Being who I am I love to analyze myself. My analysis is mainly of who I am or what is occurring at the present time, near past, or close future. If I do think of the distant past, it is mainly terrible memories – when something bad happened – with a few happy moments intertwined.
My older sister has moved in with my parents to be the caregiver of my mother since my mother is wheelchair bound. Being around my sister, I start remembering the past more. I am not recalling specific events but mainly feelings of the time. I am putting together pieces that help me realize why I was so quiet, why I holed myself up in the room most of the time, why I did not seek my parents help for most of my issues. I was seen as the good child who didn’t need help. I probably could have used more direction in life. However, I turned out alright.
The more the family unit of my mom, dad, sister, and I are together the more I feel the past. It is amazing. It is not sad or happy. It is just awareness and my eyes are wide open.
Let me preface this post by saying the past few days I have been in a horrendous mood. I think it was missing my normal bedtime Friday night and not drinking enough water both Friday and Saturday.
Today I woke and made the mental decision not to stay in that mood. I enjoyed the morning with my son and cups of coffee. Then I woke my husband up and enjoyed a real heart to heart conversation.
We both had things on our mind (not about each other) but stuff clogging up our brains that needed to be vented. It was as very nice conversation in which we both listened and understood the other completely. I am so very lucky to have someone I can communicate so openly with. Of course, at times, we don’t have such nice communication. However, it’s so nice to be able to start this Sunday with such openness.
After our discussion, I enjoyed some “fat burning” yoga. It is an old DVD I have used for YEARS. I did this video on Thursday and was not able to do much. Today I had a much better flow and better flexibility. I am wondering if this morning opened me up to be able to do more.
I hope you all have at least one person you can be completely honest with and be completely yourself around. It is so nice to be able to release all that fills my brain at times.
Today, I had the following thought and posted it on Facebook:
I would love to be part of/create a local body positivity/acceptance/embrace you/radical self love group. A group that doesn’t discuss weight or flabby arms. A group that would teach us to appreciate ourselves as much as we do others. A group that embraces where we are at right now. If someone wants to eat healthier (not DIEt) or exercise for strength and mental health (vs punishment/I consumed a piece of cake), we encourage each other. If you just want to eat macncheese, we will not judge and will like you just the same since it is the person that matters, not what we put in our mouth. We spend so much time calorie counting and obsessing over every bite, we miss out on the enjoyment of life.
I then added:
The same applies to being praised for being too busy or feeling low because you deem yourself as lazy. You are enough as is.
There are a few people who seem interested and I decided to start a group on Facebook. But what should I call it, “An Encompassing Welcome” or “An Encompassing Breath” or who knows what? I was very tuned into the word encompassing though. Embrace, which is a great positivity movement, has the best, succinct name: Embrace. Perfection.
I have this blog page that I have abandoned some time ago. I no longer wish to write depressing blogs or talk about the stressors in life. I also feel it unfair to blog about my son as he grows older and starts joining social media himself.
Therefore, I decided to twist this blog’s title into my new group: Stop the Spinning Wheels. My first post is below:
For years, I had a blog called Spinning Wheels: A Journey into the Autism Spectrum. I named it after an activity my son regularly did: spin wheels. However, the idiom of spinning wheels is to waste energy going nowhere. This group’s aim is to stop that spinning wheel – stop obsessing over the scale, calorie counting, being perfect, etc. This group is to encourage and teach each other that we all are fantastic as we are!
I am very excited about this new blog direction and FB group. Hopefully, I will see wordpress sooner than later!