Author: leahbisrael

Licensed Menopause Champion and MenoChef and getting certified as a Women’s Coach Specialist. No Coast Menopause Coach will be open for clients and presentations beginning October 1st, 2023 both in-person and remotely. My journey of surgical menopause created a desire to learn more and help others. I am also a proud autism mom diagnosed with autism herself. In addition, I am experienced Knowledge Management Specialist who is able to multi-task and meet deadlines. Self motivated, detail oriented with strong verbal communication skills. Highly organized and skilled in all aspects of Microsoft Word. I have excellent follow through ability which makes me an asset. Skilled in the use of a wide range of legal software programs such as Microsoft PowerPoint, Excel, PowerPoint, Outlook & Internet Explorer.

Week 4 of Summer

Oh how I love Mondays!  That is not sarcasm.  I really do love the feel of Mondays.  I get to start a new week and get everything organized!

Before work, I was able to put away the dishes, refill the dishwasher, do some laundry and do Roger’s “homework” with him.  Also, thanks to my Roomba, I was able to get the downstairs vacuumed while I worked.

On a healthy note, I rode my FitDesk for 63 minutes.  Hooray!  And today’s food intake has been healthy (so far).  Unfortunately, my arms are (have been) hurting.  I am certain it is caused by pinched nerves due to my herniated discs.  I am looking forward to my orthopedic doctor’s appointment on Friday.  I am sure x-rays/MRI will be ordered.  I read this weekend that Yoga is as effective as physical therapy in regard to back issues.  I will bring that up with my doctor.  (Article) My fear is ending up with a back like my mother, so I have to nip it in the bud…for the umpteenth time.  However, this time I am dedicated to continuing the plan even when I am feeling fine.  And, to try to reverse my eating habits after some stressful weeks and an indulgent weekend, I am seeing my nutritionist on Thursday.

Let’s make 44 a healthy, happy year!

Good Morning, 44

Yesterday I was in such a foul mood all day that I had mentally prepared to write this blog about my 43rd year.  I will still write the intended post but I am not in quite the same sour mood I was when contemplating it.

I kept questioning why I was so depressed yesterday.  Was 44th the hard birthday for me?  People had said 40 would be hard but was not for me.  I was looking forward to my 40’s.  Why was turning 44 so depressing?  Then the realization was that last year was a hard year for me.

Physically, I had (have) issues with my back and had some other instances that I had to go to the doctor and, in one instance, the ER.  Hormonally, this year was utter chaos.  My testosterone levels went from non-existent to way too much and the physical ramifications of that are still rearing it’s ugly head:  body acne and body hair growth.  These were two issues I have never had in the past 43 years.  I had inquired at the OB/GYN how long I should remain on hormones (read 5 years).  They pretty much told me I could remain on them forever.  When I told my internist, she adamantly said 5 years maximum.  Since we decided to stop the pellet for 6 months due to the side effects, that means I shall remain hormone-free due to my 5 year anniversary of my hysterectomy is 2018.  Mentally/emotionally the testosterone made me more edgy and still is as I have to wait for all the excess testosterone to exit my system.  Besides the Biote hormone pellet, my 43rd year was full of medications for depression/bipolar/anxiety and allergies, as well as supplements.  I, with the help of my therapist, nutritionist and internist, have decided to wean off the majority of the medications.  Currently, my roster is fluoxetine, Zyrtec, multivitamin, probiotic, and vitamin D3.  I have cut out about 10 medications/supplements.

My 43rd year had been a year that I have dealt with being my most unhealthy self.  I have made small steps to try rectifying it but not consistently so.  In addition, 43 was a year of added stress:  Roger entering public school, my mother’s surgery, a short stint of returning to grad school, the passing of Snuffles, other family issues, etc.  Don’t get me wrong, there have been positives (mainly on the Roger front in regards to progress/growth).  However, I do not think I have allowed myself time for grief and that is why a low mood has persisted.  Is it too late to grieve?  How can one force oneself to grieve appropriately?  Does one just move past it and say hello to the new day/the new year and push through? So many thoughts as I enter year 44…

Cranky in the a.m.

I truly woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.  I am not sure if it was last night’s sleep (or lack thereof), the eve of my 44th birthday, overall impatience with summer and lack of alone time.  Whatever the cause, I was not a very happy camper this morning and was not very nice to my husband and son.  Of course, having my time alone and my morning “bike ride”, I feel much more settled and calm.

I wish I was better at coping and not so outwardly cranky.  Roger gets ABA (Applied Behavioral Analysis) to teach him how to deal with situations better and act appropriately.  Clearly, I could use some ABA too!

 

Mid-week, week 3

It’s officially mid-week of Week 3 of Summer.  I am feeling pretty at ease this late morning.  This week I have finished Season 3 of Kimmy Schmidt and am finishing up on the amazing Season 2 of Catastrophe.  I love this show so much that I enjoyed watching this season for a second time.  Watching a show like Catastrophe makes me feel like myself.  I don’t get to explore life like I did pre-Roger in the city, but this gives me a dose of happiness.  It’s definitely not a show for everyone, but a perfect fit for me.

With Roger at a camp so nearby, I get to walk him and the dogs to and from camp.  I enjoy that little bit of outdoors, even though it’s already hot and humid at 9 in the morning.  That is making my mood a bit cheerier, as well as riding the exercise bike the past 3 days.

If I think about it, what is really making my mood stable is routine.  I LOVE routine and consistency.  The lack of spontaneity may make me seem a bit boring and I always wished I could be more spontaneous but this is my happy place.

Week 3 of Summer

The week tends to begin on a great note.  Monday goes as scheduled.  However, life is unpredictable, so the rest of the week may not go as smoothly.  Just as last week, this week I am hopeful.  Perhaps, I am even more hopeful due to the fact that Roger LOVED camp last week.  Tomorrow, he begins a different camp that he will be going to for two weeks (6 half days) in June and two weeks in July.  This camp we can walk to which makes drop off and pick up so easy!

Friday, I turn 44.  I had so many high hopes for my wellness by this time in the year.  I have not been consistent in exercise or healthy eating.  My back issues have also resurfaced, so I have an appointment the end of the month.  I am really at a loss about how to make wellness part of my routine.  I subscribe to emails for inspiration, use apps inconsistently, and just cannot put the drive back into me.  Summer’s chaotic schedule does not help, since my sitter and my son’s therapy/camp time is used exclusively for my work schedule.  In between therapies, work, and play dates/swimming, there is virtually no free time until roughly 8 pm at night and I am zonked by then.  I don’t want to wait 2.5 months to have a routine.  This has all dampened my mood, as well.  My anxiety and depression have been surfacing a lot lately this summer.  I read that blogging can help with anxiety, so I hope to write more this week.

If you are in the same boat (or have been in the past), let me know what worked for you to snap out of it and into a successful wellness routine.

 

Week 2 of Summer

I would like to start this post by thanking those family members and friends that have reached out in concern of my mother and myself.  It is so very sweet that we are in your thoughts and that you have reached out.  Again, thank you all very much!

Week 2 of Summer begins a little easier than last week.  Perhaps, it is due to my mindset.  Last night, although up late, I was able to finally spend some alone time with my husband and watch the first few episodes of this season’s Orange is the New Black.  If it hadn’t been midnight, I would have stayed up longer.  This season is just so good!  That, and last week’s Comey testimony, let me escape myself and focus on life outside of our bubble.

With my mind a little de-stressed, I am happy to announce that, although still in excruciating pain, my mother is finally reaping the benefits of in-home physical therapy and able to move about the apartment with either the use of a wheelchair or walker.  That, of course, also puts my mind a tad at ease and am happy her follow-up appointment is Wednesday where her pain medications should be sorted out and aide in her recovery.

On the home front, today’s maintenance was having our dryer vent cleaned.  The roof inspector said it was a hazard and needed to be done soon.  The tech who came out said there was a lot of lint but has seen much, much worse.  I asked him a timeline of when we should have it done again (websites all claim yearly).  He said with a family of 3 and pets, he recommends every 8-10 years!  This type of honesty makes me smile ear to ear.

Finally, tomorrow Roger begins the first of his part-time summer camps.  This one is Wacky Olympics at Yogi Kids.  The past couple of days he has told me how much he is going to miss me and how he is nervous about going to camp.  Believe me Roger, I am too!

Can anything be easy?

Today was a perfect example of most days — things scheduled on top of things scheduled on top of things.   One of these items was for roof inspection.  Of course, they gave me a window of 1 pm to 5 pm.  I had a conference call for work at 2:30 pm and jokingly said they’d arrive at the same time.  Well, I was wrong, they actually showed up around halfway through my call.  Luckily, I did not have to engage the inspectors –just having to point out the entrances to the attic.  As the call was wrapping up, they told me the awesome news that our roof failed inspection.  The foam material surrounding the vents is combustible.  Also, not inspection related, they said our dryer vent is overflowing and that is the number one case of fires.

More has been added to the plate and nothing from the plate has been removed.  I guess it is nice to get things sorted out correctly.  However, couldn’t that have been done the first time around?

As I read through this, all I hear is whine, whine, whine.  At least that is consistent with my current mood!  Hoping the next blog will be more full of glee.

Too much

The past few weeks have been extremely busy, exhausting, and stressful.  The first item I must remember for years to come is the increase of school events in the month of May.  It is like a month-long, non-stop field trip.  There were so many activities I had to rearrange my work schedule and neglect the house and doggies.

The biggest hiccup for May was my mom’s surgery and lack of care, thereafter.  The surgery was done on May 23rd and the care she received in the hospital was very good.  However, they released her to a skilled nursing facility two days after surgery.  We were hoping she would receive more physical therapy.  All she received was neglect.  Daily, I would arrive around 9 in the morning to have found the remnants of the neglect from the night before or from earlier that morning.  You walk into the facility hearing the unanswered beeps from various rooms and the ignored patients screaming for help.  I made so many phone calls to so many different people who work for that facility, as well as the hospital that released her and other care options.  We received apologies but each morning I would encounter the same scenario.  Sunday, May 28th, we took my mom from the facility to the ER to check up on her since she had fallen numerous times at the skilled nursing center with nobody following up on her well-being.  After many, many hours at the ER, she was discharged to go home.  The ER doctor described the neglect her own mother faced in a NY facility and how she decided to remove her as well.  What a sad scenario for those patients who do not have family able to constantly look out for them!

My mom still has quite a way to go before she is, literally, back on her feet.  However, having her back at home versus the center eases all of our minds.  I had been trying to visit her daily while Roger had school.  School ended on June 1st and, unfortunately, Roger got sick the second day of summer break and I have not been able to spend much time with my mother.  He is still recuperating (not contagious) but do not want to have him around my weakened mother, since she could be more susceptible.

Yesterday, my husband took Roger to the movies and I had a few hours alone at home.  The last day I had alone at home was May 22nd.  For someone who works at home, that is an eternity.  Although I mainly did chores around the house, it restored my mental health.  I feel like I can now conquer this week – the first full week of summer break.

 

 

It’s been a week.

Well, I haven’t posted in a week.  The weekend did not go smoothly and it was very tumultuous, unfortunately.  However, I will not disclose information of such personal, family matters.  I will just state that things are back on track, all is well, and I have an amazing husband and a caring father.

Monday, I remained in bit of a funk.  I was completely wiped out emotionally and mentally, so I skipped exercise and just made it through the working day.  I had issues with getting onto the Remote Desktop at work on Saturday, so I had an additional workload for Monday night.  The problem ensued Monday night and I had to use my iPhone as a hotspot to finish my procedures.  Prior to that, it was a couple of hours trying to connect and contacting Spectrum.  It was very stressful, to say the least.  Fortunately, by Tuesday morning, the internet and phone were working again and (knock on wood) have been continually working.

I was able to get in some exercise on my FitDesk on Tuesday and went to an intermediate yoga class yesterday.  Oh boy, that kicked my butt (or my legs and back, to be exact).  All of my strength was used on that workout.  Yesterday, I tried the no caffeine again, as well as eating only non-reactive foods.  I was completely depleted by 2 pm and asleep at 7:30.  Unfortunately, I only got 7 hours of sleep, because my sleep is always restless since having Roger.

This morning I woke up sore and determined to change up what would be a very restrictive LEAP diet.  I contacted the nutritionist with an outline of what I plan to modify.  She said it was a great idea and that I will probably last longer on the “diet/lifestyle” due to the modifications.   First summer life with a 6 year old boy who happens to have autism and working full-time will be hard enough without having insane food restrictions.  The first modification:  COFFEE.  I had a cup and was actually able to vacuum.  Yesterday, I was lump on the sofa.

On a different note, tonight I get to see one band that I have been aching to see for the past 28 years:  The Damned.  Both times I previously set out to see them, there was an issue.  This is their 40th Anniversary tour and I thought, yet again, the plan was going to be foiled when Captain Sensible fell off the stage and broke his rib(s).  And, then, once it was still a go-ahead, our sitter double-booked for tonight.  Fortunately, I met with other sitters and we have that covered.  Now, the weather calls for hail, so there’s always something!

One more tidbit of good news:  in the past two months, I have lost 7.2 pounds.  If I just lose 3 pounds a month, I will be at my goal weight by next March.  No pressure – just taking it one step at a time.

So depressed.

Yesterday afternoon and this morning, my sore throat got even more sore.  My allergies have been attacking me from every direction.  Today, I feel like I’ve been run over by a bus a half dozen times.  I am so depressed that I have not felt well in so long.  However, today may be one of the worst days.  My nutritionist advised me to stop coffee (I’ve been on one cup a day) in preparation for next week’s change to the LEAP diet.  I told Rob, so he only made himself a cup.  Needless to say, to make it through my working day feeling like crap, I had to make myself one cup of coffee.

Now to boast about some accomplishments this week:  two yoga classes and one day on the FitDesk.  I planned on riding today as well, but the walk to and from Roger’s school with the doggies was too much for me.  I also created some tentative work/sitter schedules through the end of July.  Things may come up (they always do), but I feel ready for the summer now.  I must schedule some fun pool and CAC time with Roger.  I want him to enjoy his first summer out of school.

Here’s hoping I feel better to have some fun with the family this Mother’s Day weekend and I get out of this emotional funk created by this physical setback!

Building a routine

It may not be the ideal time to build a routine, being that schools lets out in a few weeks and that may throw a wrench in my routine.  I went to Monday’s yoga class and it was a great class.  It was mainly a stretching class which helped my back immensely.  Wednesday’s class is more advanced, but I plan on doing as much as I can.  There is always child’s pose when it gets too tough for me.  That begins my routine:  Monday and Wednesday will be yoga days.  Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday, I will use my FitDesk.  Saturday will be my rest day and Sundays I may check out the Yin & Sit yoga class.  This Sunday is Mother’s Day and I signed up for Yoga Nidra which, according to the website, is the practice of conscious yogic sleep, a meditative and restorative experience that allows you to transcend physical and mental barriers so that you may place intentions – or sankalpa – at the innermost level of your being.   The yogic sleep part sounds good to me!

I’ve also been sticking to the one cup of coffee per day til the first day of my LEAP lifestyle change.  This is going to be my hardest habit to break.  I’ve realized how much coffee has suppressed my appetite in the morning.  I’m hungry at 9 instead of 11 or 12, which I am not used to.  Also, my depleted energy no longer gets a caffeine boost.  Hopefully, a few weeks into the dietary changes, I will have energy once again.  Although knowing it will be a bit overwhelming, I am very much looking forward to the change.  I will need to write a food log, as well as note any bodily reaction to the foods I am allowed.  I am used to logging on a notepad, but considering putting them on my blog.  I was reading another blog that has been following a person on a LEAP diet and she said she does not have the ability to log daily, so I will be aware of that challenge.

In the meantime, I’ve typed up my next three work schedules which lead up to summer but will need to figure out past that.  I should also start planning meals for the time leading up to summer.  Hmmm…maybe tomorrow.

Busy, busy week

Besides my job, this week has been a busy and exhausting week.  As a recap, I went to yoga for the first time in a bajillion years on Monday.  It was so hard — I am so out of shape.  I also had to deal with insurance (re:  my son’s ABA therapy), gather garbage, do some wash, change the kitty litter, and wait for the roof to get replaced.  It was just stressful trying to do a lot in a little time.  Boy, was I in a pissy mood.  Tuesday, I felt utterly crappy and I had my allergist appointment that led to 4 new medications that have not aided in making me feel better but just cruddier.  Wednesday was my son’s ARD for 1st grade.  Already nervous about what services could potentially be cut, I was still feeling utterly horrible physically.  Thankfully, not much was cut.  We were, overall, in agreement.  The shortness of the ARD (the last one took 2 days) gave me time to rest, which I NEVER get to do.  Thursday, a friend drove me to our sons’ first Field Trip in kindergarten.  They went to the Fort Worth Museum of Science and Nature.  Can I tell you how exhausting a field trip can be?  My mother noted it may exhaust me more since I am older than a lot of the moms — thanks!  Today, I got to have a nice “normal” workday at home.  Unfortunately, the roof work started today, which means I got to hear hammering since 8:30 this morning.

I did make a few decisions today despite the noisiness.  I decided to end my chiropractic care.  I went through the suggested 15 session schedule and have seen no improvement.  I am definitely going to have to take a different course of action when it comes to my back.  The only time chiropractic care helped was in NYC when I went to an integrative practice.  They would not even adjust me for the first few weeks — just do stem and hot/cold therapy.  After adding adjustments, physical therapy was slowly started.  Finally, 30 minute back massages were added.  It worked like a charm and was a fantastic approach.  I may try to find a similar practice here.

My other decision was to stop taking 3 of the 4 medications the allergist prescribed.  I’ve decided to finish the course of antibiotics but stop the rest.  Nothing has changed in my overall being and definitely not the areas they were targeting — cough, labored breathing.  I emailed the office and they said to follow-up Monday if there was no change with being on the antibiotic.

Next week, I am hoping to conquer yoga 2 days.  I know, crazy.  I will definitely go Monday and let you know if I survive.

Queen of Allergies

I went to the allergist to talk about how my allergies have gotten worse and the shots do not seem to be helping anymore.  Unfortunately, I get the highest dosage possible and I get an epi-rinse since I get a bad reaction from them.  When the doctor came in, she referred to me as “the Queen of Allergies”.  Below is a list of my allergy test results.  Anything with a fraction, I am allergic to (they did not test food).  She is gung-ho, YAY, allergy shots, so she does not want me to discontinue.  Instead, she wants me to take a bunch of meds to try and feel meh, instead of hellish.  She thinks it’s a combo of untreated sinus infection, allergies, asthma, and acid reflux.  I go back in two weeks.  Above my allergy list is my treatment list.IMG_3688

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“Mommy, you’re sick a lot”

I woke up this morning with terrible allergies (surprise, surprise).  I told my husband that I probably will not accomplish much around the house and only have energy for my work.  My son retorted, “mommy, you’re sick a lot”.  I told him that I have really bad allergies that have been making me very sick.  In actuality, I have a compromised immune system due to my allergies, stress, lack of sleep, etc.  Hearing that from my son took me a bit aback.  He usually does not pay too much attention to how others are feeling.  He is only 6 and usually life revolves around yourself at that age.  Double that with his autism, he usually will just keep asking for me to do things and take him places once I say I am sick.  He probably still will afterschool.  However, he does know he has to accompany me to the allergy doctor.  Maybe he will listen a bit to what she tells me, but I bet he will just be focused on the iPad!

I was hoping to feel better today.  I did yoga for the first time in a long time yesterday.  What was a simple, beginner’s class really tested me (and my allergies).  I also rode the bike for an hour yesterday.  Today, I planned to ride the bike but woke up with terrible wheezing from the allergies.  I did conquer work and was able to do a few laundry chores during my lunch.  My lunch has consisted of leftover matzo.  My stomach feels terrible, as well.  I figured crackers would be the best bet.  Tomorrow is my son’s ARD.  I am sure the stress of that is not helping today.

 

Blargh

My days have been blargh to horrible.  This is due entirely to my damn allergies.  I go to bed feeling meh, wake up in the middle of the night to an allergy attack, wake in the morning to my nose still running, and the day continues that way.  Last night, I finally took a Benadryl thinking that would end the post-midnight allergy attack.  NOPE.  I felt the same as each previous night.

I was not going to let that interfere with my day, however.  After I walked Roger to school with the doggies, I started work while riding the bike on my FitDesk.  I could only do 15 minutes before feeling completely ill.  My breathing has been compromised, my tummy feels totally terrible, my head hurts, and my back aches so badly.  Poor me.  I hate to complain so much because I know it could always be worse. (Case in point, yesterday, I looked up the boy in the bubble because I want to hermetically seal myself off from the world, but then felt terrible about making the comparison).

So today, as everyday, I am doing the most I can — working, doing a few household chores, and counting the hours til bedtime!

Not maintaining under maintenance

Today, I had two doctor’s appointments:  the nutritionist followed by the chiropractor.  I will start with the easier of the two — the chiropractor.  When I began going to this practitioner, he set up a 15-visit schedule that would culminate with a maintenance schedule.  Today would begin the talk of maintenance.  However, Monday my back was in really bad shape.  I hurt going through my normal daily routine.  Today my back was still quite stiff.  Clearly, I do not want to “maintain” this level!

The nutritionist appointment was very thorough and a lot to wrap my head around.  We talked about my LEAP results, my current medication, and my feelings about the process.  Due to weaning off of gabapentin, she thinks I should start once that is clear from my system.  My last day of taking gabapentin will be next Wednesday night.  I have a field trip to attend with my son on Thursday, so I will delve into it next Friday or the following Monday (at the latest).  This also gives me time to wean off of coffee/caffeine.  That shall be the most difficult part:  reactive to caffeine, coffee and tea.

During the appointment, we discussed allergy shots.  Her son has been on shots about a year longer than I.  We are both on a maintenance schedule.  I have been having almost nightly (very early morning) allergy attacks and I, overall, feel flu-like.  I am considering discontinuing the shots.  They have to add epinephrine to each shot so my reaction isn’t as extreme as it was in the past.  I still swell and itch, though.  I guess a visit to my allergy doctor to discuss should be in my near future.

Am I doomed not to maintain under maintenance?

The results are in.

My LEAP blood results as well as the battery of blood tests my PCP/Internist gave me are in.  I will start with my regular bloodwork.  Basically, there were two areas that I have high scores in (YAY!).  One was EOS which I googled and found means the following: Eosinophilia (e-o-sin-o-FILL-e-uh) is a higher than normal level of eosinophils. Eosinophils are a type of disease-fighting white blood cell. This condition most often indicates a parasitic infection, an allergic reaction or cancer.  I will gather that it has to do with my allergic reactions to life, in general.  The nurse did not discuss, but I gather my marks weren’t high enough to investigate further.  The second is my testosterone level from hormone replacement therapy.  Normal range is 8-48 and my level is 217.  Well, that explains a lot — the body acne, the hair, the wonderful, quick-to-anger mood, the constant hunger and weight gain, the overall GROSSNESS.  Unfortunately, all I can do is wait for the testosterone to leave my body which can take 3-6 months.  I will be doing follow-up bloodwork in 2 months.

The LEAP results are a little more complex and I formally get to discuss with my nutritionist tomorrow.  I am reactive to almost all foods and, GASP, caffeine!  It shall be a big lifestyle change, but I need it.  My allergies will be the death of me, otherwise.  I am least reactive to: peach, cranberry, mushroom, spinach, white potato, millet, cocoa, vanilla, mint, carob, pecan, peanut, pinto beans, and potassium nitrate.  That should make for an interesting meal plan.  I am most reactive to: barley, caffeine, cashew, celery, codfish, corn, cow’s milk, goat’s milk, grape, green pea, msg, paprika, parsley, rice, saccharine, sesame, sodium sulfite, sorbic acid, strawberry, tapioca, tea, tilapia, tomato, walnut, and yellow squash.  We have to slowly add members of the above family of food to see if I am reactive to them as well.  The test, obviously, does not cover every food in existence.  I am most sad about caffeine and tea.  I don’t think I can totally drop coffee all together, but definitely need to wean the amount I currently intake.

I am looking forward to tomorrow’s discussion and will keep you posted.

 

Baby Steps

Such big plans I had with my “45 for 45”.  I do still plan to work on health improvement but taking a slightly different approach.  The past month I have been reassessing my health and allergies.  I am allergic to most everything environmental (barring some strains of mold, horse dander, and roaches).  If I am allergic to trees, grass, etc., I must have food sensitivity.  I have met twice with a nutritionist.  The first time was to set simple goals for stress relief, adding vegetables/fiber to current diet, replacing afternoon coffee with tea, and taking Epsom salt baths.  The second meeting was to discuss my horrific allergies.  I take two types of allergy medicine and have been on 3 maintenance allergy shots for about 2 years now.  They are not making a dent.  I figure I must be adding to my misery by eating certain foods.  Although reading pro and con articles on the subject, I decided to have LEAP bloodwork.  My allergist’s office also gives the test, which is not covered by insurance, for double the cost and ONE follow-up appointment.  The nutritionist says it takes much more than one follow-up since, in addition to the bloodwork, we will be testing other foods by adding them slowly back into my diet.  I hope to have my results back by the beginning of May.  I can just picture EVERYTHING in the red category (meaning highly reactive).

Yesterday, I made an appointment with my primary care physician/internist to discuss my medication list and the side effects I am having.  In other words, I made the appointment because I feel gross.  I am on hormones due to my oophorectomy/hysterectomy.  The testosterone has given me terrible body acne and body hair growth.  Neither of which I have ever had to deal with in my 43 years.  I am also very inpatient and quick to anger.  Well, those I have had to deal with in my 43 years.  My other medications all tend to have the side effect of fatigue and insomnia.  I get roughly 4-5 hours of sleep per night and am dragging all day.  That does not give me much motivation, focus, or acuity.  We have decided to reduce my supplements to only a handful (Multi-vitamin, Calcium, D3, B12 shots, and probiotic), replace Zyrtec with Xyzal, and taper off Gabapentin.  I may also decide to taper off  Singulair, Fluoxetine and Simvastatin.

Lastly, I bought a FitDesk for downstairs.  With the new puppies, I can no longer ride the bike upstairs without doggies under my feet.  In the living room, they will stay on the couch while I ride and work.  I received the bike on Tuesday, built it with the help of my husband Tuesday night, and have ridden it Wednesday, Thursday and Friday for 45-50 minutes each day.  I have hopes to, eventually, add other exercise to my routine, but baby steps!

Slow Brain

Ruminating over the past couple days (since I missed yesterday’s blog – my child was home sick from school).  Due to lack of sleep (a whopping 4 hours last night), it is really hard for me to remember two days ago!  Isn’t that ridiculous?

I do recall riding my stationary bike extra long so I could finish season 4 of Bates Motel on Netflix.  My legs were extra sore yesterday, which made me conclude that yesterday would be a rest day for me.

And now, as I try to form my thoughts into a cohesive sentence/paragraph/blog, I realize my lack of sleep is affecting that as well, which is making me conclude that today will be a “blog rest day” for me.

 

Recap of Day 2

Yesterday, I thought my lack of motivation was going to be certain doom to my 45 of 45.  I just did not want to get up from work and reading to move onto cleaning/organizing.  I felt tired and overwhelmed.  I decided to, finally, get my butt up and headed outside to clean leaves.  That is when the motivation kicked in.  I decided to clean up the back patio and make a plan for the weekend — family yard clean-up.  My son has already decided to forgo actual work but instead make mud piles to play in.  That is fine with me – just as long as my six year old is entertained enough to allow my husband and I to clean up.

I actually also made a lot of headway during my late afternoon/early evening work hours.  I was feeling pretty good but my energy finally zapped out around 6:30.  Work ended at 7 and it was time for the bath time/nighttime routine.  I angrily made my way through it but could not muster up the energy to actually make myself some dinner or even decide on what I wanted for my husband to pick up.  I had a crappy “dinner”.  The day ended in a sour mood.

The hours I need to really try to adjust myself are the after 5 pm hours.  For some reason, my energy, mood, patience, etc. are all drained and I turn into a not-so-nice person.  Unfortunately, I had another night of less than 5 hours sleep but am hoping my self-actualization of the post 5 pm hours may help me make some positive changes in my demeanor.

 

Recap of Day 1 (of my 45 for 45)

In theory, I started the eating a bit healthier and exercise at the beginning of the year.  I weighed myself today and am down a whopping 3.5 pounds in a little over 4 weeks.  So, I am losing the weight at a snail’s pace.  I know this has a lot to do with my meds, hysterectomy, being over 40, sleeping with my son which leads to roughly 3.5 -5.5 hours of sleep per night, etc.  However, I am hoping I will be more likely to keep it off if it is coming off slower than in the past.

I did incorporate cleaning and reading into yesterday’s schedule.  It was not straight cleaning but more organization.  I moved our guest bed back into my son’s room in order to sleep in the same room but in different beds.  Unfortunately, he cried hysterically at the thought of sleeping in his bed alone, so I went into his bed until he fell asleep.  Then, sometime in the middle of the night, he woke up and I got back into bed with him. I feel my way to wellness will not be fulfilled until I can sleep normally again.

Well, today is Day 2, and you may get an update tomorrow of today.  Or you may not.   Not adding more commitment to my life!  I’m too tired.

45 for 45…in 73 weeks

color-4007I would do 44 for 44 but it feels too rushed!  I am not sure I really need to lose 45 lbs but there are many components to 45 for 45.  I am going to try to be healthier by my 45th birthday.  I want to be my healthiest thus far.  So, it is not just weight loss but overall wellness.

45 lbs. (maybe – at least a solid 25)

45 minutes of reading a day (not browsing the internet)

45 minutes of exercise a day

45 minutes of house cleaning a day

That is my 45  for 45.

(Tomorrow is the weekend, so that is a deal-breaker for starting such a plan.  Like all life changes, it will begin on Monday.  I hope to post daily for accountability.)

 

 

 

First day of kindergarten

Many sleepless nights and many years of therapy have led to today…

There are so many racing thoughts that it’s hard for me to put them into words.  I am so proud of my kiddo for all of his hard work.  Today, we walked to school and he was full of happiness.  He did confess yesterday that he was a little bit scared.  It is such a big change.

I felt overwhelmed and in sensory overload entering the packed elementary school.  I cannot even imagine how he may have felt.  I was relieved when his friend from pre-K arrived in the classroom.  From the videos posted throughout the day, it seems like the two of them have been attached at the hip.

I hope sleep comes easier tonight and that all is good in public kinder.

Bumpy.

Thankfully, today I do not feel as FLAT as yesterday.  There are some bumps today.  This is odd because last night was my worst night’s sleep in weeks.

Do I function better with terrible sleep?  Is that my normal?  I was able to straighten up parts of the house and do some loads of laundry.  I was even able to paint my nails.  How much I’ve accomplished!

I am glad to have some of my glimmer back.  It’s been long overdue.

 

Flat.

My mood is flat.  My temperament is flat.  I am not my usual bubbly self.  Okay, so I may not normally be bubbly but compared to my current disposition…

My therapist said she has never seen me so “meh”.  She thinks that although fluoxetine was enough in the past, that post-hysterectomy me may need an additional medication.  She fears my blah may turn into full-out depression.  She suggests adding Wellbutrin/Buproprin.  I agree with her.

I left a voicemail with my physician.

End of post.  Flat.

Exhaustion

Exhaustion is today’s theme.

Yesterday, I fell asleep in bed with Roger around 8:30.  I struggled to get up and fall into my own bed.  Despite my husband’s attempt to wake me, I stayed asleep until Roger woke me this morning at 6:40.  I did have a little bit of tossing and turning during the night but not too much.  However, all I wanted to do this morning (and all day) was to go back to sleep.  I keep yawning and stretching and wishing I was back in bed.

This morning I had an appointment with my psychiatrist regarding my decision to take a break from all medications barring fluoxetine.  She acknowledged I can no longer take Lamictal and knew Abilify was not working for me.  She did warn, though, to keep my eye on any hypomanic episodes.  She clearly does not think fluoxetine alone will be enough.  I am just tired of overmedicating when side effects have been outweighing positive outcomes.  I have a follow-up appointment in 2 months.  Hopefully, I will be more on the mend by then not only mentally/emotionally but physically as well.

Now, I go back to dwelling on my utter exhaustion.  How many hours of functioning before I can go back to sleep?

Today

Today life seems overwhelming.

I do not, necessarily, have a long to-do list for today, per se.  It is my life’s to-do list which is overwhelming me.

Why do I start obsessing over tomorrow or next week or next month or next year?

Perhaps the steroids I am taking for my rash are not helping.  My heart is racing a bit and I am sure they have something to do with that.  Only three more days and, hopefully, they will start weaning from my body.

Short blog = too many thoughts (and not one to truly focus on).

 

Start and stop and start and…so on

Over the past few days, I have been trying to write a new blog post but unable to do so.  The thoughts get a bit jumbled.  It all sounds flat.  Today I hope to get at least a coherent thought out “on paper”.

As has been a topic of several old posts, my medications have had to change once again.  Sunday, I awoke with a full-body rash.  To put it lightly, it was a little disarming.  I called my psychiatrist (voicemail) and my physician (voicemail number 2).  As I was panicking and feeling itchier by the minute, I missed my doctor’s return call.  She told me to stop my lamotrigine and talk to my psychiatrist on Monday, take Benadryl, and go to urgent care for steroid shots if the rash was bad.  Due to the vastness of the rash, I decided to head to urgent care.

Once seen by the doctor, I was immediately diagnosed with a drug rash.  However, they could not be certain if the rash was caused by the lamotrigine (which has a severe warning for rashes) or the sulfa- antibiotic I was taking (also known for rashes).  Since I started both at similar times, they told me to end both, gave me a new antibiotic to start and told me, once again, to talk to both of my doctors the following morning.  I also got the parting gift of two steroid shots (one that would act immediately and one that was long acting).

In addition to stopping the lamotrigine, I decided to stop taking the Abilify  I was weaning off of when increasing the lamotrigine.  That leaves me taking 20 mg of fluoxetine daily.  While living in California, I was only taking the fluoxetine, exercising, eating healthy, and was in great spirits.

The move to Texas, the full-hysterectomy, and the stressors of life affected me greatly.  My therapist and I do not believe I require the strong prescriptions the psychiatrist has been suggesting and supports my decision to only take fluoxetine for the time being (while adding exercise and healthy habits).  I have had severe weight gain from all these psychiatric meds as well, which does not help one who suffers from depression.

I am ready to shed most of the meds with the help of my therapist, doctor, and support system.  I am also ready to shed some of this weight!

 

Focus back on me

It’s been about a week since my last post and it’s hard to blog after the hiatus.

To begin with, we went to Oklahoma City for the weekend.  Due to the incredibly high temps, we mainly visited museums: The Toy/Action Figure Museum, the Banjo Museum, the Osteology Museum, and the Oklahoma City National Monument and Museum.  I feel like a cloud of sadness has surrounded me since visiting.  There are too many emotions to put into words, so I will let that be.

On a lighter note, I returned with a bad thumb infection.  The infection and mega-antibiotics made me quite sick for a few days’ time.  Nothing seemed to matter except rest and getting Roger taken care of.  I even took time off of work, which is a rarity.  Yesterday, the doctor had to take “thumb matters” into her own hands (punster).  She got the infection out of my thumb and I am feeling much better today.  Yesterday, nausea followed the infection extraction.

Today, I have been trying to clear the clutter of work and my neglected house.  Clutter makes me unfocused and unhappy.  Perhaps today’s organization will shrink that cloud of sadness.