This morning I had scheduled Yin and Sit Yoga and Meditation, some “me” time.
After waking up to Roger on the iPad continuously this morning, I decided to finish my weekend work while riding the stationary bike. I was done by 9. I then did homework with Roger and followed it with some fun karaoke. Then the time arrived: time for me, time for yoga.
I was in tears from the beginning movements to the final savasana. I was in total pain from my neck to my tailbone to my right leg. This is where Roger, my son with autism, rammed his head into my spine after not getting his way. This was on January 2nd and I don’t even remember what it was regarding. All I remember was it was post-massage as I plopped onto the bed on my belly and was peacefully lying there. I let out the loudest cry. It immediately hurt so terribly. I don’t think I ever produced a scream like that even when I broke my knee or ankle.
It has been three weeks and the pain has not gotten better. I have tried Tylenol and anti-inflammatories while using the heating pad but this has not helped in the least bit. I kept wondering where all my depression and lack of motivation came from at the beginning of this year. Today was my reminder. I am so glad that the majority of the class is done with your eyes closed, so others did not see the tears stream down my face.
When class was over, and that could not come quickly enough — that damn 75 minutes, I rushed to my car for a proper cry. Then the thoughts raced: have to make an appointment this week. With who? My primary doctor? My back doctor who I am not really fond of — seems too surgery happy? My pain doctor? Next thoughts: I really am going to have to cancel being teacher’s helper this week, my back cannot handle the copier. Followed by thoughts of that yoga retreat that accepted me on “scholarship” but is less than 2 weeks away. How can I possibly do a yoga retreat right now? I do not foresee my pain level being that lessened in that short period of a time – especially since specialized doctors usually do not have readily available appointments.
I told Rob to occupy Roger for a bit. I am in such a terrible mood right now. I have 2 loads of laundry and cannot even muster the strength to empty the dryer to put the other load in. And the state of the house is in total disarray due to Roger’s “box fort” building. I may hide myself away in the bedroom for the time being until I can cope better with it all.
Today started out as most weekdays –with the struggle over Roger’s shoes not being tight enough. I know the weather change enhances some sensory issues. This Wednesday it manifested itself over a shirt to wear. The first shirt I chose was sweatshirt material. Roger said it was too soft and to get it off him. He was very upset. The second shirt’s sleeves were a 1/4 inch too long for him, so he completely freaked out for a second time. The third shirt worked but his shoes had to be tied multiple times. The walk to school had light rain. That he did not complain about. The walk home the rain became heavier. C’est la vie!
So today is a cold, rainy day. The perfect day to be under covers in bed. I tried to convince myself that I could skip my exercise for the day, since I did it the previous 3 days. However, this seems to be my cycle. By mid week, I usually start excusing myself from exercise. Since I am volunteering the next two days and have an ENT appointment, I know I may not have time which made today’s workout more crucial for me.
Well, I did it and it’s over and I’m glad I did it and I’m glad it’s over.
I am hoping to have turned the corner on exercise and wellness. Yesterday, I went to a yoga class for the first time in YEARS! It was a restorative class and last night my cervical pain has been at its lowest. Today, I did a 30 minute streaming cardio class. The first fifteen minutes seemed pretty easy but the last fifteen was pretty difficult. It felt great to complete. I am hoping exercise along with my Headspace meditation will make dealing with my own and Roger’s anxiety easier.
It’s Tuesday and it’s Halloween. The day started pretty okay. Roger had a mini freak-out over his shoes not being tied tight enough. However, besides that, the day has been good thus far. I spent my “lunch break” volunteering at the school’s book fair. It was actually quite fun being a cashier and interacting with the kiddos. I decided to volunteer again tomorrow during the time Roger’s class will be going to the book fair.
I have not been sticking to my calorie counting as strictly as I would like. I even had a few pieced of Halloween candy this weekend. However, I have been walking quite a bit more (roughly 12000-13000 steps a day). I have decided to focus on me and try to be better with the food and the activity level. I really need to start an exercise routine and that is the one aspect I am really having difficulty with. I know I will feel better but just getting in gear is hard. I’m not going to beat myself up too much for it. I will keep walking more and eating better. I will try to start additional exercise by the new year!
Initially, I was going to make this blog a remainder of the week post. However, today I am feeling quite cruddy and that’s just discouraging. I have been eating healthy, exercising, and doing meditation. Instead of energized, I feel like I’ve been hit by a bus. I still have this same sinus infection/ear infection. It has almost been a month. The antibiotics do not help and, unfortunately, today I started wheezing a bit. That means a third trip back to the doctor’s office next week is most likely. I did tell Rob that if I still feel this terrible on Sunday that I am taking the day to rest/sleep. Work and after school have been very busy and a tad stressful. I have had very little down time this week. I am sure that is not helping my recovery.
However, I will now list the positives of my week: being a classroom helper on Tuesday, Roger advancing to the next level in swimming, starting a liberal local book club, a very good teacher conference on Thursday, coffee with some great ladies this morning, dinner and conversation with my parents on Wednesday, and lots of love and sweetness from my son and my husband. Seeing that list makes my infection not seem so bad!
I absolutely love Mondays and will always try to choose not to make any Monday appointments. I get back into my groove on Mondays. I get back into the swing of work, get back to my days alone, get back to my food and exercise regime. Mondays are great for me.
Last week ended with me completely worn out from my first week back at work. I hope this week I am not so wiped by the time the weekend comes. I was an absolute nightmare to be around yesterday morning! Depression, anxiety and stress were the key words. Today, I am a cheery lady. Hmm, maybe we should not discount that bipolar diagnosis!
Yesterday was my first day back at work. It was an 8 hour day. I took hourly breaks to walk and move my arms. During my lunch break, I did my 10 minute headspace meditation program and rested in bed an additional 10 minutes or so. After school, Roger had homework and then Occupational Therapy. After OT, we had our normal Chick-fil-A dinner and play date with his friend at our house. It was a long day, especially since part of my workload occurred between the 7 to 9 o’clock hours. I was very sore by the time I went to bed and woke up pretty sore too.
Today, I, again, took breaks and had my meditation/rest time during lunch. This afternoon will be pretty packed with Roger having a trial singing lesson at School of Rock, followed by his swimming lesson, followed by dinner at my parents house, followed by spelling homework, followed by showers/bed. I’m exhausted thinking about it! However, the routine and new 5 minutes-per-hour (in the morning) exercise schedule has put me in a better mood than I have been.
I am hoping my health, wellness, and recovery will flourish.
Today I am very hopeful.