Being who I am I love to analyze myself. My analysis is mainly of who I am or what is occurring at the present time, near past, or close future. If I do think of the distant past, it is mainly terrible memories – when something bad happened – with a few happy moments intertwined.
My older sister has moved in with my parents to be the caregiver of my mother since my mother is wheelchair bound. Being around my sister, I start remembering the past more. I am not recalling specific events but mainly feelings of the time. I am putting together pieces that help me realize why I was so quiet, why I holed myself up in the room most of the time, why I did not seek my parents help for most of my issues. I was seen as the good child who didn’t need help. I probably could have used more direction in life. However, I turned out alright.
The more the family unit of my mom, dad, sister, and I are together the more I feel the past. It is amazing. It is not sad or happy. It is just awareness and my eyes are wide open.
Spinning Wheels 