniversary of my hysterectomy is 2018.  Mentally/emotionally the testosterone made me more edgy and still is as I have to wait for all the excess testosterone to exit my system.  Besides the Biote hormone pellet, my 43rd year was full of medications for depression/bipolar/anxiety and allergies, as well as supplements.  I, with the help of my therapist, nutritionist and internist, have decided to wean off the majority of the medications.  Currently, my roster is fluoxetine, Zyrtec, multivitamin, probiotic, and vitamin D3.  I have cut out about 10 medications/supplements.

My 43rd year had been a year that I have dealt with being my most unhealthy self.  I have made small steps to try rectifying it but not consistently so.  In addition, 43 was a year of added stress:  Roger entering public school, my mother’s surgery, a short stint of returning to grad school, the passing of Snuffles, other family issues, etc.  Don’t get me wrong, there have been positives (mainly on the Roger front in regards to progress/growth).  However, I do not think I have allowed myself time for grief and that is why a low mood has persisted.  Is it too late to grieve?  How can one force oneself to grieve appropriately?  Does one just move past it and say hello to the new day/the new year and push through? So many thoughts as I enter year 44…

Building a routine

It may not be the ideal time to build a routine, being that schools lets out in a few weeks and that may throw a wrench in my routine.  I went to Monday’s yoga class and it was a great class.  It was mainly a stretching class which helped my back immensely.  Wednesday’s class is more advanced, but I plan on doing as much as I can.  There is always child’s pose when it gets too tough for me.  That begins my routine:  Monday and Wednesday will be yoga days.  Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday, I will use my FitDesk.  Saturday will be my rest day and Sundays I may check out the Yin & Sit yoga class.  This Sunday is Mother’s Day and I signed up for Yoga Nidra which, according to the website, is the practice of conscious yogic sleep, a meditative and restorative experience that allows you to transcend physical and mental barriers so that you may place intentions – or sankalpa – at the innermost level of your being.   The yogic sleep part sounds good to me!

I’ve also been sticking to the one cup of coffee per day til the first day of my LEAP lifestyle change.  This is going to be my hardest habit to break.  I’ve realized how much coffee has suppressed my appetite in the morning.  I’m hungry at 9 instead of 11 or 12, which I am not used to.  Also, my depleted energy no longer gets a caffeine boost.  Hopefully, a few weeks into the dietary changes, I will have energy once again.  Although knowing it will be a bit overwhelming, I am very much looking forward to the change.  I will need to write a food log, as well as note any bodily reaction to the foods I am allowed.  I am used to logging on a notepad, but considering putting them on my blog.  I was reading another blog that has been following a person on a LEAP diet and she said she does not have the ability to log daily, so I will be aware of that challenge.

In the meantime, I’ve typed up my next three work schedules which lead up to summer but will need to figure out past that.  I should also start planning meals for the time leading up to summer.  Hmmm…maybe tomorrow.

Busy, busy week

Besides my job, this week has been a busy and exhausting week.  As a recap, I went to yoga for the first time in a bajillion years on Monday.  It was so hard — I am so out of shape.  I also had to deal with insurance (re:  my son’s ABA therapy), gather garbage, do some wash, change the kitty litter, and wait for the roof to get replaced.  It was just stressful trying to do a lot in a little time.  Boy, was I in a pissy mood.  Tuesday, I felt utterly crappy and I had my allergist appointment that led to 4 new medications that have not aided in making me feel better but just cruddier.  Wednesday was my son’s ARD for 1st grade.  Already nervous about what services could potentially be cut, I was still feeling utterly horrible physically.  Thankfully, not much was cut.  We were, overall, in agreement.  The shortness of the ARD (the last one took 2 days) gave me time to rest, which I NEVER get to do.  Thursday, a friend drove me to our sons’ first Field Trip in kindergarten.  They went to the Fort Worth Museum of Science and Nature.  Can I tell you how exhausting a field trip can be?  My mother noted it may exhaust me more since I am older than a lot of the moms — thanks!  Today, I got to have a nice “normal” workday at home.  Unfortunately, the roof work started today, which means I got to hear hammering since 8:30 this morning.

I did make a few decisions today despite the noisiness.  I decided to end my chiropractic care.  I went through the suggested 15 session schedule and have seen no improvement.  I am definitely going to have to take a different course of action when it comes to my back.  The only time chiropractic care helped was in NYC when I went to an integrative practice.  They would not even adjust me for the first few weeks — just do stem and hot/cold therapy.  After adding adjustments, physical therapy was slowly started.  Finally, 30 minute back massages were added.  It worked like a charm and was a fantastic approach.  I may try to find a similar practice here.

My other decision was to stop taking 3 of the 4 medications the allergist prescribed.  I’ve decided to finish the course of antibiotics but stop the rest.  Nothing has changed in my overall being and definitely not the areas they were targeting — cough, labored breathing.  I emailed the office and they said to follow-up Monday if there was no change with being on the antibiotic.

Next week, I am hoping to conquer yoga 2 days.  I know, crazy.  I will definitely go Monday and let you know if I survive.

Blargh

My days have been blargh to horrible.  This is due entirely to my damn allergies.  I go to bed feeling meh, wake up in the middle of the night to an allergy attack, wake in the morning to my nose still running, and the day continues that way.  Last night, I finally took a Benadryl thinking that would end the post-midnight allergy attack.  NOPE.  I felt the same as each previous night.

I was not going to let that interfere with my day, however.  After I walked Roger to school with the doggies, I started work while riding the bike on my FitDesk.  I could only do 15 minutes before feeling completely ill.  My breathing has been compromised, my tummy feels totally terrible, my head hurts, and my back aches so badly.  Poor me.  I hate to complain so much because I know it could always be worse. (Case in point, yesterday, I looked up the boy in the bubble because I want to hermetically seal myself off from the world, but then felt terrible about making the comparison).

So today, as everyday, I am doing the most I can — working, doing a few household chores, and counting the hours til bedtime!