It’s hard to explain how I am feeling, as of late. I am moving through a heavy haze at all times. Due to my cervical issues, I have constant headaches so I have a constant pressure on my head. I have tinnitus that is constant. My eyelids feel so heavy at all times. My focus is completely gone. Each task feels so difficult and causes me so much stress. I am constantly reactive when doing these tasks. I have a sour expression on my face all the time. I feel completely antisocial. And I hate myself when I suffer through the small talk I must do on a daily basis. I need a break from everything but how does one do that? This summer is killing me. I cannot even figure out how to work all my hours in a week when I look at my schedule that now includes doctor and therapy appointments daily. After I let the dogs out earlier, I leaned my head against the wall and felt like I could stay like that all day and not move. Sometimes when I am working, I close my eyes for a few seconds and imagine falling asleep the rest of the day. However, it would not even be the rest of the day since these summer days are broken into chunks. I am utterly depressed. It is even hard to express how depressed I feel. I think when I had post-partum depression it was about at the severity it is now. I have a job, husband and child. I cannot just stop doing the daily routine, no matter how much I wish I could. This daily summer grind is killing me. Seven more weeks of summer break. I tell myself that I will take off a full-day of work when he is back at school, so I can rest/sleep all day. What do I do in the meantime? I am just so wiped out…
Spinning Wheels 