What a pain in the back!

This morning I had scheduled Yin and Sit Yoga and Meditation, some “me” time.

After waking up to Roger on the iPad continuously this morning, I decided to finish my weekend work while riding the stationary bike.  I was done by 9.  I then did homework with Roger and followed it with some fun karaoke.  Then the time arrived:  time for me, time for yoga.

I was in tears from the beginning movements to the final savasana.  I was in total pain from my neck to my tailbone to my right leg.  This is where Roger, my son with autism, rammed his head into my spine after not getting his way.  This was on January 2nd and I don’t even remember what it was regarding.  All I remember was it was post-massage as I plopped onto the bed on my belly and was peacefully lying there.  I let out the loudest cry.  It immediately hurt so terribly.  I don’t think I ever produced a scream like that even when I broke my knee or ankle.

It has been three weeks and the pain has not gotten better.  I have tried Tylenol and anti-inflammatories while using the heating pad but this has not helped in the least bit.  I kept wondering where all my depression and lack of motivation came from at the beginning of this year.  Today was my reminder.  I am so glad that the majority of the class is done with your eyes closed, so others did not see the tears stream down my face.

When class was over, and that could not come quickly enough — that damn 75 minutes, I rushed to my car for a proper cry.  Then the thoughts raced:  have to make an appointment this week.  With who?  My primary doctor?  My back doctor who I am not really fond of — seems too surgery happy?  My pain doctor?  Next thoughts:  I really am going to have to cancel being teacher’s helper this week, my back cannot handle the copier.  Followed by thoughts of that yoga retreat that accepted me on “scholarship” but is less than 2 weeks away.  How can I possibly do a yoga retreat right now?  I do not foresee my pain level being that lessened in that short period of a time – especially since specialized doctors usually do not have readily available appointments.

I told Rob to occupy Roger for a bit.  I am in such a terrible mood right now.  I have 2 loads of laundry and cannot even muster the strength to empty the dryer to put the other load in.  And the state of the house is in total disarray due to Roger’s “box fort” building.  I may hide myself away in the bedroom for the time being until I can cope better with it all.

Weekend Anxiety

I am still under the weather with coughing, allergies, chills, some tummy issues, etc.  Unfortunately, Roger, as an only child, wants to be entertained.  This morning he was already talking about what fun things we could do later:  karaoke, games.  Thankfully, he is aware my back hurt too bad last night from roller skates that he took that off the table.  Of course, resting and watching a movie are always off the table for Roger too!

This weekend happens to be a 3 day weekend as well, so that gives me an extra day of “fun” to schedule for Roger.  I am trying to institute a family fun day on Saturdays to do something out of the ordinary (zoo, museum, Dallas in general, etc.).  Tomorrow, I am pitching Ripley’s Believe It or Not since it will be quite chilly.  We will see if everyone is on board with that decision.  Sunday, I hope to feel up to Yin Yoga and Mediation followed by a short date with Rob.  Monday morning is still unscheduled but I have a make-up swim lesson planned for 1 pm followed by a play date with Roger’s best friend followed by Occupational Therapy.

I just have to make it through today first!

The Seventh of January

The first week of January has been a moody week for me.  In my head, I tried to keep positive with all the drama surrounding me.  I tried to keep patient with the cries of a sensory kiddo.  I tried to stay on task with my mind constantly distracted.

Last night, as we watched another uplifting show on Netflix, The End of the F***ing World, I was saddened and, clearly, philosophical.  With the attainment of all our possessions, what is the point?  What purpose do they serve?  Why was I so excited to have our first real bedroom set?  Why did I value my Roomba (that I almost broke and quietly lectured myself about) so much more than my peace of mind?

Well, today, with last night’s lack of sleep, I am again impatient, moody, and exhausted.  We have an “all day” window for furniture delivery.  I completed my weekend work for my “real” job and have a litany of chores around the house to occupy my time til the arrival.  However, after finishing my work, I meditated via Headspace and am now blogging for a moment or two.  Am I procrastinating cleaning the toilets or do I just need some rest?  It is hard to decipher.  I will sit here in quiet until the mood (or, perhaps, the guilt) drives me to do something else.

2018, Take Two

The second day of the year was not nearly as peaceful as I hoped.  I did have a lovely, full night’s sleep in our king bed downstairs.  However, that tranquility was disturbed by a frantic phone call.  It was a family issue (not immediate family affected).  I tried not to harp on it and go about my day.  Unfortunately, the internet, cable and home phone were all not working,  so Rob called Spectrum to resolve the issues.  They said we would need a technician to come out and the first availability would be Friday.  This is one of the downsides of working from home at a job that does not want you to use Wi-Fi in public places.

Fortunately, while that phone call was still in progress, I had an appointment for a massage and facial.  I still had hope for this day yet.  Both were lovely but I had an especially talkative masseuse.  I like the quiet massage time.  Also, he mentioned religion 3 times during the massage while I am on my stomach with my Coop Devil Tattoo on my back.  These are the times I regret that tattoo.

When I returned home, we decided to eat out and play video games at Round 1.  Here is where the real fun begins….My son has either extreme sensory issues with his feet/shoes and/or OCD.  We think it is sensory since it has been there the majority of his life.  I tightened his left shoe 3 times and his right shoe 5 times and the right shoe was still not tight enough.  My hands could no longer handle the laces.  I told him I refused to tie it anymore and I plopped belly first on the bed.  In anger, he crammed his head into the right side of my back incredibly hard.  Tears filled my eyes and I let out a scream in anguish.  It hurt so badly and he intended on hurting me.  Not only the pain, but intention kept the tears coming.  This was my first big cry of 2018.

It took about an hour or so til we were able to get out the door and salvage the day.  Oh, 2018 you are already trying my patience!


I am hoping to have turned the corner on exercise and wellness.  Yesterday, I went to a yoga class for the first time in YEARS!  It was a restorative class and last night my cervical pain has been at its lowest.  Today, I did a 30 minute streaming cardio class.  The first fifteen minutes seemed pretty easy but the last fifteen was pretty difficult.  It felt great to complete.  I am hoping exercise along with my Headspace meditation will make dealing with my own and Roger’s anxiety easier.


Back in the Saddle Again

Yesterday was my first day back at work.  It was an 8 hour day.  I took hourly breaks to walk and move my arms.  During my lunch break, I did my 10 minute headspace meditation program and rested in bed an additional 10 minutes or so.  After school, Roger had homework and then Occupational Therapy.  After OT, we had our normal Chick-fil-A dinner and play date with his friend at our house.  It was a long day, especially since part of my workload occurred between the 7 to 9 o’clock hours.  I was very sore by the time I went to bed and woke up pretty sore too.

Today, I, again, took breaks and had my meditation/rest time during lunch.  This afternoon will be pretty packed with Roger having a trial singing lesson at School of Rock, followed by his swimming lesson, followed by dinner at my parents house, followed by spelling homework, followed by showers/bed.  I’m exhausted thinking about it!  However, the routine and new 5 minutes-per-hour (in the morning) exercise schedule has put me in a better mood than I have been.

I am hoping my health, wellness, and recovery will flourish.

Today I am very hopeful.

Health update

Yesterday morning I had a lumbar epidural.  I had a choice between local or general anesthesia.  I chose general anesthesia and am glad I did.  The back doctor had wanted a caudal epidural but I had extra bony growth, so the needle could not go the whole way in.   They had to do a higher injection.  The downside is that while I was under I coughed/sneezed the entire time.  I came out of anesthesia with a bad sore throat, almost no voice, and a raw nose.  Thankfully, they said I kept apologizing, so at least I was nice while under!  However, I had Rob make me an appointment at our internist to see if I had more than just bad allergies.  Today was my appointment and I have ANOTHER sinus infection.

My second appointment of the day was my follow-up with my orthopedic surgeon re: my ulnar nerve surgery.  I am doing very well and she released me back to work on Monday.  I told her how my other fingers are going numb and she fit me for a carpal tunnel splint.  However, she thinks the problem is stemming from my cervical issue.  I guess time will tell.  I have another follow-up in 3.5 weeks.

I would be in a better mood if I got more than 2 hours 19 minutes sleep last night.  The antibiotic shot must be somewhat working because my headache has subsided.  Here’s hoping I am more myself before I head back to the workforce Monday!