Hungry

I am so hungry all the time lately.  I wonder what the culprit could be.  I am exercising to help reduce stress and be healthier.  I am blogging to help with the same issues.  The one aspect of my life that is really troubling is my lack of sleep.  I keep wondering if that is why I am so hungry.

I do not want to take sleep medication but wonder what I could do differently to sleep more.  First off, I sleep in Roger’s bed and that is not going to change anytime soon.  I try to go to sleep without too much on my mind but sometimes, like last night, I kept replaying some items from the day.  I read all the tips on what to avoid and what to do to sleep better.  I am not sure if having the fitbit tell me how little sleep I am getting is causing me to sleep less and/or to feel more tired.

Today I meet with my nutritionist and will discuss hunger/sleep/mood cycle and all that good stuff.  I really am thinking the root of most of my mood issues, food issues, back issues stem from lack of sleep and the inability for my body to restore itself due to that.

Anyhow I just finished breakfast/lunch and would love another cup of coffee.  I shall resist the urge and trudge along.

Tuesday

Today was another productive morning:  loaded the dishwasher, did another load of laundry, took out the garbage and recycling, got the pups ready for their grooming (which my husband took them to on his way to work), cleaned up a kitty mess from being stuck in the laundry room overnight, got Roger ready for camp and did Headsprout with him before he left.

Again, I was able to ride the FitDesk for a little over an hour while I worked.  This morning I was incredibly hot — probably hot flashes — and I decided to take a quick shower afterwards.  That helped me immensely.  I also switched to wearing a very light summer dress.  I feel so much better now.

Routine excites me more than anything out of the ordinary!

Quick update:  my back gave it’s notice for the rest of day.  It is hurting so bad.  Should be fun lugging stuff to the pool….

Week 4 of Summer

Oh how I love Mondays!  That is not sarcasm.  I really do love the feel of Mondays.  I get to start a new week and get everything organized!

Before work, I was able to put away the dishes, refill the dishwasher, do some laundry and do Roger’s “homework” with him.  Also, thanks to my Roomba, I was able to get the downstairs vacuumed while I worked.

On a healthy note, I rode my FitDesk for 63 minutes.  Hooray!  And today’s food intake has been healthy (so far).  Unfortunately, my arms are (have been) hurting.  I am certain it is caused by pinched nerves due to my herniated discs.  I am looking forward to my orthopedic doctor’s appointment on Friday.  I am sure x-rays/MRI will be ordered.  I read this weekend that Yoga is as effective as physical therapy in regard to back issues.  I will bring that up with my doctor.  (Article) My fear is ending up with a back like my mother, so I have to nip it in the bud…for the umpteenth time.  However, this time I am dedicated to continuing the plan even when I am feeling fine.  And, to try to reverse my eating habits after some stressful weeks and an indulgent weekend, I am seeing my nutritionist on Thursday.

Let’s make 44 a healthy, happy year!

Good Morning, 44

Yesterday I was in such a foul mood all day that I had mentally prepared to write this blog about my 43rd year.  I will still write the intended post but I am not in quite the same sour mood I was when contemplating it.

I kept questioning why I was so depressed yesterday.  Was 44th the hard birthday for me?  People had said 40 would be hard but was not for me.  I was looking forward to my 40’s.  Why was turning 44 so depressing?  Then the realization was that last year was a hard year for me.

Physically, I had (have) issues with my back and had some other instances that I had to go to the doctor and, in one instance, the ER.  Hormonally, this year was utter chaos.  My testosterone levels went from non-existent to way too much and the physical ramifications of that are still rearing it’s ugly head:  body acne and body hair growth.  These were two issues I have never had in the past 43 years.  I had inquired at the OB/GYN how long I should remain on hormones (read 5 years).  They pretty much told me I could remain on them forever.  When I told my internist, she adamantly said 5 years maximum.  Since we decided to stop the pellet for 6 months due to the side effects, that means I shall remain hormone-free due to my 5 year anniversary of my hysterectomy is 2018.  Mentally/emotionally the testosterone made me more edgy and still is as I have to wait for all the excess testosterone to exit my system.  Besides the Biote hormone pellet, my 43rd year was full of medications for depression/bipolar/anxiety and allergies, as well as supplements.  I, with the help of my therapist, nutritionist and internist, have decided to wean off the majority of the medications.  Currently, my roster is fluoxetine, Zyrtec, multivitamin, probiotic, and vitamin D3.  I have cut out about 10 medications/supplements.

My 43rd year had been a year that I have dealt with being my most unhealthy self.  I have made small steps to try rectifying it but not consistently so.  In addition, 43 was a year of added stress:  Roger entering public school, my mother’s surgery, a short stint of returning to grad school, the passing of Snuffles, other family issues, etc.  Don’t get me wrong, there have been positives (mainly on the Roger front in regards to progress/growth).  However, I do not think I have allowed myself time for grief and that is why a low mood has persisted.  Is it too late to grieve?  How can one force oneself to grieve appropriately?  Does one just move past it and say hello to the new day/the new year and push through? So many thoughts as I enter year 44…

Week 3 of Summer

The week tends to begin on a great note.  Monday goes as scheduled.  However, life is unpredictable, so the rest of the week may not go as smoothly.  Just as last week, this week I am hopeful.  Perhaps, I am even more hopeful due to the fact that Roger LOVED camp last week.  Tomorrow, he begins a different camp that he will be going to for two weeks (6 half days) in June and two weeks in July.  This camp we can walk to which makes drop off and pick up so easy!

Friday, I turn 44.  I had so many high hopes for my wellness by this time in the year.  I have not been consistent in exercise or healthy eating.  My back issues have also resurfaced, so I have an appointment the end of the month.  I am really at a loss about how to make wellness part of my routine.  I subscribe to emails for inspiration, use apps inconsistently, and just cannot put the drive back into me.  Summer’s chaotic schedule does not help, since my sitter and my son’s therapy/camp time is used exclusively for my work schedule.  In between therapies, work, and play dates/swimming, there is virtually no free time until roughly 8 pm at night and I am zonked by then.  I don’t want to wait 2.5 months to have a routine.  This has all dampened my mood, as well.  My anxiety and depression have been surfacing a lot lately this summer.  I read that blogging can help with anxiety, so I hope to write more this week.

If you are in the same boat (or have been in the past), let me know what worked for you to snap out of it and into a successful wellness routine.

 

It’s been a week.

Well, I haven’t posted in a week.  The weekend did not go smoothly and it was very tumultuous, unfortunately.  However, I will not disclose information of such personal, family matters.  I will just state that things are back on track, all is well, and I have an amazing husband and a caring father.

Monday, I remained in bit of a funk.  I was completely wiped out emotionally and mentally, so I skipped exercise and just made it through the working day.  I had issues with getting onto the Remote Desktop at work on Saturday, so I had an additional workload for Monday night.  The problem ensued Monday night and I had to use my iPhone as a hotspot to finish my procedures.  Prior to that, it was a couple of hours trying to connect and contacting Spectrum.  It was very stressful, to say the least.  Fortunately, by Tuesday morning, the internet and phone were working again and (knock on wood) have been continually working.

I was able to get in some exercise on my FitDesk on Tuesday and went to an intermediate yoga class yesterday.  Oh boy, that kicked my butt (or my legs and back, to be exact).  All of my strength was used on that workout.  Yesterday, I tried the no caffeine again, as well as eating only non-reactive foods.  I was completely depleted by 2 pm and asleep at 7:30.  Unfortunately, I only got 7 hours of sleep, because my sleep is always restless since having Roger.

This morning I woke up sore and determined to change up what would be a very restrictive LEAP diet.  I contacted the nutritionist with an outline of what I plan to modify.  She said it was a great idea and that I will probably last longer on the “diet/lifestyle” due to the modifications.   First summer life with a 6 year old boy who happens to have autism and working full-time will be hard enough without having insane food restrictions.  The first modification:  COFFEE.  I had a cup and was actually able to vacuum.  Yesterday, I was lump on the sofa.

On a different note, tonight I get to see one band that I have been aching to see for the past 28 years:  The Damned.  Both times I previously set out to see them, there was an issue.  This is their 40th Anniversary tour and I thought, yet again, the plan was going to be foiled when Captain Sensible fell off the stage and broke his rib(s).  And, then, once it was still a go-ahead, our sitter double-booked for tonight.  Fortunately, I met with other sitters and we have that covered.  Now, the weather calls for hail, so there’s always something!

One more tidbit of good news:  in the past two months, I have lost 7.2 pounds.  If I just lose 3 pounds a month, I will be at my goal weight by next March.  No pressure – just taking it one step at a time.

So depressed.

Yesterday afternoon and this morning, my sore throat got even more sore.  My allergies have been attacking me from every direction.  Today, I feel like I’ve been run over by a bus a half dozen times.  I am so depressed that I have not felt well in so long.  However, today may be one of the worst days.  My nutritionist advised me to stop coffee (I’ve been on one cup a day) in preparation for next week’s change to the LEAP diet.  I told Rob, so he only made himself a cup.  Needless to say, to make it through my working day feeling like crap, I had to make myself one cup of coffee.

Now to boast about some accomplishments this week:  two yoga classes and one day on the FitDesk.  I planned on riding today as well, but the walk to and from Roger’s school with the doggies was too much for me.  I also created some tentative work/sitter schedules through the end of July.  Things may come up (they always do), but I feel ready for the summer now.  I must schedule some fun pool and CAC time with Roger.  I want him to enjoy his first summer out of school.

Here’s hoping I feel better to have some fun with the family this Mother’s Day weekend and I get out of this emotional funk created by this physical setback!