My mood is flat. My temperament is flat. I am not my usual bubbly self. Okay, so I may not normally be bubbly but compared to my current disposition…
My therapist said she has never seen me so “meh”. She thinks that although fluoxetine was enough in the past, that post-hysterectomy me may need an additional medication. She fears my blah may turn into full-out depression. She suggests adding Wellbutrin/Buproprin. I agree with her.
I left a voicemail with my physician.
End of post. Flat.
Exhaustion is today’s theme.
Yesterday, I fell asleep in bed with Roger around 8:30. I struggled to get up and fall into my own bed. Despite my husband’s attempt to wake me, I stayed asleep until Roger woke me this morning at 6:40. I did have a little bit of tossing and turning during the night but not too much. However, all I wanted to do this morning (and all day) was to go back to sleep. I keep yawning and stretching and wishing I was back in bed.
This morning I had an appointment with my psychiatrist regarding my decision to take a break from all medications barring fluoxetine. She acknowledged I can no longer take Lamictal and knew Abilify was not working for me. She did warn, though, to keep my eye on any hypomanic episodes. She clearly does not think fluoxetine alone will be enough. I am just tired of overmedicating when side effects have been outweighing positive outcomes. I have a follow-up appointment in 2 months. Hopefully, I will be more on the mend by then not only mentally/emotionally but physically as well.
Now, I go back to dwelling on my utter exhaustion. How many hours of functioning before I can go back to sleep?
Today life seems overwhelming.
I do not, necessarily, have a long to-do list for today, per se. It is my life’s to-do list which is overwhelming me.
Why do I start obsessing over tomorrow or next week or next month or next year?
Perhaps the steroids I am taking for my rash are not helping. My heart is racing a bit and I am sure they have something to do with that. Only three more days and, hopefully, they will start weaning from my body.
Short blog = too many thoughts (and not one to truly focus on).
Over the past few days, I have been trying to write a new blog post but unable to do so. The thoughts get a bit jumbled. It all sounds flat. Today I hope to get at least a coherent thought out “on paper”.
As has been a topic of several old posts, my medications have had to change once again. Sunday, I awoke with a full-body rash. To put it lightly, it was a little disarming. I called my psychiatrist (voicemail) and my physician (voicemail number 2). As I was panicking and feeling itchier by the minute, I missed my doctor’s return call. She told me to stop my lamotrigine and talk to my psychiatrist on Monday, take Benadryl, and go to urgent care for steroid shots if the rash was bad. Due to the vastness of the rash, I decided to head to urgent care.
Once seen by the doctor, I was immediately diagnosed with a drug rash. However, they could not be certain if the rash was caused by the lamotrigine (which has a severe warning for rashes) or the sulfa- antibiotic I was taking (also known for rashes). Since I started both at similar times, they told me to end both, gave me a new antibiotic to start and told me, once again, to talk to both of my doctors the following morning. I also got the parting gift of two steroid shots (one that would act immediately and one that was long acting).
In addition to stopping the lamotrigine, I decided to stop taking the Abilify I was weaning off of when increasing the lamotrigine. That leaves me taking 20 mg of fluoxetine daily. While living in California, I was only taking the fluoxetine, exercising, eating healthy, and was in great spirits.
The move to Texas, the full-hysterectomy, and the stressors of life affected me greatly. My therapist and I do not believe I require the strong prescriptions the psychiatrist has been suggesting and supports my decision to only take fluoxetine for the time being (while adding exercise and healthy habits). I have had severe weight gain from all these psychiatric meds as well, which does not help one who suffers from depression.
I am ready to shed most of the meds with the help of my therapist, doctor, and support system. I am also ready to shed some of this weight!
It’s been about a week since my last post and it’s hard to blog after the hiatus.
To begin with, we went to Oklahoma City for the weekend. Due to the incredibly high temps, we mainly visited museums: The Toy/Action Figure Museum, the Banjo Museum, the Osteology Museum, and the Oklahoma City National Monument and Museum. I feel like a cloud of sadness has surrounded me since visiting. There are too many emotions to put into words, so I will let that be.
On a lighter note, I returned with a bad thumb infection. The infection and mega-antibiotics made me quite sick for a few days’ time. Nothing seemed to matter except rest and getting Roger taken care of. I even took time off of work, which is a rarity. Yesterday, the doctor had to take “thumb matters” into her own hands (punster). She got the infection out of my thumb and I am feeling much better today. Yesterday, nausea followed the infection extraction.
Today, I have been trying to clear the clutter of work and my neglected house. Clutter makes me unfocused and unhappy. Perhaps today’s organization will shrink that cloud of sadness.
I’ve been focusing these posts so much on me that I have neglected to write about the person that led me to blog to begin with, my son. It is nearing his sixth birthday and I feel like changes in him are occurring daily.
It’s amazing how far he has advanced in the past month. He will have (somewhat) reciprocal conversations, tell you his feelings and ask about yours, answer questions directed to him or even not directed to him (ie, the TV), and he now sleeps in his bedroom alone!!! We are still in the prize stage of sleeping alone (which can be equated to prize stage for potty training). I did tell him that the prizes will start to occur less frequently. However, it seems the biggest prize for him is 1) waking me up once his clock tells him it is OK to and 2) having just the 2 of us watch TV up in his room in the morning.
The speed at which the switch over to “independent” sleeping mimics his switch from pull-ups to potty training. It took YEARS to occur but the final push was quick. Geez, that mimics my labor too.
Now, our big issue is to find other things to work on in ABA. Poor us! (sarcasm)
Things are falling into place and optimism is trickling in. Although by nighttime, my optimism tends to fly out the window.
Today, I had a therapy appointment with an amazing therapist and a fantastic individual. I discussed my involvement on the SEPTSA board (Special Education PTSA), my plans to volunteer at Roger’s elementary school, my work projects, and my plans to delay, or not even seek, my graduate degree. However, my therapist believes I can do all of the above. I may have to lower my expectations (choose to get B’s in school so I can still focus on my family and interests). Even though, wholeheartedly accepting a B seems quite a stretch for me, I do think I am going to exercise the thinking that I will try my best but do not want to neglect all other areas of life.
Though I had a troubled night sleep due to the above worries and the possibility that the decaf I ordered yesterday was actually caffeinated coffee, I am feeling refreshed, renewed, and optimistic.
I felt overwhelmed this morning but feel READY this afternoon!
I slept! Granted, I am awake before Roger and trying to stay quiet so he doesn’t wake. The sound machine, ear plugs, cozy cover, and 1 Benadryl worked. Or else, I slept out of pure exhaustion which does happen on occasion.
I know I should take advantage of this time and try to sleep some more. Unfortunately, when I wake I am up for the day. The wheels start spinning and sleep is over.
I have no expectations that last night’s sleep is now the norm. However, I will take what I can get!
Wednesday, late afternoon, we had our first appointment with an ABA team to, mainly, discuss our co-sleeping issues. A nighttime schedule was devised as well as a plan to start implementing independent sleep beginning this upcoming Sunday night. The people-pleaser that Roger is wholeheartedly agreed to begin sleeping on his own. Every time I would bring up the same issue prior, he would not even consider it. I remained pessimistic of his agreeableness.
That evening when it was time to get ready for bed, Roger took the new schedule and told my husband and I what he would be doing and in what order. He also stated that he was sleeping by himself. I disagreed (mainly because Rob had to get up at 3 am for a flight and that didn’t seem like the ideal first night sleeping downstairs). Roger screamed, “No. I’m sleeping by myself”. I could not argue. This is what we were hoping for.
As far as I know, Roger slept pretty well that first night. My sleep, however, was chaotic: worrying about Roger, sharing a bed with a husband who could not sleep, waking him at 3 am, trying to sleep again at 4, and awoken by Roger a bit past 6. He was so proud of himself! And I was so proud of him too! He told EVERYONE at his school.
Yesterday, Roger had two requests: 1) that I move the extra bed back to the guest room and 2) that I sleep in the guest room instead of downstairs. Not a problem. Except, yet again, my sleep sucked. Tossing and turning and listening. I woke to a crying boy at 4, “its taking a long time”. I’m assuming for morning to come or for me to get out of bed. Thankfully, today a clock arrived that shows him when to sleep and when he can wake mommy.
So, here we are, going on night three, and I am more prepared. I got myself a cozy cover, some earplugs, and a white noise machine. Let sleep come, please.
Today, I emailed a letter to one of my colleagues. I would refer to her as my supervisor but she prefers colleague. Its contents have been plaguing me for quite some time:
My eternal dilemma…
Next week I will become the VP-Communications for the SEPTSA Board (Special Education PTSA). It involves many volunteer hours to complete the necessary work. In addition, when Roger begins Kindergarten, I plan on volunteering in the classroom a couple of hours per week. Here lies my dilemma. Besides my position at (my place of employment), these two positions are near and dear to my heart and I will not sacrifice the time needed for these 3 roles. However, this makes me wonder what time and energy I will have left over for Grad School. In my priority list, Grad School falls below the above listed, family time, and health. Is my position secure if I do not attend Grad School? I’m putting out feelers as to what my priority list has to look like next year and the years ahead until Roger is older and, hopefully, more independent. Of course, I am still “on the fence” but wanted to let you know where I was currently……Being that I will be starting to volunteer prior to the start of the Spring semester, I should have a pretty good idea as to how much time I have left per week.
She reassured me and I felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. So much stress has left my body.
Luckily, last night Rob slept in Roger’s room and I got to sleep in our king bed. I might not have gotten the best night’s sleep (lots of tossing and turning and waking at 2 am out of habit), but I was able to fall back asleep and stay in bed until 6:30ish. I feel like a brand-new woman. I am the polar opposite of yesterday’s zombie. I feel refreshed, raring to go, happy, and not irritable (well, I am alone all day, so it may be too early to say that). I am enjoying myself today and getting lots done.
This afternoon, our new ABA will arrive to talk about our sleeping issues. It could not have come at a better time or on a better day, since I am functional. I am HOPING things getter better.
Currently, in the background, I am listening to Belle & Sebastian’s Live on YouTube. As if to be reassured in my “bigger” size, I see the woman behind the beautiful voice and music. She is not what one would envision. She is normal, not made up, what one may say is a “plain Jane”. But she is not plain, she is angelic as soon as the vocals leave her body.
I am so much more than my outer appearance. I have to remember that. Daily affirmation time?
After yet another 2 o’clock hour awakening (2:14 to be exact), I am a zombie. Seriously. I am no longer inhabiting this body. Something that is barely functioning in airplane mode is inhabiting my body. With today’s workload, I was unable to nap and am afraid the drive to Grapevine and back may be my downfall. I usually yawn my way there but hope I do not end up closer to sleep…
One may think my child will be utterly exhausted after a full-day of school after waking so early. HA! He will be raring to go and off we are to go to the CAC. I hear heat, humidity, and sun really wake you up. If I’m a zombie now, I can’t even imagine what I will turn into by 6:30 this evening. Seriously, I am trying to conjure what I shall be: a comatose zombie?!
Well, the happiness I had a couple of weeks ago ceased when I ceased sleeping “well” (I did not sleep well before but it has gotten worse). I have been crabby, so irritable, and a pleasure to be around. Luckily, today was my appointment with my psychiatrist. Again, we are trying a new medication. However, this medication takes about 4 weeks to build up in your system, so I have to remain on these non-altering, constipation-inducing pills until my next appointment on Monday, August 8th.
On another pleasant note, my son’s anxiety is through the roof. I guess having two anxious parents does not help one bit. However, my son is five and crying hysterically that he won’t be able to take his vitamins or brush his teeth before school because there is not enough time. This was not always so, as he has asked in the past, to take vitamins when he gets home. Each day his anxiety builds more and more about small issues. It seems some of his sensory issues have been replaced with anxiety regarding non-sensory issues. I wonder if that occurs….hmmm, will have to ask the specialists.
Needless-to-say, the household has been a joy….wanna come over one morning?!
As an infant, many people have their babies in a pack-n-play or bassinet next to their bed. The child will then be moved to a crib…toddler bed…twin bed, etc. in their own bedroom. Our situation started out much the same as we moved Roger to a crib…
| All was good until about 12 months of age, I believe. Exhaustion makes my memory hazy. Around that age, Roger would awake moments after falling asleep in his crib. I was not one who could do the “cry it out” method. Sooooooo, Roger ended up in our bed. Eventually, we brought his toddler bed, put it against the wall and pushed our queen bed against it. It was like we were back to the bassinet days. However, at this age, he would suffer through all these soothing rituals to try to fall asleep. Nothing worked for hours upon hours. Fortunately, our pediatrician recommended a very small dose of melatonin. |
Fast forward to almost age 6…
We have graduated from the “family bed” to one adult sleeping in the king bed in the “big bedroom” while the other adult sleeps with Roger in two beds pushed together….to two beds slightly separated….to two beds on different parts of the same bedroom. I am usually the lucky adult who gets to sleep in my son’s room. Recently, Roger has been waking in the middle of the night and climbing into the twin bed I get to sleep in.
Sleep…what is that? I am averaging 1.5 – 5 hours of sleep per night. This is getting absolutely ridiculous. Next Wednesday, I am hoping for a godsend of an ABA therapist who will begin our journey to end this Hell I have created. Wish ME luck!
Right now I am feeling incredibly anxious. What is the source of my anxiety: lack of sleep from a son entering my twin bed (co-sleep in son’s room but in different beds) around midnight through seven this morning; worry about my father’s surgery tomorrow; signing up for a Mother’s Night Out when I get socially awkward around a group of people; volunteering for the Autism Education Summit when I am now worried it may be too biomedical for me; spending money on a new dining room set; the combination of all those listed above?
I know it is silly to worry about such menial things (barring the surgery), but that is part of my diagnosis and one aspect of my personality that I am working on being more even keel.
Now, I am feeling quite anxious because I have nothing to write about…perhaps tomorrow my thoughts will not be as scattered. Stay tuned!
This past week has rocked and I am proud of myself. With my constant physical, mental and emotional health issues, I have been barely existing and using my only energy for my son, Roger. This week, however, I have concentrated and focused on work, some light housekeeping, and, most impressively, exercise! I feel like I am getting back into the groove of life.
This morning, for exercise, I took my old walk path. Although living in flat Texas, the walking trails in Highland Village are incredibly hilly with “Caution: Steep Hill” signage. It kicked my butt, especially in this horrible heat (even at 9 am). However, I did enjoy the two quick conversations with strangers along my route. One had two adorable pugs (my absolute dream dog that I am highly allergic to….one can still dream). The other was an overheated lady, like myself. I thought to myself, “I love my neighborhood”…and “Although residing in the state of TX, I think I could live here a very long time”. The return walk sucked ass but I made it…what else could I do?
Yesterday, I went to kickboxing with a good friend of mine. It has been a many month hiatus and was glad to have the good company to chat with as I tried to keep my composure while working out. I really did not try that hard to keep my composure – cursing, stopping, heart rate too high. But, again, I made it!
Monday, I weighed myself and was my highest weight in my entire life – including full pregnancy. I know one should not put value in the scale, but it was the motivation I needed (now that I can be motivated, thank you meds)!
Yesterday I saw my therapist. She is such a busy therapist that I had to book appointments through the end of the year to ensure I would see her every few weeks. Prior to this brilliant scheduling, I was seeing a therapist her office recommended that I could book a future weekly or bi-weekly appointment easily at each appointment. However, I always felt a closer connection to my “other therapist”, so much so that I recommended her to everyone.
The psychologist that I saw for a few months diagnosed me with bipolar disorder due to my reaction to the drug Trazadone. Supposedly, mania while on that medication is an indication of bipolar. However, yesterday, my no longer “other therapist” but my sole therapist, stated that she thinks that is completely incorrect. She has never seen any indication of Bipolar. Instead, she believes I have pretty extreme OCD, depression, social anxiety, and Asperger’s. I agree with her. I never really felt the euphoria of mania.
This past appointment she did say that she has never seen me as energetic/awake as I was at yesterday’s appointment . I told her I was worried it was a manic episode and would culminate in a month-long depression (which started the above conversation). However, she said it appears to be other’s “normal” level of energy that I am finally experiencing since my hormones and medications seem to be stable. Geez, this is how other’s feel daily? I still get depleted by 5 pm but I am actually functional during the day. I’m actually focused and happy/content. I love it and hope it stays this way! In the past, I switched off these hormones due to the pain of injection and the uninsured expense. But, clearly, it is worth both!
I am relieved that this week has been so much better than the past few weeks. Something is finally working: the HRT, the Abilify, slowly adding exercise into the mix, fewer doctor’s appointments. Whatever the hell it is, even if it is my positive mood swing that may culminate in another month-long depression, I am thrilled to be where I am. The brain fog has lifted and I no longer feel like my mind cannot make simple comprehensions. I am actually starting to feel intelligent, once more, and not-so-overwhelmed!
This change could not have happened at a better time, since we head to the beach for a 3-day weekend. This is the last year-round schooling for Roger and it has been difficult to hide the fact that other kids have summers off. Our solution was to have three 3-day weekends (one each summer month). He is thrilled he gets to miss school on a Friday while his classmates have to go to school. I feel badly that he doesn’t get to truly enjoy summer vacation like the other kiddos. However, Roger does require structure and back to back scheduled activities. Even after his 8:30-4 pm school day, he wants us to go several places. He hates just going home. It is very trying for me when I get into my ruts. This week, I have been obliging with roller skating after therapy on Monday and the splash park/pool for three hours after yesterday’s school day.
Being exhausted by fun family activities is much more rewarding than being exhausted by just existing!
About a week and a half ago another Ausome mom referred to me as a blogger (as well as great source of autism knowledge, which I truly appreciate). Unfortunately, the blogger part of me has been non-existent for the past 6 + months. There have been many moments that I have thought, “I should really write a post right now.” But just as thoughts of exercise or cleaning the house, the urge was not great enough to open WordPress. There have been many false beginnings when I claim to write daily and I utterly fail within weeks (sometimes days). This time I will not make that claim, or any claim for that matter.
I have discovered that my bipolar and mixed up hormones motivate me at intervals when I sign up for grad school, get started on healthy eating and exercise, and try to “conquer the world”. However, that gets washed away and I have weeks and, at times months, of exhaustion, despair, depression, body aches and pains, lack of any sleep, etc. Right now, I am back on the saddle of plan-making and told my hubby, “I definitely HAVE to start grad school” in the spring. But, in actuality, I do not HAVE to. I want to. It’d be nice to have my MLS/MLIS but it’s not necessary to my existence or work. I am aware how fleeting my feelings are and may feel completely different tomorrow (or in a few hours!).
My poor family has to struggle with my struggle. I was doing really well emotionally on Trileptal but my sodium level plummeted and had to go on fluid restriction of 33 ounces a day. I LOVE drinking water. And during these 90+ degree days, that is insane! My medication was switched and I am starting to feel more even keel. In addition, my testosterone level did not even show up in bloodwork. I had to change my hormone replacement therapy last week, also. Let me tell you, having a hysterectomy was the utterly worse decision I have made in life. I did have issues prior but they did not feel as extreme as the past 3 years! My last issue was high cholesterol.
Geez, I am not even 43 (well, I will be in a couple days) and I have the issues of a senior. I gotta REALLY start taking care of me or my weeks will be like last week when I had 4 different doctor’s appointments. This week I only have 1!
I figured since I’ve been absent from posting the last 3 weeks, I’d post separate entries regarding what’s been up in our world.
One of the most frustrating issues has been a denial of insurance for ABA services due to “not being medically necessary” for our 5 year old son with autism. We buy our son his own insurance policy just for ABA services since self-funded employer plans can opt out of providing it.
Anybody with an inkling of autism knowledge should be aware that the only proven therapy to help is applied behavioral analysis (ABA). Roger began Early Intervention in California at the age of 18 months, prior to his diagnosis, and they utilized the Denver Model that includes ABA. He was in that program until we moved to Texas in October of 2013.
The following year we were not aware of child-only policies, so he only attended PPCD 3 hours a day, had OT 1-2 times a week and Speech once a week. He did progress a little bit but nothing like he has in 2015 while attending the Easter Seals’ preschool with a BCBA.
Of course, I received the letter on a Friday night and began freaking out. Saturday we had plans so I could only mentally obsess. Sunday was the day I dedicated to compiling my appeal. The package that I sent in a Priority Medium Flat Rate Box consisted of over 250 pages of evaluations/observations/ADOS/IEPs. After I finished that task, I wrote letters to Easter Seals’, our psychologist, and pediatrician to fax their letters separately.
I am relieved that it is off in the mail before the holidays! One less thing to think about until I follow up next week.
I don’t know what’s being pumped into our house today but we are all in crappy moods. Roger is whining over EVERYTHING and I’m extremely irritable which is a great combination as his whining is pushing me over the edge. I try to put on a smile and act cheery but then I get in a funk again.
I was hoping that writing may give me a revelation or turn my mood around. However, I realize now that I no longer feel like writing.
Life with bipolar.
My son is such a great kid. He’s not aggressive like most boys his age (he’s 5). He is super affectionate and we could all learn from his determination.
Tuesday Roger had to have an endoscopy and 24 hour esophageal nasal tube test. I tried prepping him the night before on what to expect and showed him pictures of the nasal tube. We also kept repeating the food and drink cut off times. He nodded. He was completely disinterested.
The next morning he (we) woke nice and early. He asked for his morning snacks and water. We told him no to food and that he had 30 minutes left to drink water. We set a timer. He does well with countdowns.
The drive to the hospital was a bit lengthy due to traffic and the maps getting confused and rerouting. My husband dropped us off out front. Roger was hoping for a play area but there was none. Things moved very quickly and we were at the desk going over a ton of forms needing signatures. Roger looked at me and said, “I’m sad”. Up until that point, he was completely non-chalant. I told him mommy and daddy were going back with him.
Roger did well getting his cape on and getting his vitals taken. Usually his can never be read due to his non-stop movement. As things tend to go, our wait before getting his “silly” juice/sleepy medicine was nearly 2 hours. Roger was a trooper playing on his iPad and watching Home on their tv. The girl across from our “room” continually screamed “I’m scared!” If I were in Roger’s shoes that would’ve made me a wreck. He seemed not at all bothered (thank you, autism). Finally, he received his “juice” and started quieting down and got sleepy. They wheeled him back to the OR about 30 minutes later and he did not get upset at all (inside I was a mess).
The procedures did not take long, all went well, and we were allowed to go to the recovery room. Roger’s eyes were full of tears. He kept repeating that he wanted the tube removed. It was a circular cycle of him asking, him being denied, and him spiraling into a series of coughing that even worried the nurses. During this time, the tube also had to be moved down his esophagus further. It was all so heart-wrenching. He also needed arm casts to prevent him from touching the tube. We tried to have them off a few times but he immediately would grab at the tube.
The tube, the arm restraints, and the awful food schedule of him only being able to eat/drink every 4 hours with nothing in between was what we left the hospital with. We had a few bad moments during the day but he was so unbelievably good. I would not have been that calm and easy-going.
My son is one remarkable little boy.
To begin with let me acknowledge that I am grateful for the Affordable Care Act. I am able to get ABA services for my son because of it. Employers can opt out of that coverage and most due (unless the founder/CEO/other bigwig is personally affected by it). Also, Roger will not be denied medical and behavioral services based on the pre existing condition of autism.
2015 was our first year using an ACA plan for Roger. We reached the out of pocket maximum in less than two months. He was able to attend the Easter Seals preschool. Without the insurance that would not have been possible since it costs $4900 a month ($58,800 a year). He is excelling and it has been a year of unimaginable growth. There have been some pitfalls with reviews of medical necessity, but, overall, an easy year.
Next year the medical doctor pool is dwindling for the ACA plans. Roger will still be able to have his ABA but speech, occupational therapy, and physical therapy options will be close to none as well as pediatrician and specialist options. It seems our only solution will be to place Roger both on his own ACA plan and on my employer plan. In addition to the increased costs of monthly premiums, we will still be reaching his ACA out of pocket maximum without it benefitting the cost of his other therapies and medical needs. Those will be on a plan with it’s separate deductible and out of pocket maximum.
We will take on the extra burden of cost, but what happens to those who cannot?
Today has been a day of waiting and wading through awful weather. I have gone to three back-to-back doctor appointments. Well, in actuality, I am still in the waiting room for the third. I am an inpatient person and have handled the waiting in stride. That last statement is conditional on the length of this wait.
You may be thinking: 3 doctor’s appointments in one morning…how old are you? Well, I’m 42. Although I sometimes feel ancient, I am not. My first appointment was my psychiatrist who is very cut and dry. Although this past week has been pretty even-keeled, I did have a few manic episodes in the past 3 weeks. Unlike the euphoria some bipolar have during mania, mine is filled with anxiety and irritability and obsessive thoughts. My meds were increased again and I am hopeful that will work better.
My second appointment was for my weekly allergy shots. It’s not an official appointment, but puts a dent of 45 minutes in my day. I have had severe allergies since I was little. When I lived in NYC, I finally decided to have shots, since medication did not work. However, after 10 months, I had an anaphylactic reaction and stopped them til about a year ago. Again, my allergies were making my life unlivable and my therapist urged me to try them again. I had the test and found out I was allergic to EVERYTHING except horse dander, cockroaches, and some strands of mold. I get 3 shots a week and have been doing much better.
My third appointment is the back doctor. I have had chronic back issues for the past 10 years, the worst being in my neck. I know a lot of that area has to do with stress, as well as degenerative and herniated discs and pinched nerves. I am still waiting for my 10:45 appointment. Only about 30 minutes late. However, this blog has kept me level. I’ll see if I go off the deep end now that I’m done!
I don’t know about the rest of the world but, for me, one day can feel like several disjointed days. Maybe it is because it begins so early and chaotically. Maybe because I have to make shifts between my jobs. Maybe because we are overscheduled. Maybe because I am exhausted from a lack of sleep and too many things on my mind.
Whatever the reason, today feels like I’m on part 2 right now. This morning was a lengthy parent-teacher meeting. They are very helpful, listen attentively and have great input. After the meeting, I decided to make a doctor’s appointment for Roger. He has had a cough for about a week that is so terrible at night that we are all sleeping horribly. I don’t think he was sick, but I wanted to double-check since he is scheduled for an endoscopy next week. I called from the school parking lot and scheduled a 10:45 appt. It was 9:15 in Grapevine which is roughly 30-40 minutes from our house in Highland Village. Instead of pulling him that early, I got some coffee downtown and picked him up a little after 10. The doctor reassured he is all good to go with the endoscopy and prescribed a nasal allergy medicine. She believes his coughing may be so severe due to his reflux issues. A quick run to Five Below for a transformer for being such a good boy (his words) and we headed home. Thankfully, my parents were able to watch him this afternoon, so I could enter part two of my day.
We arrived home minutes before my folks arrived. I was trying to bring all of our junk in from the car, get Snuffles outside to go potty, open Roger’s new toys, get a cup of coffee, take out the smelly trash, start laundry, etc. My parents always get to see me under a mountain of stress. A mountain of stress from just doing normal chores. However, I try to do all these things in ten minutes or less. I get frazzled, inpatient, snappy, pissed off, and super sensitive. Getting into my work flow actually calms me and gets me back into my routine. Clearly my Aspergers loves routines and gets upset when my routine is upset (as it was this morning).
Part three of my day will occur after my work shift. It usually consists of picking up Roger, going to therapy, getting his dinner ready and the bedtime/bathtime routine, and a quick interaction with my husband. Tonight, my parents are taking him to therapy (so I can make up work hours) and will be making dinner at their house.
I know I am lucky to have my parents available….and, yes, I did apologize for my earlier demeanor with them!
Spinning Wheels 