back pain – Page 2 – Spinning Wheels

Follow up on yesterday’s 1-4

For those interested:

Pain doctor – she is sending a referral to a neurosurgeon. We both discussed the Orthopedic Surgeon who I previously went to and I said he was too “surgery happy” and I would prefer to see someone she recommended, since her recommendation for a surgeon for my elbow was fantastic. She said the doctor she is sending me to was head at UC Davis and is conservative in his approach. Also, we scheduled two cervical epidurals on March 7th and March 28th with a follow up with her in April.
Dental cleaning – they said all is good and that I have been doing well with my upkeep
Open House was really great. Roger was super excited and he got to show us all around. It makes me waffle a bit about our decision to switch to the STEM Academy at Donald next year.
The Dead Milkmen were phenomenal. So much fun! It’s always nice going to a concert with most of the attendees your general age. There were some younger kiddos as well (middle school aged). However, about 3-4 songs near the end I was aching to go. My back was feeling it!

Last night we got home too late and this morning came too early. My back is in dire straights today which is calling for a lot of icing and, soon, a hot bath which will, hopefully, be followed by a nap.

Busy, busy day

So, as life would have it, I slept terribly last night. I knew today was jam-packed and I am sure that this is what affected my sleep. I kept telling myself I needed a good night’s rest to make it through today but I ended up restless.

Beside the daily grind of getting Roger ready for school and walking him to school, working at my job, and picking him up for school, the following is scheduled:

Pain doctor appointment – my lower back stinks today from not getting rest last night (BOO)
After work, a dental cleaning – I had to reschedule since I had bad allergy attacks the day of my last scheduled cleaning
Open house at Roger’s school (as well as In-N-Out Burger dinner there)
The Dead Milkmen concert in Dallas – now this should be so much fun. The last time I saw them I was in high school. I believe it was 29 years ago (GULP) but it will be a late, late night for me.

Barring the doctor’s appointments, it should be a fun day. Roger is excited for Open House and Rob is excited for the Dead Milkmen. I am excited for sleep tonight!

Ending February

Wow, one-sixth of 2018 is complete. Today, I have a slower work pace, as the project responses have slowed down and I can concentrate on different aspects of my work as well. It has also given me a chance to get up and move around more, which is needed on the day after the “dusting incident”. I was able to clean the kitchen, to the best of my ability. This helps since this is where I am currently situated on a stiff chair.

In addition, I was able to break free and have an actual hour break at coffee with my lady friends. It was a nice change of pace. Unfortunately, we mainly talk about our kids, instead of ourselves. I guess that happens when you become a parent — your identity as an individual diminishes into that of a parent.

Now I am experiencing the downside of a slow-paced work day: exhaustion. When everything is busy, you don’t notice. Right now, I am fighting to keep my eyes open.

Gotta get up and move around. See you in March!

Unintentional Hiatus

I have a few minutes and due to today’s “dusting accident” I cannot lounge in my comfy chair. Stuck upright, I decided to blog. I cannot believe the last day I blogged was February 9th – 18 days ago.

There have been quite a few changes since that time. Let me pause and see what was happening on the 9th and I will see what I was doing then and comment on the changes.

Well, that wasn’t the most exciting of blog posts…not sure this will be either! Well, my husband gave notice at his job and has been working from home as an independent artist since February 19th. We are into the second week and things are going considerably better than I thought. Work has been considerably busier than usual due to a huge yearly project. It is nice having that workload, actually. It makes the day move faster and I think it made the transition easier having my husband home with me.

Mental health wise: I had my second appointment with the therapist and was not as thrilled as I was the first meeting. There is no stress management plan in the works. I think I need to “stress” that at our next appointment on March 6th. (ba-dum-ch)

Physical health wise: The past few weeks my elbow has been killing me (where I had ulnar nerve surgery). Last week I had an appointment with the orthopedic surgeon. She believes the pain is stemming from my cervical issues. She used a water hose in describing the “Double crush syndrome” with the ulnar nerve and my cervical issues. Two people are stepping on a water hose, when one person steps off, the water may flow, but it still needs to get around the second blockage. My neck and elbow were both crushing the nerve. One blockage has been taken care of but my discs may be pressing on my nerve as well. I have an appointment scheduled for Thursday to discuss, yet another, cervical epidural with the pain doctor. I guess while I am there I will discuss my dusting incident. I was enjoying dusting upstairs, twisted wrong (I guess) and sharp pain in my lower left back down my left leg. Tried meds, icing, hot bath, and it still hurts. Guess it was a good thing Rob works from home and could pick Roger up!

Roger wise: Roger was accepted into the STEM Academy at Donald Elementary for 2nd grade. We applied because it sounded awesome, but we knew the odds were low — about 450 families applied for 80/90 seats (20-25 students for each grade K-3). The decision to go would be made on the off-chance Roger got selected. I reached out to Roger’s past BCBA, his special education teacher, his long-term substitute teacher, and his principal asking their advice. Basically, they all agreed that Roger was a “hands-on” learner and would excel in an learning environment that was 50% hands-on. We always have the option to return to his neighborhood school. Roger will be going!

Here’s hoping I will be writing more and in less pain!

What a pain in the back!

This morning I had scheduled Yin and Sit Yoga and Meditation, some “me” time.

After waking up to Roger on the iPad continuously this morning, I decided to finish my weekend work while riding the stationary bike. I was done by 9. I then did homework with Roger and followed it with some fun karaoke. Then the time arrived: time for me, time for yoga.

I was in tears from the beginning movements to the final savasana. I was in total pain from my neck to my tailbone to my right leg. This is where Roger, my son with autism, rammed his head into my spine after not getting his way. This was on January 2nd and I don’t even remember what it was regarding. All I remember was it was post-massage as I plopped onto the bed on my belly and was peacefully lying there. I let out the loudest cry. It immediately hurt so terribly. I don’t think I ever produced a scream like that even when I broke my knee or ankle.

It has been three weeks and the pain has not gotten better. I have tried Tylenol and anti-inflammatories while using the heating pad but this has not helped in the least bit. I kept wondering where all my depression and lack of motivation came from at the beginning of this year. Today was my reminder. I am so glad that the majority of the class is done with your eyes closed, so others did not see the tears stream down my face.

When class was over, and that could not come quickly enough — that damn 75 minutes, I rushed to my car for a proper cry. Then the thoughts raced: have to make an appointment this week. With who? My primary doctor? My back doctor who I am not really fond of — seems too surgery happy? My pain doctor? Next thoughts: I really am going to have to cancel being teacher’s helper this week, my back cannot handle the copier. Followed by thoughts of that yoga retreat that accepted me on “scholarship” but is less than 2 weeks away. How can I possibly do a yoga retreat right now? I do not foresee my pain level being that lessened in that short period of a time – especially since specialized doctors usually do not have readily available appointments.

I told Rob to occupy Roger for a bit. I am in such a terrible mood right now. I have 2 loads of laundry and cannot even muster the strength to empty the dryer to put the other load in. And the state of the house is in total disarray due to Roger’s “box fort” building. I may hide myself away in the bedroom for the time being until I can cope better with it all.

Weekend Anxiety

I am still under the weather with coughing, allergies, chills, some tummy issues, etc. Unfortunately, Roger, as an only child, wants to be entertained. This morning he was already talking about what fun things we could do later: karaoke, games. Thankfully, he is aware my back hurt too bad last night from roller skates that he took that off the table. Of course, resting and watching a movie are always off the table for Roger too!

This weekend happens to be a 3 day weekend as well, so that gives me an extra day of “fun” to schedule for Roger. I am trying to institute a family fun day on Saturdays to do something out of the ordinary (zoo, museum, Dallas in general, etc.). Tomorrow, I am pitching Ripley’s Believe It or Not since it will be quite chilly. We will see if everyone is on board with that decision. Sunday, I hope to feel up to Yin Yoga and Mediation followed by a short date with Rob. Monday morning is still unscheduled but I have a make-up swim lesson planned for 1 pm followed by a play date with Roger’s best friend followed by Occupational Therapy.

I just have to make it through today first!

The Seventh of January

The first week of January has been a moody week for me. In my head, I tried to keep positive with all the drama surrounding me. I tried to keep patient with the cries of a sensory kiddo. I tried to stay on task with my mind constantly distracted.

Last night, as we watched another uplifting show on Netflix, The End of the F***ing World, I was saddened and, clearly, philosophical. With the attainment of all our possessions, what is the point? What purpose do they serve? Why was I so excited to have our first real bedroom set? Why did I value my Roomba (that I almost broke and quietly lectured myself about) so much more than my peace of mind?

Well, today, with last night’s lack of sleep, I am again impatient, moody, and exhausted. We have an “all day” window for furniture delivery. I completed my weekend work for my “real” job and have a litany of chores around the house to occupy my time til the arrival. However, after finishing my work, I meditated via Headspace and am now blogging for a moment or two. Am I procrastinating cleaning the toilets or do I just need some rest? It is hard to decipher. I will sit here in quiet until the mood (or, perhaps, the guilt) drives me to do something else.

2018, Take Two

The second day of the year was not nearly as peaceful as I hoped. I did have a lovely, full night’s sleep in our king bed downstairs. However, that tranquility was disturbed by a frantic phone call. It was a family issue (not immediate family affected). I tried not to harp on it and go about my day. Unfortunately, the internet, cable and home phone were all not working, so Rob called Spectrum to resolve the issues. They said we would need a technician to come out and the first availability would be Friday. This is one of the downsides of working from home at a job that does not want you to use Wi-Fi in public places.

Fortunately, while that phone call was still in progress, I had an appointment for a massage and facial. I still had hope for this day yet. Both were lovely but I had an especially talkative masseuse. I like the quiet massage time. Also, he mentioned religion 3 times during the massage while I am on my stomach with my Coop Devil Tattoo on my back. These are the times I regret that tattoo.

When I returned home, we decided to eat out and play video games at Round 1. Here is where the real fun begins….My son has either extreme sensory issues with his feet/shoes and/or OCD. We think it is sensory since it has been there the majority of his life. I tightened his left shoe 3 times and his right shoe 5 times and the right shoe was still not tight enough. My hands could no longer handle the laces. I told him I refused to tie it anymore and I plopped belly first on the bed. In anger, he crammed his head into the right side of my back incredibly hard. Tears filled my eyes and I let out a scream in anguish. It hurt so badly and he intended on hurting me. Not only the pain, but intention kept the tears coming. This was my first big cry of 2018.

It took about an hour or so til we were able to get out the door and salvage the day. Oh, 2018 you are already trying my patience!

November

I am hoping to have turned the corner on exercise and wellness. Yesterday, I went to a yoga class for the first time in YEARS! It was a restorative class and last night my cervical pain has been at its lowest. Today, I did a 30 minute streaming cardio class. The first fifteen minutes seemed pretty easy but the last fifteen was pretty difficult. It felt great to complete. I am hoping exercise along with my Headspace meditation will make dealing with my own and Roger’s anxiety easier.

Back in the Saddle Again

Yesterday was my first day back at work. It was an 8 hour day. I took hourly breaks to walk and move my arms. During my lunch break, I did my 10 minute headspace meditation program and rested in bed an additional 10 minutes or so. After school, Roger had homework and then Occupational Therapy. After OT, we had our normal Chick-fil-A dinner and play date with his friend at our house. It was a long day, especially since part of my workload occurred between the 7 to 9 o’clock hours. I was very sore by the time I went to bed and woke up pretty sore too.

Today, I, again, took breaks and had my meditation/rest time during lunch. This afternoon will be pretty packed with Roger having a trial singing lesson at School of Rock, followed by his swimming lesson, followed by dinner at my parents house, followed by spelling homework, followed by showers/bed. I’m exhausted thinking about it! However, the routine and new 5 minutes-per-hour (in the morning) exercise schedule has put me in a better mood than I have been.

I am hoping my health, wellness, and recovery will flourish.

Today I am very hopeful.

Health update

Yesterday morning I had a lumbar epidural. I had a choice between local or general anesthesia. I chose general anesthesia and am glad I did. The back doctor had wanted a caudal epidural but I had extra bony growth, so the needle could not go the whole way in. They had to do a higher injection. The downside is that while I was under I coughed/sneezed the entire time. I came out of anesthesia with a bad sore throat, almost no voice, and a raw nose. Thankfully, they said I kept apologizing, so at least I was nice while under! However, I had Rob make me an appointment at our internist to see if I had more than just bad allergies. Today was my appointment and I have ANOTHER sinus infection.

My second appointment of the day was my follow-up with my orthopedic surgeon re: my ulnar nerve surgery. I am doing very well and she released me back to work on Monday. I told her how my other fingers are going numb and she fit me for a carpal tunnel splint. However, she thinks the problem is stemming from my cervical issue. I guess time will tell. I have another follow-up in 3.5 weeks.

I would be in a better mood if I got more than 2 hours 19 minutes sleep last night. The antibiotic shot must be somewhat working because my headache has subsided. Here’s hoping I am more myself before I head back to the workforce Monday!

A bit down

Today I woke up feeling down, just an overall feeling of sadness. I looked around the messy living room and felt unease. I really wanted to clean it all up but was lacking the energy. Also, I had plans for coffee with some friends. I reluctantly went to coffee, for when I am down I am not feeling social. It was a nice hour but I still felt down and tired when I left (despite the additional 16 ounces of coffee).

I keep wondering why I feel so down and today’s Headspace meditation had me realize one factor. Today, it was focusing on if you are feeling pain and I realized my intention through the meditation and during this sick leave was to recover and rejuvenate. I am still in pain through my arms, my entire back, and now my feet. With virtually weeks of rest, my body has not rejuvenated itself. It has actually worsened in some areas. I was hoping when I was to return to work I would feel better than when I had my last working day.

Sunday, Glum Day

Well, I tried the hydrocodone with Benadryl to see if I could avoid the itchiness. It did not work, so I am taking 4 Advil every 8 hours or so. I slept much better last night due to the lack of itching and lack of repeated daytime naps. The day of surgery was like one long nap most of the day. Yesterday and today, I took only one afternoon nap.

The surgeon told Rob that my pain level would not increase from how I felt post-surgery. That’s not really been the case. Today my inner arm and elbow both feel like they’ve been cut open (which they have). Plus, my right shoulder feels wonky. It must be because of relying on my right arm these past few days. And, of course, when moving some Garbage Pail Kids, my left lumbar back went out/popped. I took muscle relaxers and put the heating pad on it, but it still hurts.

I attempted my first shower with a garbage bag arm and Rob waiting right outside. Who knew that a simple shower that is usually refreshing could wipe someone out so much!

Tomorrow is the first day of 1st grade and Rob’s last day home with me. Here’s hoping it is an easier day!

Remainder of Week 6 and Week 7

Life has been completely overwhelming! That, actually, may be the biggest understatement I have made in a while. I do not do well with stress, so for others, these weeks may not seem like such a big deal, but for me they have been hellish!

Tuesday I was completely overwhelmed, but, as has been the case, blogging helped me snap out of it a bit. Also, my son graduated his level of swimming and went up to a level 4. Having a child with autism who has fears is a double whammy – we have tried lessons year after year, but putting his head under water ended each attempt. Now, he is constantly going under water. It is amazing to watch!

The remainder of my week was haunted by bad back and neck pain and headaches. I had several appointments: physical therapy, psychologist, and my orthopedic surgeon. As usual, my pain increased after having physical therapy and remained high through the weekend until Sunday. From this correlation, I decided to stop going to PT. It is no longer necessary, the doctor told me, unless it was helping. After 6 sessions, the pain was exacerbated. I had felt more at ease with my decision to have ACDF surgery as the doctor explained and answered my questions during my appointment. But I also made an appointment for a second opinion, since I do not want to rush into surgery.

I have an appointment next Monday for a neurologist. However, looking up my symptoms, my continuous headache sounds like a tension headache. I still need to find out if there is any other issue regarding the tinnitus and dizziness, as well. Tension is the key word of these past few months!

Yesterday, I had my EMG. The EMG was interesting, getting shocked by a mini car battery and then needles put in my arm, moving them, while pushing against the doctor’s hand on demand. I found out that I now have to go to a hand specialist due to a nerve that is very compressed/blocked in my elbow. Add those appointments to the roster! The upside: that was the only damaged nerve. Those results did not help me with the decision for ACDF surgery, as I had hoped, all it did was set me up for another potential surgery on my elbow. Great, more to obsess about!

Downer Update

I reposted yesterday’s blogs in some of the FB groups I belong to for cervical issues/ACDF surgery. I received a lot of acknowledgement of what I have been feeling and dealing with. I think venting helped my mood a bit. In the evening, I took my son to him swim lesson and went to the pool afterwards for 2 hours. My back was in lots of pain, but I did my new exercises from physical therapy that day after dinner.

This morning I woke up, again in pain, but feeling a bit more stable mentally/emotionally. I made a few decisions that I think were partly to blame for yesterday’s mood:

Do not try to start work before taking my son to camp. I was already feeling overwhelmed/stressed from the work emails before the day really began.
EAT before going to an 11 am physical therapy appointment. I only had 3 cups of coffee and water in the morning. As I was waiting to begin therapy, the hunger crept in.
Do my exercises first thing in the morning and after dinner (on days I have physical therapy). On days I do not have PT, add another set before picking Roger up from camp.

The exercises are hurting me and the pain is probably worse than before my first day back at physical therapy. The headache is a bit more intense as well. I will bring it up with her today.

This week and next are filled with appointments: Tuesday – PT, Wednesday – PT, Thursday – Internist, Friday – PT, Monday – Pain Management, Friday – Orthopedic Surgeon. PT wants me to come 3 times a week, so I am guessing that will fill my Tuesday – Thursday. I can only do one appointment a day due to work.

Another interesting thing occurred yesterday. I am not sure if it changed my mood for the better or had much of an effect at all. I was called to schedule my ACDF surgery. I am still unsure if I will have it and will see how therapy goes, as well as getting a second opinion. I scheduled it for October 19th, with my pre-op on October 4th and post-op on November 1st. Sounds like it’s so far away, but in actuality it is only 14 weeks. It is enough time to see what is working/what is not/and make an informed decision.

Downer Alert!

It’s hard to explain how I am feeling, as of late. I am moving through a heavy haze at all times. Due to my cervical issues, I have constant headaches so I have a constant pressure on my head. I have tinnitus that is constant. My eyelids feel so heavy at all times. My focus is completely gone. Each task feels so difficult and causes me so much stress. I am constantly reactive when doing these tasks. I have a sour expression on my face all the time. I feel completely antisocial. And I hate myself when I suffer through the small talk I must do on a daily basis. I need a break from everything but how does one do that? This summer is killing me. I cannot even figure out how to work all my hours in a week when I look at my schedule that now includes doctor and therapy appointments daily. After I let the dogs out earlier, I leaned my head against the wall and felt like I could stay like that all day and not move. Sometimes when I am working, I close my eyes for a few seconds and imagine falling asleep the rest of the day. However, it would not even be the rest of the day since these summer days are broken into chunks. I am utterly depressed. It is even hard to express how depressed I feel. I think when I had post-partum depression it was about at the severity it is now. I have a job, husband and child. I cannot just stop doing the daily routine, no matter how much I wish I could. This daily summer grind is killing me. Seven more weeks of summer break. I tell myself that I will take off a full-day of work when he is back at school, so I can rest/sleep all day. What do I do in the meantime? I am just so wiped out…

Monday, Not So Funday

Usually I love Monday’s. I get to get back into my work groove and my routine, which I love to be in. However, this morning, I had to have a work call with my boss first thing in the morning. The call was not stressful, but a small project was given to me for the day. As the call continued, work emails kept pouring in. On top of that, the dogs were barking on and off. Also, our dryer was being installed. I just felt so much stress. When I feel so much stress, I speed up my work and try to do hours and hours of work in a couple of hours. I become a tad crazy about the workload and try to complete it as quickly as possible.

I do not feel accomplished today. Instead I wonder why do I do this to myself. There was no time frame to finish the project but I put all this weight on myself to do a good job in an efficient manner. That is the worker they hired. I still work at that fast speed but now my head spins in the process.

This cycle of back pain – headache – depression – lack of sleep – utter exhaustion – lack of focus/concentration is burying me in a big hole that I don’t know how to dig out of. Also, my allergies have been making a comeback although it is not high allergy season. I wonder if my immune system is crushed under all this. I feel so hopelessly BLAH.

I start physical therapy tomorrow and hope that will start some good cycle. Secondly, next Monday I have an appointment with the pain doctor and am hoping that will help as well. I contemplate seeing a new therapist who may not be so much of a cheerleader but give me a kick in the butt, but right now I do not know if I could deal with that. I may have to physically feel better before I start feeling better mentally. Or should I work on both at the same time? With it being summer, I do not have many extra hours to work with to go to doctor’s/therapist’s appointments every day.

My poor husband has to deal with the brunt of my anger/grumpiness. I unleash it all on him. After I do or when I am alone, I realize what a terror I have become and feel so guilty. Yet, the next flare up, I do the same. I hope he realizes how much I love him and appreciate his support!

Week 5 of Summer

Due to July 4th and a week with no camps, I did not write about the 5th week of Summer. It was a difficult week pain-wise — probably one of my most grueling in quite some time. Monday, I had my MRI and decided to track down all my past MRIs for copies. I am still trying to see if I am able to get my ones from NYC, but that may not happen. It was interesting reading over the results and seeing the number of MRIs I have gotten since 20414!

If not for Roger’s enthusiasm of July 4th, I would have stayed home that day in bed! However, he had so much fun swimming at a friend’s house, playing with sparklers and watching fireworks. Although enjoying the company of friends, I was thinking about my bed all during the fireworks…

Thursday of last week, Roger had a lot of dental procedures done — 2 crowns, 3 fillings and 4 sealants. In the past we have tried (very unsuccessfully) laughing gas and the cocktail for pediatric procedures. This time I opted for full-on anesthesia. He did well through the procedures which ended up including pulling his two front teeth. I was nervous to see how he would react to that. When he roused, he was very sad (as predicted) and very out of it. My heart went out to him. Such a little boy! Luckily, the nurse carried him to the car. Unfortunately, I realized that I would have to carry this 70 pound boy from the garage up three stairs and into the bedroom. I did not think he would be incapable of grabbing onto me to help with the carry. Getting him out of the booster seat was an ordeal. I asked him to hold onto me, but he could not comprehend nor seem to have any strength to do so. I don’t know how, but I ended up lifting him off the floor of the garage and managed to get him onto the bed without dragging him.

He was sad for a long time and tired too. However, he could not fall back asleep. He just laid in bed staring at the ceiling. Eventually, we started watching Diary of a Wimpy Kid and he started waking up more. His sitter came by and I asked her to run a couple of errands, since he did not want to see her. My foresight was not great, so we needed some soft foods like jello. Also, I could not leave Roger’s side, so I asked her to walk the dogs. After that, Roger wanted to be with the sitter, was sitting up and happy, had some jello, and was excited about the tooth fairy. He handled the whole situation so well. I am so proud of him.

My back, on the other hand, did not handle that carry very well. I was in excruciating pain on Friday. I hoped to do something easy with Roger, like go to the movies, but my back wanted me to remain home. Seeing him almost fall asleep during a couple of errands made me realize he, too, still needed the rest.

Yesterday and today, my back still aches and I have realized that I cannot wait the two weeks to see the back doctor before getting some muscle relaxers or a good anti-inflammatory. Tomorrow, I will call pain management physician and see if she has an earlier appointment. Tuesday I start physical therapy and hope that will help but, from what I recall, that takes time too.

Here’s hoping week 6 ends up less painful!