Analyze this

Being who I am I love to analyze myself.  My analysis is mainly of who I am or what is occurring at the present time, near past, or close future.  If I do think of the distant past, it is mainly terrible memories – when something bad happened – with a few happy moments intertwined.

My older sister has moved in with my parents to be the caregiver of my mother since my mother is wheelchair bound.  Being around my sister, I start remembering the past more.  I am not recalling specific events but mainly feelings of the time.  I am putting together pieces that help me realize why I was so quiet, why I holed myself up in the room most of the time, why I did not seek my parents help for most of my issues.  I was seen as the good child who didn’t need help.  I probably could have used more direction in life.  However, I turned out alright.

The more the family unit of my mom, dad, sister, and I are together the more I feel the past.  It is amazing.  It is not sad or happy.  It is just awareness and my eyes are wide open.