Downer Alert!

It’s hard to explain how I am feeling, as of late.  I am moving through a heavy haze at all times.  Due to my cervical issues, I have constant headaches so  I have a constant pressure on my head.  I have tinnitus that is constant.  My eyelids feel so heavy at all times.  My focus is completely gone.  Each task feels so difficult and causes me so much stress.  I am constantly reactive when doing these tasks.  I have a sour expression on my face all the time.  I feel completely antisocial.  And I hate myself when I suffer through the small talk I must do on a daily basis.  I need a break from everything but how does one do that?  This summer is killing me.  I cannot even figure out how to work all my hours in a week when I look at my schedule that now includes doctor and therapy appointments daily.  After I let the dogs out earlier, I leaned my head against the wall and felt like I could stay like that all day and not move.  Sometimes when I am working, I close my eyes for a few seconds and imagine falling asleep the rest of the day.  However, it would not even be the rest of the day since these summer days are broken into chunks.  I am utterly depressed.  It is even hard to express how depressed I feel.  I think when I had post-partum depression it was about at the severity it is now.  I have a job, husband and child.  I cannot just stop doing the daily routine, no matter how much I wish I could.  This daily summer grind is killing me.  Seven more weeks of summer break.  I tell myself that I will take off a full-day of work when he is back at school, so I can rest/sleep all day.  What do I do in the meantime?  I am just so wiped out…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s