Author: leahbisrael

Licensed Menopause Champion and MenoChef and getting certified as a Women’s Coach Specialist. No Coast Menopause Coach will be open for clients and presentations beginning October 1st, 2023 both in-person and remotely. My journey of surgical menopause created a desire to learn more and help others. I am also a proud autism mom diagnosed with autism herself. In addition, I am experienced Knowledge Management Specialist who is able to multi-task and meet deadlines. Self motivated, detail oriented with strong verbal communication skills. Highly organized and skilled in all aspects of Microsoft Word. I have excellent follow through ability which makes me an asset. Skilled in the use of a wide range of legal software programs such as Microsoft PowerPoint, Excel, PowerPoint, Outlook & Internet Explorer.

Halloween

It’s Tuesday and it’s Halloween.  The day started pretty okay.  Roger had a mini freak-out over his shoes not being tied tight enough.  However, besides that, the day has been good thus far.  I spent my “lunch break” volunteering at the school’s book fair.  It was actually quite fun being a cashier and interacting with the kiddos.  I decided to volunteer again tomorrow during the time Roger’s class will be going to the book fair.

I have not been sticking to my calorie counting as strictly as I would like.  I even had a few pieced of Halloween candy this weekend.  However, I have been walking quite a bit more (roughly 12000-13000 steps a day).  I have decided to focus on me and try to be better with the food and the activity level.  I really need to start an exercise routine and that is the one aspect I am really having difficulty with.  I know I will feel better but just getting in gear is hard.   I’m not going to beat myself up too much for it.  I will keep walking more and eating better.  I will try to start additional exercise by the new year!

Anxiety

This week has been filled with lots of anxiety stemming from Roger.  He is anxious about time and being late, which I am certain comes from me.  He is also having meltdowns, again, about his shoes not being tight enough.  I thought we turned a corner with that, but, alas, it has returned. He also stresses over the contents of his backpack and the messiness of his hair.

When I discussed with his therapist how he’s been talking back a lot and testing boundaries, etc., she said it was a sign of stress.  The above symptoms clearly sound like he is under a great deal of stress.  If I ask him or his teacher about school, all seems okay.  Roger discloses very little about school, but has not wanted to stay home from school.  That is my indicator that all is well.  His teacher says he is great.  There are some fine motor issues but his temperament is fantastic.  I think since this is Red Ribbon Week and they have different dress up categories each day, he may deem that as stressful.  Anything out of the ordinary.  Next week is a “normal” week (barring Halloween, but they cannot wear costumes to school on Halloween), so we will see if his anxiety is lessened.

Roger’s anxiety puts us all on edge.  I feel like I’m walking on eggshells and do not want to cause an episode if there is a hiccup with the day’s plans.  It is very stressful.  This is how it was a couple of years back.  It is often heralded that autism is cyclical and there will be periods of regression for some behaviors and that seems to be the case.  Poor kiddo.  A seven year old should not have so much anxiety and stress.

Discouraging

Initially, I was going to make this blog a remainder of the week post.  However, today I am feeling quite cruddy and that’s just discouraging.  I have been eating healthy, exercising, and doing meditation.  Instead of energized, I feel like I’ve been hit by a bus.  I still have this same sinus infection/ear infection.  It has almost been a month.  The antibiotics do not help and, unfortunately, today I started wheezing a bit.  That means a third trip back to the doctor’s office next week is most likely.  I did tell Rob that if I still feel this terrible on Sunday that I am taking the day to rest/sleep.  Work and after school have been very busy and a tad stressful.  I have had very little down time this week.  I am sure that is not helping my recovery.

However, I will now list the positives of my week:  being a classroom helper on Tuesday, Roger advancing to the next level in swimming, starting a liberal local book club, a very good teacher conference on Thursday, coffee with some great ladies this morning, dinner and conversation with my parents on Wednesday, and lots of love and sweetness from my son and my husband.  Seeing that list makes my infection not seem so bad!

Weekend and the beginning of another week

Friday, a little bit after I posted my blog for the day, my husband got a phone call about his colonoscopy results.  The polyp they removed was pre-cancerous, but advanced.  The doctor seemed as shocked as we were and Rob now has to get a colonoscopy again in one year’s time.  I am happy he had an early screening due to some gastro issues.  I, too, have my second colonoscopy next year (due to having several pre-cancerous polyps) but I had three years between them.

Despite the news, we tried to make the most of the weekend:  Roger had ABA Saturday morning, followed by a play date at friend’s house, and a sitter so we could have a date night.  Sunday, we had breakfast out, followed by Six Flags.  We were all exhausted after that!  However, Roger got in my bed around midnight and I could not sleep after that. I think we both woke up for the day around 4 and got out of bed at 5.

My job flexibility enabled me to get 3 hours of work complete before my 8:50 doctor’s appointment.  I had a blood test today to see my genetic probability of cancer (specifically colon due to family history) and breast cancer (because that is automatically checked).  I go back on December 12th for my results.  Even with the lack of sleep, my day has been pretty good so far with a lot of work done and Roger’s OT and play date looming ahead of me.  I am sure I will be ready for bed come 6:30!

Always something.

Update on the remainder of my week:

Wednesday I had an appointment with a new therapist.  I was told to arrive 15 minutes early to fill out paperwork.  I arrived early and no one was there until about 10 minutes after my appointment time.  That was a huge turn off.  Second turn-off was the décor.  Way too much cutesy/ranch type of décor with an overload of essential oils.  My third issue was her disagreeing with my internist about ending hormones at the five year mark.  And the final issue was that my appointment ended at 45 minutes (and that included the time they were late and the paperwork was filled out), so in actuality my session was 20-25 minutes and cost my co-pay of $40.  I did make a second appointment for November, but am not sure if she is the right fit.  Maybe I should try a second go.  I’m sure I will obsessively think that through.  That same day I made a flu shot appointment for Roger.  That was traumatic.  We got the numbing patch and he still cried and screamed when the shot was administered.

Yesterday I took my husband to his endoscopy/colonoscopy procedure.  One polyp was found and will be biopsied.  They took other cultures to make sure nothing else is going on in there.  He was very nervous but the general anesthesia seemed to have no affect on him after he woke up.  For me, I am usually tired and I nap and then I’m up all night.  He was up the remainder of the day and went to Roger’s hip hop class with me.

The beginning of the week I made a doctor’s appointment for my remaining cough and my stuffed right ear/popping ear.  Today was my appointment and I was correct:  I have an ear infection now.  It is always something!  Another round of antibiotics and, hopefully, all will be clear.

It’s Fall…for a day or 2

Fall weather has finally hit the DFW area.  After yesterday’s high of 95, today has a high of 71.  Unfortunately, this weather will not last long as Friday and Saturday soars back up to 91!  Appreciating the dropped temperature, we will be voyaging to the Pumpkin Patch after this morning’s camp.

Of course, it wouldn’t be our normal schedule if only a leisurely trip to the pumpkin patch was the only thing on the agenda.  After that, we have my follow-up doctor’s appointment, Roger’s swimming lesson, and dinner at my parent’s.

On an exciting note, this weather made me crave Matzo Ball soup and search for the best in DFW.  I happened upon Cindi’s New York Deli.  There are several locations, one only about 30 minutes away.  I am so eager for some soup and latkes!

Happy Fall!

Happy Monday

I absolutely love Mondays and will always try to choose not to make any Monday appointments.  I get back into my groove on Mondays.  I get back into the swing of work, get back to my days alone, get back to my food and exercise regime.  Mondays are great for me.

Last week ended with me completely worn out from my first week back at work.  I hope this week I am not so wiped by the time the weekend comes.  I was an absolute nightmare to be around yesterday morning!   Depression, anxiety and stress were the key words.  Today, I am a cheery lady.  Hmm, maybe we should not discount that bipolar diagnosis!

 

Back in the Saddle Again

Yesterday was my first day back at work.  It was an 8 hour day.  I took hourly breaks to walk and move my arms.  During my lunch break, I did my 10 minute headspace meditation program and rested in bed an additional 10 minutes or so.  After school, Roger had homework and then Occupational Therapy.  After OT, we had our normal Chick-fil-A dinner and play date with his friend at our house.  It was a long day, especially since part of my workload occurred between the 7 to 9 o’clock hours.  I was very sore by the time I went to bed and woke up pretty sore too.

Today, I, again, took breaks and had my meditation/rest time during lunch.  This afternoon will be pretty packed with Roger having a trial singing lesson at School of Rock, followed by his swimming lesson, followed by dinner at my parents house, followed by spelling homework, followed by showers/bed.  I’m exhausted thinking about it!  However, the routine and new 5 minutes-per-hour (in the morning) exercise schedule has put me in a better mood than I have been.

I am hoping my health, wellness, and recovery will flourish.

Today I am very hopeful.

Health update

Yesterday morning I had a lumbar epidural.  I had a choice between local or general anesthesia.  I chose general anesthesia and am glad I did.  The back doctor had wanted a caudal epidural but I had extra bony growth, so the needle could not go the whole way in.   They had to do a higher injection.  The downside is that while I was under I coughed/sneezed the entire time.  I came out of anesthesia with a bad sore throat, almost no voice, and a raw nose.  Thankfully, they said I kept apologizing, so at least I was nice while under!  However, I had Rob make me an appointment at our internist to see if I had more than just bad allergies.  Today was my appointment and I have ANOTHER sinus infection.

My second appointment of the day was my follow-up with my orthopedic surgeon re: my ulnar nerve surgery.  I am doing very well and she released me back to work on Monday.  I told her how my other fingers are going numb and she fit me for a carpal tunnel splint.  However, she thinks the problem is stemming from my cervical issue.  I guess time will tell.  I have another follow-up in 3.5 weeks.

I would be in a better mood if I got more than 2 hours 19 minutes sleep last night.  The antibiotic shot must be somewhat working because my headache has subsided.  Here’s hoping I am more myself before I head back to the workforce Monday!

A bit down

Today I woke up feeling down, just an overall feeling of sadness.  I looked around the messy living room and felt unease.  I really wanted to clean it all up but was lacking the energy.  Also, I had plans for coffee with some friends.   I reluctantly went to coffee, for when I am down I am not feeling social.  It was a nice hour but I still felt down and tired when I left (despite the additional 16 ounces of coffee).

I keep wondering why I feel so down and today’s Headspace meditation had me realize one factor.  Today, it was focusing on if you are feeling pain and I realized my intention through the meditation and during this sick leave was to recover and rejuvenate.  I am still in pain through my arms, my entire back, and now my feet.  With virtually weeks of rest, my body has not rejuvenated itself.  It has actually worsened in some areas.  I was hoping when I was to return to work I would feel better than when I had my last working day.

A little bit more

Everyday I try to do a little bit more.  This weekend’s little bit ended up putting me twenty steps backward yesterday.  I felt horrible head to toe.  I did virtually nothing all day.  Luckily, Roger had a play date and ABA therapy that gave me rest time.  Then, we took Roger to my parent’s house and we shopped and ate dinner.  The shopping was a little too much for me, so I waited in the car for Rob.

Today I woke up feeling 19 steps ahead of yesterday.  I was dreading reading to Roger’s class due to how I felt yesterday.  However, it was a pretty painless venture despite half the class gabbing/interrupting and Roger unable to sit still since I was there.  Immediately following, I had a podiatrist appointment.  I have been in pain for quite some time in my left inner foot.  I had a similar problem a year or so ago on my right foot, but not this extreme.  I decided to go to a private practice rather than one of those big ortho offices, like I did last time.  He saw the orthotics I had gotten prior and said they were garbage and should not have cost me more than $10.  I believe that with the prescription the arches were around $50.  He had my foot molded for full length orthotics that will last 10 years, as opposed to having to buy them yearly.  He also said I needed to wear shoes at all time.  In the house, instead of slippers, I have to wear birkenstocks.  Once my arm is cleared, he gave me some stretches for me to do daily to help stretch the area.  Again, I am quite pleased with my decision.

Although it seems to be a year with some health issues, I am very content with my decision making and know that in the long run I will be healthier and happier!

Still on Medical Leave

Everyday I have thought about updating my blog and everyday I am too exhausted to open the computer.  The high allergens are not helping my activity level.  Add to that the limited activity of the day and I am an achy zombie most of the day!  I have not been consistently taking any pain medication (even OTC, especially due to the fact I am having a lumbar epidural next Wednesday).  My sleep and energy levels are the same post-op as pre-op, which I am not very happy about.  I have been sleeping alone downstairs and I still cannot get a consistent five hours of sleep per night.  I have begun taking melatonin which makes me fall asleep quicker, but does not aide in any other way.

I don’t want this post to be all bah humbug, so I will note some positive changes I have been trying to make in the past couple weeks.  I have been attempting daily meditation via the app Headspace.  Secondly, I have started using MyFitnessPal app again, consistently.  I have shed a couple of pounds but find it hard to lose weight if I try to eat more than 1200 calories, which is too restrictive for me.  Hopefully when I can add some exercise in, that will help my endeavor of losing these 35 pounds I have gained in TX the past 4  years!

Next Thursday, I have my next appointment with my surgeon and am hoping I can go back to work part-time, at least.  I am very bored but do not think I have the energy level for full-time work, yet.

Sunday, Glum Day

Well, I tried the hydrocodone with Benadryl to see if I could avoid the itchiness. It did not work, so I am taking 4 Advil every 8 hours or so.  I slept much better last night due to the lack of itching and lack of repeated daytime naps. The day of surgery was like one long nap most of the day. Yesterday and today, I took only one afternoon nap. 

The surgeon told Rob that my pain level would not increase from how I felt post-surgery. That’s not really been the case. Today my inner arm and elbow both feel like they’ve been cut open (which they have). Plus, my right shoulder feels wonky. It must be because of relying on my right arm these past few days. And, of course, when moving some Garbage Pail Kids, my left lumbar back went out/popped. I took muscle relaxers and put the heating pad on it, but it still hurts.

I attempted my first shower with a garbage bag arm and Rob waiting right outside. Who knew that a simple shower that is usually refreshing could wipe someone out so much!  

Tomorrow is the first day of 1st grade and Rob’s last day home with me. Here’s hoping it is an easier day!

Post-surgery 

I slept in and off til about 6 pm yesterday. The most painful part of the surgery was getting my wedding ring cut off. I’m not being poetic — that archaic tool actually hurt!  I was in good spirits until around 1 am. 

At 1 am, my cat let me know she was in the room. I got up, let her out, and came back to bed realizing the ice pack leaked through one of my stacked pillows. Well, I took a hydrocodone and could not fall back to sleep due to the itching.  About an hour or so later, I realize my hand is swelling and googled if that’s okay. 

Fast forward to the dogs barking and me waking my husband up at 7.  He tells me to call the surgeon about my hand. She says it is not normal and to remove the ace bandage to see if that helps. If not, I have to call her back. 

I’m eagerly awaiting with two ice packs on my hand/arm. Not the best second-half to day 1 of post-surgery!

Twas the Night Before Surgery

Yes, tomorrow is the big day:  ulnar nerve decompression and transposition.  I haven’t written lately due to trying to get done as much as I can before surgery and before Roger’s first day of school on Monday.  I have been so wrapped up in planning that I have not had much time to think about the surgery.  That was until last night.

Last night, Roger woke me up around 1 am to move into his bed.  After he woke me, I started calculating the amount of hours I had before my surgery.  I was up the next two hours, consumed with thoughts of surgery.  Thankfully, I fell asleep for a couple more hours before starting the day.

Anxious is the feeling of the day.  Hopefully, that will soon pass, and the new feeling will be rested.

2nd opinion – ulnar nerve

Today’s appointment was the  polar opposite of yesterday’s appointment.  The nurse brought me back about 10 minutes early to thoroughly go through my paperwork.  A few minutes after that the doctor came in.  She wanted to see my cervical reports and wanted to make a clear determination of pain stemming from my elbow v. pain stemming from my neck.  She said that what I have is called “double crush syndrome”.  This led to doing many different tests.  A few showed “Wartenberg’s sign” where I am unable to keep my pinky finger squeezing my ring finger.  The tests were timed and by the time they were done both fingers were far apart from each other.  Another test showed my incredible weakness in my left arm.  I was not even aware it was so weak.  It seemed like one of those illusions.  She scratched along the nerve and did strength tests and she easily pushed my arm towards me.  Unlike yesterday’s opinion, she said the EMG had shown severe compression and my nerve is working less than 50%.  Due to all of the above, the only solution would be surgery on my left arm.  She said it was beyond the realm of physical therapy or just wearing a brace at night.  Also, the other surgeon suggested decompression surgery.  This surgeon disagrees.  She states decompression usually ends with another surgery down the line to move the nerve.  Therefore, the surgery would combine both decompression and transposition of the ulnar nerve.  From what I have read, a lot of patients agree with this approach and do not understand why their surgeons only opted for decompression.  She also thoroughly went through the surgery process and will have a pre-op with me to review the surgery and all my instructions.  She said to bring a list of questions.  Wow!  The other surgeon was not going to have a pre-op.

Surgery is scheduled for Friday, August 25th and the pre-op that Monday, August 21st.  She was so thorough that I currently cannot think of any questions! Three days after surgery is Roger’s 1st day of 1st grade.  I am hoping to be on my feet to see him into the doors of the school with Rob.  These next few weeks will be crazy and the following six will be in recovery.   Full recovery takes 3-6 months.  Roger was happy to announce that in 6 weeks after surgery, I can tie his shoes again!  Silly boy!

 

Ulnar nerve entrapment, 1st Opinion

Today, I had the first appointment with a surgeon to discuss my ulnar nerve entrapment.  After a large packet of paperwork was completed, I was brought into the back by the nurse and/or surgeon’s assistant.  He led me through a series of tests and questions (a lot that I had just answered in the pile of paperwork).  After about 10 minutes, he said the doctor would be in.  The doctor repeated a couple of the tests I had just done and really did not ask too much about symptoms.  Maybe he read the paperwork!  He said there were two options:  1)  sleep in a brace to improve the symptoms, which would take roughly 3 months or 2) cubital tunnel release surgery.  He said since the muscle in my hand is not atrophied, surgery is not the only option.  I forgot how he worded it, but my retort was, “Well, I do not want to wait for atrophy to have the surgery”.  He said since my nerve entrapment is severe, he recommends surgery but wanted to give me another option since some patients want to avoid surgery at any cost.  He did not go into the details of the surgery at all.  I had a few questions for him regarding the surgery and recovery.  If I had not asked any questions, the appointment would have lasted maybe 3 minutes with him.  I said I would like to schedule the surgery and he said, “My staff will come in to schedule, I’ll next see you at surgery”.  Lack of bedside manner is an understatement.

From the get-go, I was a little hesitant of this appointment.  When I left the pain doctor, she said I needed surgery and had 2 recommendations but knew my primary care physician would want to give her own referral.  When my PCP’s office called to discuss the EMG and referral, the nurse said my doctor wanted to use this practice and the nurse saw there was a specialist in hand, wrist, elbow at the Flower Mound office.  It was a recommendation for a practice, not a doctor.  I still kept the appointment due to good online reviews of the surgeon (and would still use him, if need be).  However, I reached out to my pain doctor for her recommendations and have a second opinion appointment scheduled for tomorrow morning.  I am hoping to get a better vibe from this doctor.  I know this surgery is inevitable, I would just like a surgeon who discussed it further with me, rather than me having to pry information out of them.

ACDF 2nd Opinion

Today I had my second opinion for ACDF surgery with a neurosurgeon.  I already scheduled ACDF surgery with an orthopedic surgeon for October 19th.  I spent a long time with the nurse going over my back pain history, therapies, treatments, and doing some reflex and strength tests. Once that was completed, the nurse said the surgeon would come in to discuss the results of my MRI.  He plainly stated that he only urges surgery if 1) the spinal cord is compressed or 2) weakness. Since I don’t have either at the current time, he does not recommend surgery now.  He did say, though, that I will need surgery in the future due to the disc degeneration/spondylosis.  He recommended traction kit to use at home for 30 minutes a day/daily for 3 months.  He  put off having ACDF surgery on himself for 10 years by doing traction for 3 months, every two years.  He said he knew it was time once traction no longer worked.
At first I was relieved.  I am looking at a possible surgery on my arm/elbow and cannot imagine two surgeries in such close proximity of each other.  However, then I was wondering how long do you put off surgery?  I have read of individuals who waited too long and had the surgery but the nerves could not recover.  I will reach out to my PCP and let her know and ask her thoughts, since my thoughts are overwhelming!  

End of Week 9, Beginning of Week 10

The end of last week started Roger’s 7th birthday celebration.  Thursday night he could not sleep because he was so excited for Friday night’s Queen concert.  He was tossing and turning all night, sounding like he may be sick, and awoke at 4 am.  That day his sitter was sick and he had to occupy himself while I worked.  In the afternoon, we met his first grade teacher, looked around the classroom and around the school at some new things going on.  He was even given a kit kat for that night and some M & Ms from his principal.  He was thrilled, especially as she announced his birthday on the loudspeaker as we left the building.  I had an afternoon dentist appointment, which the candy made Roger hyper for but he did well waiting for me.  Luckily, I got him to take an hour nap before we left for the concert.  He enjoyed the show and was very excited during “Crazy Little Thing Called Love” but starting crashing at 10:30 pm.  However, when we got in the car, he perked up and fell asleep around 12:30.  Unfortunately, he woke up at 6 am on Saturday for his birthday.  Saturday was a pretty full day that started with gift opening.  We also had our dogs’ obedience class, followed by lunch, a classmate’s birthday party, School of Rock, pizza and cake with my parents and his best friend, Amanda, and her family.  Finally, he fell asleep around 9:30 pm and woke up at 7:30 am.  He NEVER sleeps that late.  It was amazing!  Sunday was his formal 7th birthday party at Bach to Rock.  It was the latest party we have had for him — ending at 4:30.  We were exhausted afterwards.  The birthday weekend ended with some lego play and Mooyah for dinner.

Last night an allergy attack woke me up around 4 am.  To say that I am a little tired is an understatement.  So, the start of my day was trying to fall back asleep followed by some Buzzfeed, mail, facebook, etc.  For some reason starting a new week put my mood in a bit of a damper.  In the past (even recent past), weekends seemed more stressful than weekdays.  Possibly, that is due to the fact that I like structure.  However, the past few weekends have relaxed me quite a bit.  I was blaming some of my back/arm pain on lack of sleep.  My pain levels have been pretty low Friday and Saturday which does not correlate with the lack of sleep.  It doesn’t even correlate with stress levels.  Setting up the house and the party are both stress factors for me, but neither aggravated my upper back/neck/head aches.  This week I have my 3 important surgeon appointments while experiencing virtually no pain.  My left arm was in a ton of pain last Thursday but that feels like a lifetime ago.  My headaches have been very mild the past 1.5 weeks.  I feel like my body is correcting itself before I make a commitment to surgery!  Due to no known nerve damage, I am pretty sure I will not opt for neck surgery .  The severe damage to my left arm nerve (assuming ulnar nerve entrapment) may force me to have surgery, pain being present or not.  If the time allots, I will give a brief synopsis of my appointments Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday.

 

Medications

Yesterday, I felt some of the side effects of the migraine medication.  First off, the neurologist told me I would be groggy in the morning.  I usually am groggy, so I did not think it would be a big deal.  However, that grogginess was present the whole day.  I even had afternoon coffee and was exhausted.  Another side effect I had was intense abdominal pain/cramps.  That is seen as a severe side effect and may be caused due to an interaction with fluoxetine.  That made the decision for me:  I’d rather have these headaches than suffer the side effects.  Usually my headaches are just annoying, like the constant ringing.  I’d take that issue over the intense fatigue or increased fogginess (the side effect of the other medication he was going to prescribe).  I also looked up the drug interactions between the muscle relaxer, anti-inflammatory, fluoxetine, and simvastatin.  The muscle relaxer and fluoxetine have a severe interaction — can cause serotonin syndrome.  Therefore, I have decided to forgo the muscle relaxer as well.

This morning Roger woke us up late — 7:30!  I am virtually pain-free today in my neck area and right arm.  My left arm has discomfort from the ulnar nerve issue.  However, this may be a big indication for me to forgo ACDF surgery.  I have the second opinion next week and, after our weekend away to Galveston, I will stop the anti-inflammatory to see how my body is feeling.  I cannot be on an anti-inflammatory long-term, so if the pain is manageable sans medications, the surgery decision is made.

 

Week 9 of Summer

It seems like I miscounted the weeks in my previous blogs.   We have entered week nine of summer.  This has been a week of some resolutions:   as per the neurologist, my chronic headaches are migraines and I started medication last night and, second, as per my pain management doctor, my EMG shows severe ulnar neuropathy with the recommendation of surgery on my left arm.

Upside of neurology appointment:  he thinks the my migraines may be causing some of my back pain and, perhaps, the medication will lessen the pain (as well as stop the headaches).  Also, he was not convinced ACDF surgery is necessary.  He is the first professional who has given me that opinion.  I have a thorough appointment regarding a formal second opinion of surgery with a neurosurgeon next Tuesday.  After facing surgery for my elbow, I am hesitant about having a second surgery this year.

Next Wednesday, I have an appointment with an orthopedic surgeon who specializes in the elbow, hand and wrist.   His nurse told me that he is scheduled out about two weeks for surgeries.  Hopefully, I can schedule a surgery sooner than later because the pain is worsening during the day, as well as the tingling during the night.  It seems like those days off I was hoping for when Roger would be back to school are coming…although I did not want surgery to be the reason why!

Remainder of Week 6 and Week 7

Life has been completely overwhelming!  That, actually, may be the biggest understatement I have made in a while.  I do not do well with stress, so for others, these weeks may not seem like such a big deal, but for me they have been hellish!

Tuesday I was completely overwhelmed, but, as has been the case, blogging helped me snap out of it a bit.  Also, my son graduated his level of swimming and went up to a level 4.  Having a child with autism who has fears is  a double whammy – we have tried lessons year after year, but putting his head under water ended each attempt.  Now, he is constantly going under water.  It is amazing to watch!

The remainder of my week was haunted by bad back and neck pain and headaches.  I had several appointments:  physical therapy, psychologist, and my orthopedic surgeon.  As usual, my pain increased after having physical therapy and remained high through the weekend until Sunday.  From this correlation, I decided to stop going to PT.  It is no longer necessary, the doctor told me, unless it was helping.  After 6 sessions, the pain was exacerbated.  I had felt more at ease with my decision to have ACDF surgery as the doctor explained and answered my questions during my appointment.  But I also made an appointment for a second opinion, since I do not want to rush into surgery.

I have an appointment next Monday for a neurologist.  However, looking up my symptoms, my continuous headache sounds like a tension headache.  I still need to find out if there is any other issue regarding the tinnitus and dizziness, as well.  Tension is the key word of these past few months!

Yesterday, I had my EMG.  The EMG was interesting, getting shocked by a mini car battery and then needles put in my arm, moving them, while pushing against the doctor’s hand on demand. I found out that I now have to go to a hand specialist due to a nerve that is very compressed/blocked in my elbow. Add those appointments to the roster!  The upside: that was the only damaged nerve.  Those results did not help me with the decision for ACDF surgery, as I had hoped, all it did was set me up for another potential surgery on my elbow.  Great, more to obsess about!

Week 6 of Summer

Thus far, for me, summer is a bummer!  I just can’t find my happy.  I know I am being vague.  I really don’t feel like writing but hoping it may get me a tad out of this bad mood.  I felt pretty okay the end of last week.  Saturday was very stressful for various reasons regarding our dogs and pain and workload and energy.  However, Sunday I felt much better.  Unfortunately, that feeling was fleeting.

This week began in a shambles.  Monday I had a sitter for Roger, since there was no camp and no therapy that day.  I felt like a prisoner in one room to get my work done.  Yesterday, I also had physical therapy.  It lasted longer than intended and I started stressing about all the time I am missing from work for all these therapies.  This morning I woke up feeling much the same, stressed, tired, terrible headache and tinnitus that I just cannot ignore anymore.  Again, I had another physical therapy appointment and, again, stressed over missing work time.  The headaches and tinnitus are just so constant as of late.  This headache must be at least a month old.  The tinnitus is about a decade old but the volume of the past week has increased greatly.  I feel like it is making me completely crazy.  I am in such a bad mood all day long.  I feel terrible for my son and husband, but especially for my son because he does not understand why I am in a bad mood so often.  He asked my husband what was wrong with me on Saturday.

Today, I called my therapist and made an appointment for tomorrow (even more time to make up for work) and had a friend recommend a psychiatrist.  I am getting so depressed as of late that I don’t want to keep sinking deeper.  This calendar is filling up pretty quickly with more and more appointments.  Now, I just have to figure out when I can have a full day of rest.  I do not know if I can wait until the end of August!

Downer Update

I reposted yesterday’s blogs in some of the FB groups I belong to for cervical issues/ACDF surgery.  I received a lot of acknowledgement of what I have been feeling and dealing with.  I think venting helped my mood a bit.  In the evening, I took my son to him swim lesson and went to the pool afterwards for 2 hours.  My back was in lots of pain, but I did my new exercises from physical therapy that day after dinner.

This morning I woke up, again in pain, but feeling a bit more stable mentally/emotionally.  I made a few decisions that I think were partly to blame for yesterday’s mood:

  1. Do not try to start work before taking my son to camp.  I was already feeling overwhelmed/stressed from the work emails before the day really began.
  2. EAT before going to an 11 am physical therapy appointment.  I only had 3 cups of coffee and water in the morning.  As I was waiting to begin therapy, the hunger crept in.
  3. Do my exercises first thing in the morning and after dinner (on days I have physical therapy).  On days I do not have PT, add another set before picking Roger up from camp.

The exercises are hurting me and the pain is probably worse than before my first day back at physical therapy.  The headache is a bit more intense as well.  I will bring it up with her today.

This week and next are filled with appointments:  Tuesday – PT, Wednesday – PT, Thursday – Internist, Friday – PT, Monday – Pain Management, Friday – Orthopedic Surgeon.  PT wants me to come 3 times a week, so I am guessing that will fill my Tuesday – Thursday.  I can only do one appointment a day due to work.

Another interesting thing occurred yesterday.  I am not sure if it changed my mood for the better or had much of an effect at all.  I was called to schedule my ACDF surgery.  I am still unsure if I will have it and will see how therapy goes, as well as getting a second opinion.  I scheduled it for October 19th, with my pre-op on October 4th and post-op on November 1st.  Sounds like it’s so far away, but in actuality it is only 14 weeks.  It is enough time to see what is working/what is not/and make an informed decision.

Downer Alert!

It’s hard to explain how I am feeling, as of late.  I am moving through a heavy haze at all times.  Due to my cervical issues, I have constant headaches so  I have a constant pressure on my head.  I have tinnitus that is constant.  My eyelids feel so heavy at all times.  My focus is completely gone.  Each task feels so difficult and causes me so much stress.  I am constantly reactive when doing these tasks.  I have a sour expression on my face all the time.  I feel completely antisocial.  And I hate myself when I suffer through the small talk I must do on a daily basis.  I need a break from everything but how does one do that?  This summer is killing me.  I cannot even figure out how to work all my hours in a week when I look at my schedule that now includes doctor and therapy appointments daily.  After I let the dogs out earlier, I leaned my head against the wall and felt like I could stay like that all day and not move.  Sometimes when I am working, I close my eyes for a few seconds and imagine falling asleep the rest of the day.  However, it would not even be the rest of the day since these summer days are broken into chunks.  I am utterly depressed.  It is even hard to express how depressed I feel.  I think when I had post-partum depression it was about at the severity it is now.  I have a job, husband and child.  I cannot just stop doing the daily routine, no matter how much I wish I could.  This daily summer grind is killing me.  Seven more weeks of summer break.  I tell myself that I will take off a full-day of work when he is back at school, so I can rest/sleep all day.  What do I do in the meantime?  I am just so wiped out…

Monday, Not So Funday

Usually I love Monday’s.  I get to get back into my work groove and my routine, which I love to be in.  However, this morning, I had to have a work call with my boss first thing in the morning.  The call was not stressful, but a small project was given to me for the day.  As the call continued, work emails kept pouring in.  On top of that, the dogs were barking on and off.  Also, our dryer was being installed.  I just felt so much stress.  When I feel so much stress, I speed up my work and try to do hours and hours of work in a couple of hours.  I become a tad crazy about the workload and try to complete it as quickly as possible.

I do not feel accomplished today.  Instead I wonder why do I do this to myself.  There was no time frame to finish the project but I put all this weight on myself to do a good job in an efficient manner.  That is the worker they hired.  I still work at that fast speed but now my head spins in the process.

This cycle of back pain – headache – depression – lack of sleep – utter exhaustion – lack of focus/concentration is burying me in a big hole that I don’t know how to dig out of.  Also, my allergies have been making a comeback although it is not high allergy season.  I wonder if my immune system is crushed under all this.  I feel so hopelessly BLAH.

I start physical therapy tomorrow and hope that will start some good cycle.  Secondly, next Monday I have an appointment with the pain doctor and am hoping that will help as well.  I contemplate seeing a new therapist who may not be so much of a cheerleader but give me a kick in the butt, but right now I do not know if I could deal with that.  I may have to physically feel better before I start feeling better mentally.  Or should I work on both at the same time?  With it being summer, I do not have many extra hours to work with to go to doctor’s/therapist’s appointments every day.

My poor husband has to deal with the brunt of my anger/grumpiness.  I unleash it all on him.  After I do or when I am alone, I realize what a terror I have become and feel so guilty.  Yet, the next flare up, I do the same.  I hope he realizes how much I love him and appreciate his support!

Week 5 of Summer

Due to July 4th and a week with no camps, I did not write about the 5th week of Summer.  It was a difficult week pain-wise — probably one of my most grueling in quite some time.  Monday, I had my MRI and decided to track down all my past MRIs for copies.  I am still trying to see if I am able to get my ones from NYC, but that may not happen.  It was interesting reading over the results and seeing the number of MRIs I have gotten since 20414!

If not for Roger’s enthusiasm of July 4th, I would have stayed home that day in bed!  However, he had so much fun swimming at a friend’s house, playing with sparklers and watching fireworks.  Although enjoying the company of friends, I was thinking about my bed all during the fireworks…

Thursday of last week, Roger had a lot of dental procedures done — 2 crowns, 3 fillings and 4 sealants.  In the past we have tried (very unsuccessfully) laughing gas and the cocktail for pediatric procedures.  This time I opted for full-on anesthesia.  He did well through the procedures which ended up including pulling his two front teeth.  I was nervous to see how he would react to that.  When he roused, he was very sad (as predicted) and very out of it.  My heart went out to him.  Such a little boy!  Luckily, the nurse carried him to the car.  Unfortunately, I realized that I would have to carry this 70 pound boy from the garage up three stairs and into the bedroom.  I did not think he would be incapable of grabbing onto me to help with the carry.  Getting him out of the booster seat was an ordeal.  I asked him to hold onto me, but he could not comprehend nor seem to have any strength to do so.  I don’t know how, but I ended up lifting him off the floor of the garage and managed to get him onto the bed without dragging him.

He was sad for a long time and tired too.  However, he could not fall back asleep.  He just laid in bed staring at the ceiling.  Eventually, we started watching Diary of a Wimpy Kid and he started waking up more.  His sitter came by and I asked her to run a couple of errands, since he did not want to see her.  My foresight was not great, so we needed some soft foods like jello.  Also, I could not leave Roger’s side, so I asked her to walk the dogs.  After that, Roger wanted to be with the sitter, was sitting up and happy, had some jello, and was excited about the tooth fairy.  He handled the whole situation so well.  I am so proud of him.

My back, on the other hand, did not handle that carry very well.  I was in excruciating pain on Friday.  I hoped to do something easy with Roger, like go to the movies, but my back wanted me to remain home.  Seeing him almost fall asleep during a couple of errands made me realize he, too, still needed the rest.

Yesterday and today, my back still aches and I have realized that I cannot wait the two weeks to see the back doctor before getting some muscle relaxers or a good anti-inflammatory.  Tomorrow, I will call pain management physician and see if she has an earlier appointment.  Tuesday I start physical therapy and hope that will help but, from what I recall, that takes time too.

Here’s hoping week 6 ends up less painful!

 

Pain in the Back

This morning I went to my back doctor.  The picture of the human body where you are supposed to show the areas that are hurting all had little marks all over it from me.  However, the nurse told me that the way it works, despite having various degrees of pain from neck to tailbone, is starting with the area with the most severe pain.  That would be my neck/cervical area.

I have such little movement looking down or side to side.  I have to turn my back to look over my shoulder when driving.  I have had pain radiating down my arms going on months now.  I have had 2 epidural shots at the end of 2015 and mid 2016.  The first did nothing to help the pain.  The second caused excruciating pain down my arms that I had to take extra medication for.  I have tried physical therapy and chiropractic sessions for months.  So, I had to go full circle back to the orthopedic doctor.

Today, I had new xrays of my neck taken.  I have cervical spondylosis in C5 through C7, pretty severely.  Normally, he says, he would recommend epidural shots and PT to start.  Since neither helped and it has been an issue for so many years, he said surgery is my best bet.  According to the surgeon, it is a pretty simple surgery:  For this procedure, he will make an incision in the throat and movs the windpipe and esophagus aside to get to the cervical spine. He then removes the discs, replacing them with bone grafts or artificial implants.  It is a one night hospital stay and 6 week recovery.  It sounds gruesome to me!

The pain down my arms is getting more severe, more painful, and more frequent.  Also,  my fingers fall asleep each night numerous times all do to pinching nerves.  This seems the best solution.  Since the recovery time is so long, I have opted to wait until the end of the summer to get the surgery, so we can still go swimming a lot.  In the meantime (once insurance okays it), I will be getting an MRI, Physical Therapy, and a lumber epidural injection.

Hungry

I am so hungry all the time lately.  I wonder what the culprit could be.  I am exercising to help reduce stress and be healthier.  I am blogging to help with the same issues.  The one aspect of my life that is really troubling is my lack of sleep.  I keep wondering if that is why I am so hungry.

I do not want to take sleep medication but wonder what I could do differently to sleep more.  First off, I sleep in Roger’s bed and that is not going to change anytime soon.  I try to go to sleep without too much on my mind but sometimes, like last night, I kept replaying some items from the day.  I read all the tips on what to avoid and what to do to sleep better.  I am not sure if having the fitbit tell me how little sleep I am getting is causing me to sleep less and/or to feel more tired.

Today I meet with my nutritionist and will discuss hunger/sleep/mood cycle and all that good stuff.  I really am thinking the root of most of my mood issues, food issues, back issues stem from lack of sleep and the inability for my body to restore itself due to that.

Anyhow I just finished breakfast/lunch and would love another cup of coffee.  I shall resist the urge and trudge along.

Tuesday

Today was another productive morning:  loaded the dishwasher, did another load of laundry, took out the garbage and recycling, got the pups ready for their grooming (which my husband took them to on his way to work), cleaned up a kitty mess from being stuck in the laundry room overnight, got Roger ready for camp and did Headsprout with him before he left.

Again, I was able to ride the FitDesk for a little over an hour while I worked.  This morning I was incredibly hot — probably hot flashes — and I decided to take a quick shower afterwards.  That helped me immensely.  I also switched to wearing a very light summer dress.  I feel so much better now.

Routine excites me more than anything out of the ordinary!

Quick update:  my back gave it’s notice for the rest of day.  It is hurting so bad.  Should be fun lugging stuff to the pool….