Month: June 2015

It is amazing how energized I know feel now that Roger’s IEP is over.  I still have to sign the IEP tomorrow at Loma Vista.  Although I was hoping to get a referral for school OT, I do understand they need to see how he does in the school setting.  Hopefully, he will already have his evaluation completed and be a participant in the Sensory Clinic at CSUC by the time he turns 3.  Roger will continue to get 45 minutes of speech therapy per week through the school district and I may continue to pay for a second private session per week.  Finally, his classroom was assigned.  Roger will be in the inclusion classroom at Innovative.  During our initial tour of Loma Vista, the school psychologist stated that it is very rare that they put a new preschooler in the inclusion program and restated that during the IEP.  However, they think Roger is very intelligent with some very great cognitive skills for his age.  The consensus was that his autism, while noticeable, should not hinder him in this setting.  They are hoping that the quicker pace and being around typical children would aid him while being in a full special needs class may hinder him.  They have not assigned his room at Innovative yet, but it typically has 16 typically functioning children with 6 special needs children from the Chico Unified School District.  I feel very proud of Roger and excited for preschool!  We had put Roger on the waiting list for Innovative prior to his autism diagnosis.

In addition to being post-IEP, we received news today that my father is cancer-free and his next appointment is scheduled in three months!

This week, I truly feel lucky!

Last night, around midnight, I woke up to use the toilet.  Snuffles came in and laid down.  I brought her into the office to be with Rob.  Crawled back into bed, yet I could not fall back asleep.

The thought(s) keeping me awake:  my upcoming surgery.  I started thinking about Monday’s pre-op appointment, the day of surgery, the aftermath, etc.  I think the focus of my last couple of weeks, Roger’s appointments and finding a dog, were wonderful distractions from me.

Yesterday, at Roger’s playgroup, a mother told me that her mother-in-law just had a laparoscopic hysterectomy three weeks ago.  She just returned to work and is still in pain.  Now I am very worried as to how Roger will respect my body’s need for recovery.  He is too young to understand.  He touches everything roughly, not meaning to do harm.  We have been trying to teach him gentle, especially with the addition of Snuffles.  However, he is not good at generalizing this skill.

There are two weeks left to worry, have night terrors, be sleep deprived all in the name of obsessing over my surgery.  I am glad I chose the first available appointment, otherwise this brain racking would continue for a longer time.

As most of you know, we have a new addition to the clan:  our lovely pekingese, Snuffles Israel.  The journey to Snuffles began after the removal of Roger’s EEG.

With the bulk of Roger’s appointments having been in Sacramento (a 1.5 hour drive from Chico), we always try to do something fun while in the area.  This particular day we decided to take Roger to Funderland — an amusement park for toddlers which we had noticed after taking him to the zoo after his other neurologist appointment.  After Roger rode on all the rides, I noticed a pony ride a few yards away from the entrance.  What happened to also be at the pony ride was a showing of dogs from a shelter.  One dog, not in the enclosure, caught Rob’s eye.  Rob now wanted a dog, this dog.  I have been eager for a dog, but Rob has thought of excuse after excuse (most notably our landlords not wanting pets in the house we rent).  However, Rob got the contact information on the dog and called the following day.  After some prodding, the foster family said we could adopt the dog.  Rob called our landlords, had a lengthy discussion, and they ok’d a small, housetrained dog (I previously brought up the issue via e-mail but was not currently interested in any particular animal).  Unfortunately (or fortunately in hindsight), the foster family called back and said they were too attached to their dog.

That set off an obsession in me to search the local shelter websites, petfinder.com, adoptadog.com, etc. for our new doggie.  I made a few appointments at Butte Humane Society and the Chico shelter to meet some doggies.  None were the right fit, fortunately.

I kept the quest up and found two adorable Pekingeses through the North California Pekingese Rescue:  Snuffles in Sacramento and Butter in Berry Creek.  I made an appointment to meet Snuffles after Roger’s neurologist appointment on Thursday the 18th and to meet Butter on Sunday the 21st in Oroville.  Well, it was a family affair with my mother, father, Roger and me on the 18th.  We fell in love with Snuffles, so we decided to go back on Saturday before Roger’s endocrinologist appointment and have Rob meet the little lady.  As soon as Rob saw her, he was attached!  So, we went to the appointment and headed back to adopt our new doggie!  As if our schedule was not packed enough, I fitted in a grooming appointment and veterinary appointment this week!  What are two more appointments when you don’t have a moment to breathe!  Hey, but she’s worth it.

The past couple of weeks have been incredibly hectic.  Poor Roger has had so many doctor appointments…and they happened to be in Sacramento.

Two weekends ago (Friday and Saturday the 12th and 13th), we had to go to Sacramento for Roger’s 24 Hour Ambulatory EEG.  The attaching of the EEG was an arduous hour in which Roger screamed and sweated so heavily that the electrodes on his forehead had to be reapplied a couple of times.  We were so concerned about how Roger would do with the EEG on his head…would he be pulling at it constantly?  could he sleep at night with it on his head?  would he keep the backpack containing the component on his back without much fuss?

The 24 hours were an exceptionally mellow time.  Roger was well-behaved, only tried to remove the device twice, and slept a still 10 hours.  I think the pressure on his head actually calmed him.  I mentioned this during his follow-up appointment.  The removal of the EEG was, perhaps, even more traumatic due to Roger recognizing the medical center.  The follow-up appointment was on Thursday the 18th.  The results show he did not have a seizure and his brain activity was normal. We have our next appointment in 6 months and we hope it goes as smoothly!

This past Saturday the 20th Roger had a pediatric endocrinology appointment due to his high thyroid levels in the blood work done at the pediatric neurologist.  It was a short, positive experience.  Roger has a genetic condition that 1 in 15,000 have:  high level carrier proteins.  There is no harm done and no treatment needed unless we see a change in his tsh level or if his neck glands appear larger.  I have goiters, so I assume he received this genetic component from me.  If he has children, the doctor noted, they shall also be carriers.

Unfortunately, today Roger had a dentist appointment for a dental cleaning.  His last appointment at the dentist was for a filling of a cavity in his front tooth and the sealing of his molars.  It was a long, scary appointment.  Therefore, when hearing we were going to the dentist, Roger proclaimed “NO”.  Despite his new-found hatred of the dentist, he survived the appointment and retrieved a motorcycle from the toy box.

What a brave little man to endure so many appointments in so little time!

I have been wondering how to broach the subject of my surgery on my blog.  Numerous people have asked me what kind of surgery.  I am very open and honest.  I will be entering my 40’s with a little less of me there.  I will be having a full hysterectomy:  the removal of my uterus and ovaries.

During the time leading up to my consultation, I had researched my options and was very certain that this was going to the be the solution.  However, the hours leading up to my appointment, my anxiety started surfacing (and has remained).  The consultation lasted two hours, was very thorough, included a second ultrasound/sonogram, and concluded that this was the only real option for me.

Before leaving the office, I made the first available surgery appointment, as well as the pre-op and post-op appointments.  I am very glad I have opted for the closest surgery date.  I am already obsessing over the surgery, over the recovery with a toddler, and the meaning associated with losing your reproductive organs.

One often hears the topic of the association of the removal of breasts as the removal of “womanhood”.  However, it is undoubtedly the removal of one’s uterus and ovaries that could be considered the quintessential removal of “womanhood”.  That thought has saddened me, even though it is not something that I can see with my own eyes on a daily basis or that has been kind to me (except, of course, for the birth of my son).  Actually, I must pause and say that I am truly blessed to have been able to give birth to Roger and I will never lose sight of that.

I may be losing something physically, but gaining some insight and health for the future.

Today has exhausted me…maybe it is lack of sleep — Roger has been tossing and turning the last three nights and has disrupted my sleep terribly.  Today’s appointments between 8:30 and 12:30 has added to the fatigue:  1st evaluation at Loma Vista, Caper Acres, OT with Willow, Advance Kids, followed by work at 12:30.

At our first appointment at Loma Vista, I asked if all of his evaluations could be completed before my surgery on May 9th.  Amazingly enough, the other evaluations have been scheduled:  Speech evaluation on Friday, April 26th, Play-based assessment on Monday, April 29th (immediately followed by my pre-op appointment), and Roger’s IEP on Wednesday, May 1st.

My lists of appointments and things to-do leading up to and following surgery makes my head spin.  I actually feel myself cognizant of holding my own breath.  I have to continually remind myself to breathe!

Breathe in…breathe out…namaste.

Appointments on top of our regular therapies punctuate this month and next.  Yesterday, I had an ob/gyn appointment.  Next Thursday, Roger has his first evaluation for Loma Vista preschool (the first of three or four that must be completed in April and May).  Friday, we drive to Sacramento to have a 24 Hour Ambulatory EEG placed on Roger and will drive back Saturday to have it removed.  The following Thursday, we drive back to Sacramento to find out the results of the EEG.  For now, there is a tiny break until my pre-op appointment on Monday, April 29th.  Then, my surgery is scheduled for May 9th, with two post-op appointments scheduled for May 28th and June 24th.  As I said, that does not include the 2-3 other evaluations at Loma Vista, Roger’s IEP, a possible endocrinologist appointment for Roger, and whatever else may “come up”.

I know May might have various appointments for Roger and I will be in recovery.  It will be a difficult two months, at least. My husband asked why I was having surgery so quickly.  I needed to schedule the first open appointment for my own peace of mind.  I am already obsessing over the surgery and do not need additional months to not fully be here when my mind is elsewhere.

I am trying to get as many tickles and rough-housing done with Roger this next month because I will not be able to pick him up for 4 weeks.  We are working on a social story so he may understand what is happening to mommy.  Let’s hope that helps a bit!

I was concerned that Monday’s bedtime crying “Don’t be sad” session would leak into Tuesday.  However, Roger woke up bright eyed and bushy tailed at 2 in the morning.  He was in great spirits, had a great intervention session, went to the gym with me, went to Caper Acres (playground) with me for an hour, went to Target with me, and immediately crashed when I put him in the car to go home — 12 hours after he woke up.  After I got some lunch in my belly, I laid down too and we both had a very nice, very long nap.  He woke up so sweetly and put his head on my chest and we stayed in bed another hour just looking at each other!

Today, there have been moments of meltdowns — specifically during speech therapy and on the way home from the gym.  However, the spunky boy has been the prevalent one the past two days.  He did not nap, so I can hear him saying he’s sad to Ashley.  Unfortunately, it is too late to nap.  We will have to curb his “tired sad” for the next couple of hours til it is an early bedtime.

Let’s hope this trend continues!

Is it possible for a 2 1/2 year old to be depressed? It started out as a cute, little “I’m sad”. Then, when he got into tirades of “I’m sad”, I would tell him that I was sorry he was sad. That turned into his newer phrasing of “I’m sorry sad” which one has to admit is adorable. The new evolution of the phrase is now “don’t be sad!”. Obviously we have all told him that.
To rectify the situation we have tried using other adjectives of happy, silly, etc to help him refrain from using sad as his one emotion. However, this usually makes him scream louder, kick his legs, hit/ scratch me as he repeats, “Don’t be sad! Don’t be sad! Don’t be sad”. What is more heart wrenching are the times he has tears in his eyes and he quietly says “don’t be sad, don’t be sad”. It makes me so very sad.
I would estimate that half of each day for nearly the past month Roger has been sad. Tonight was incredibly difficult. Holding your crying baby boy in your arms as he whimpers ” don’t be sad”.
I don’t know what to do. I am hoping this is a phase. However, I tend to be a depressed soul and always wished my child would not inherit this. Maybe this warrants a call to the neurologist in the morning? Am I overreacting?
Please, tomorrow, let Roger be happy instead of sad.

Here are some short writings I did at the workshop months ago.  The topics were just exercises, like what is your favorite color.

Currently my favorite color is red.  Why red?  Mainly because it is my son’s favorite color.  He eats the red popsicles first, chooses the red train, concentrates on the red instrument in music class.  He always point to objects and says “red” excitedly.  He is a sensory seeker and, to me, the color red is a reflection of that and a reflection of him.

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I feel like I am no longer able to be what I want to be when I grow up.  My focus is not myself, but my son.  Maybe my “grown up” role is advocate.  I am my son’s advocate and I would like to advocate for others.  I facilitate the ASD Parent Support Group and hope to get more involved when I have the rest of my life in control.

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Looking at multiple databases, my eyes squint comparing information.  My head is aching and my eyes are strained.  How many hours of this do I have left?  It is becoming increasingly difficult to concentrate.  My backside is literally aching.  “Can you have the remaining 88 records completed in the next hour?”  Although I say I will try, I look at the completed folder and see only 160 records completed in the last three hours.  It is an impossible task.  My mind is trying to move faster than the computer.  Down to 28 records…that will have to do…

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The life that was before…the life before Chico, the life before Roger, the life before Autism.  I miss being alone on a city street, lost among the buildings, cars, traffic, crowds, noise.  I miss being responsible for only me.  I miss being able to go anywhere at anytime without much of a care (however, I have always been a worry wart, so I always did have a care!).  What I do not miss is not having this great love that now flows from Roger.  I love and miss the city, but would not wish to hide in that background anymore.  I am now in this little city, making strides for my amazing son who is making strides daily.

Today, being the start of Autism Awareness Month, I decided it was time to write a new post.  Then, I logged in and couldn’t believe my last post was mid-December!  So much has been happening this year.  The support group is having new attendees and new recurring attendees.  I have been trying to get healthier physically which is helping me get healthier emotionally/psychologically.  However, it has remained a stressful year.

It seems Roger needs consistency to the point that an unusual visitor, an unexpected interruption, a change in the normal routine, sets him off on hour long meltdowns.  We are actually looking into behavioral therapy to aid.  He gets his normal early intervention which has aspects of ABA.  His interventionist has a tendency to allow him to choose his activities and has been trying to make the sessions less structured.  This has impacted his other therapies, where he does not get the control, intolerable.  He screams, kicks, hits, tries scratching me, hurts himself, etc.  I take the brunt of the attack, along with himself.  It is sometimes horrific.  It is sad that I am sometimes scared of my son.  I can overtake him at 2 1/2 , but I am worried what may happen in the years ahead.  That is why a behaviorist is needed ASAP!  However, with insurance and all that crap, ASAP gets translated into months of waiting for approval.

On the flipside, Roger is absolutely loving and adorable.  He hugs me, kisses me, holds onto my leg, tries to attach himself to me.  He has a cute way of saying things:  pajamas comes out as dumb ass; “I am cute” first sounds cute then he repeats it in a death metal voice, he leads our expeditions by the back seat telling me:  this way, not that way…which is how he navigates our days.

I shall end my first post of Autism Awareness Month with my favorite autism quote (which perfectly describes my little man):  If you meet one person with autism, you’ve met one person with autism.”

Reality is setting in for me…reality that my son has autism and that it will not “magically” be gone one day.  I have kept this little part of me that holds friend’s reactions that “I would never have known he had autism if you didn’t tell us” as a token that, perhaps, we are looking too hard at Roger.  Despite the fact that Roger has had many evaluations that have come to the same conclusions, I still believed that perhaps he was not “that extreme” and that perhaps he could go mainstream without an aide.

The past few weeks have slapped me in the face.  I always glance around to see stranger’s reactions to my son.  Sometimes I even cringe at what he is doing.  However, I love him for what he is.  The “odd” behaviors are his personality.  When we go into situation with “typical” children, he is the odd man out.  BUT, at the same time, he is the one who appears to be enjoying himself the most, enjoying music more than anyone, enjoying dancing more than anyone, enjoying swinging more than anyone.

My husband and I were told by a mother of an autistic son that if, given the chance, his autism could disappear, she would not opt for that.  My husband thinks that’s a load of bull—-.  However, when I see him so full of life, I agree with that mother.  Don’t get me wrong, there is at least one time a day when I wish he could just sit still to finish a book (even a six-page book with 3 words on each page) or that he would not immediately flip out if a need/want takes more than 2 seconds to fulfill or that he could stop running in circles or shaking his head back and forth (even when he is no longer enjoying it but his body cannot stop).

I have been having massive mood swings.  I am constantly depressed and my husband gets the brunt of my rage.  I feel out of control a lot of the time, but don’t know what to do.  I am hoping I get a hold on things as time goes on and when reality sinks in more.

I love my son…I just hope it was easier (for him, for me, for my husband, for everyone).

Monday morning Roger started a “preschool” – Our Time Together that the parent also attends.  This is probably the first time in a long time that I have seen Roger in a structured space with “typically” developing children with an age range of roughly 1-2 years old.  I had told the teacher that Roger is in intervention through PIP (where the teacher previously worked) for autism, but did not share his diagnosis with the other mothers.  However, they must have concluded something because his interventionist attended (and will be attending with us).  I have to say I am thrilled Mariko will be there because there is no way in hell I could expend all that energy trying to keep Roger semi-focused and less than semi-attending.

I think that day set my mood for the week — which was a depressive, reflective mood.  Children much younger than Roger speak so much better than he does, attend so much better than he does, listen far better than he does.  It saddens me.  Having him normally around other autistic children and seeing his progress in therapy, I sometimes forget that he has these issues and that he is delayed and that is he is visibly “different”.

Yesterday, we went to the gym and when I picked him up, he was doing some peculiar behaviors — firstly, walking towards other kids lifting his shirt up to show off his belly (which is adorable and really not that terrible).  However, I then saw him kneel in front of a textured wall.  It had a picture made from stones which created bumps.  He was rubbing his face against the wall, back and forth.  I had to distract him to stop him.  That truly saddened me.  It was such an odd, sensory-seeking behavior.

This week Roger has been quite the sensory seeker and attending much less, especially during his intervention.  He has to stop and jump.  He has to stop and bang his head against our laps.  He has to stop and shake his head back and forth across my torso.  He has to put everything in his mouth (except for teethers and food).  My 28 month old is still chewing on books and any toy that can kind of fit in his mouth.

On the bright side, my son loves to laugh.  He loves to hop around the house.  He loves to repeat the last word of every line of a song or dialogue on tv.  He loves the abc’s and counting.  He loves his mommy, daddy, grandma, grandpa, Ashley and various intervention specialists who spend time with him each week.  He loves to wash his hands.  He loves watching videos, listening to songs, dancing around the room, screaming lyrics.  He has such a HUGE personality.  Everyone remembers Roger wherever we go!  I love my atypical son!!!

Yes, the year is almost over.

December just started and it feels like it is already whizzing by.  I look at my dry erase calendar for December and feel completely overwhelmed!  Besides our “normal” schedule, we have a couple of shifts — this week,  Roger’s speech therapy permanently moves to 7:45-8:30 in the morning Wednesdays and Fridays.  That may seem early to you guys.  However, Roger would be wide awake for a couple of hours by that time.  Plus, he seems more focused in the morning.  So, I am hopeful that this will be better for us all. We are still waiting to hear when his food therapy will begin and how it will fit into our packed schedule (it has been approved to start anytime in December).

In addition, being a holiday month and all, we have some extracurricular activities:  Rob’s work’s holiday party, visiting Santa, shopping, the Bizarre Bazaar, and spending our first night away from Roger to see El Vez in San Francisco.  I am anticipating a panic attack that night!

I am also planning to “fit in” a new cleaning schedule, so that I can get this place into shape!  This month also includes an IEP training and our Support Group, in addition to Hanukkah, Christmas, and New Year’s Eve (and a modified schedule for Roger’s sessions due to the holidays).  Add to this my father’s illness and my mother’s sciatica and I may exhaustingly make it to 2013!  I know I’ll blink and it will all be a blur!

Here’s hoping we all get to truly enjoy the Holiday Season!

What an odd word — glum.  When one writes out a word, it sometimes seem stranger than one had previously thought.  I actually googled glum because once typed out I was unsure if it was actually spelled correctly.  Then I saw the definitions pop-up:  moody, melancholy, and gloomy.  What a perfect word to describe my mood nearly fifty percent of the time (or maybe the entire time, since moody would infer that my mood would sometimes be gleeful).

I keep going over how I plan to make all these big changes in 2013 — healthwise,  which could affect my behavior and my glumness.  I have diagnosed myself with PMDD (yes, after watching an episode of Law and Order:  SVU).  If that is the case, they do recommend less caffeine and more exercise — 2012 has been a practice of the opposite.  I have been trying to eat healthier this week.  However, I am an emotional eater.

Yesterday, we received news that my father’s cancer has returned.  Naturally, my glumness came back in full affect with an emotional outburst of eating crap!  I am very thankful I will be able to be with my father through his treatment.  Previously, I was pregnant and he was in Florida.

2013 will be a healthier year for us all.  The end of this year and the beginning of next may have it’s trials, but we will come out stronger and more knowledgeable and, hopefully, with less glum!

Last night was the second time I did not put my son to bed.  The first time was at my husband’s Holiday Party last December; the second time (last night) was another work party.

Despite being saddened by not seeing my son go to bed, I really wanted to have a great time.  The party was great, although, at times, claustrophobic.  The fashion show and acrobatics were a lot of fun to watch.  However, as the time got closer to 9 and then 10 pm, I was completely done with the entire event.  I was glad to be able to be a part of it.  But the anti-social old lady emerged and was tired and withdrawn.  I don’t think I could have feigned a conversation if my life depended on it.

Since Roger received his diagnosis, I see aspects of myself that he has acquired.  And I learn more about myself and my own quirks that could be classified as sensory processing issues.  They do not affect me as much as they do my son and I am able to reasonably function with my issues.  Unlike my son, who sometimes gets so withdrawn or so distracted that it can be nearly impossible to get his attention.

Knowledge is power.  Learning why Roger does this or that but not this nor that has opened my eyes.  I still have so much to learn — about him, about myself, about the world.

Here’s to more knowledge!

Time is so strange.  I cannot believe that Thanksgiving is almost upon us, then a couple weeks after that  is Hanukkah, and a couple of weeks after that is Christmas, and a week after that is 2013.

Some days can feel SO LONG — like today, like this entire week.  Then, I turn around and cannot believe Halloween was almost two weeks ago and it felt like yesterday!

What makes time move so slowly and so quickly at the same time.

The time dynamic makes me want to take in everything with Roger that much more.  Some days I may be at the end of my rope, but then I think that in no time he will be in school and not want anything to do with me!  I should appreciate being his personal jungle gym!

About a month ago, I spoke with Roger’s case manager regarding preschool options.  She said we’d be meeting with an education rep during his next IEP when Roger is 2 1/2, in February 2013.  She said she could try to move the discussion closer.  Then, I realized with all the holidays, February would seem like next week.  No need to move that date up.

Tick tock, tick tock…

Here’s hoping 2013 is a healthier year than 2012 when I let stress overrun a lot of my life.

But, why should I wait, I need to start making changes sooner than later.

Tick tock, tick tock…

It seems so bizarre that it is finally election day.  So much has been going on the past few weeks:  family and friends in the tri-state area, Roger’s chronic cough appointments, Roger’s hellish sleep schedule, and life in general.

I know that in a half hour or so, I know the surreal feeling will be replaced by fear.  Fear that there is a chance that civil rights could undergo a huge regression.  Fear that my son may be affected by cuts to federal programs that help with his autism early intervention.  Fear that ignorance will prevail.

I have mixed emotions about watching the election results.

Good luck to us all!

I do not know why I do this to myself.  Watching episodes of Law & Order: SVU and having a toddler (with a disability) do not mix.  However, I torture myself.

It leaves me worrying.  Concerned about preschool, strangers, friends, family, etc.  It shows worst case scenarios — I am assuming from actual predators.  Yet, I continue to watch it and be disgusted by humanity!

Maybe someone can explain this to me.

The “Life is Good” mantra is alive and well in the Israel household.

We did have a play date today that was less than stellar.  Roger was very upset about a child coming into his house.  He was excited when he saw the mother get out of the truck, but started crying when he saw her getting the toddler out.  That mood continued off and on throughout the play date.  He kept isolating himself — going into the office or the bedroom and closing the door.

I am hoping if we have a play date at our friend’s house, perhaps, he will be in better spirits.  I also hope that his temperament does not scare off the mother or toddler and that we can continue having play dates.

Tomorrow, we will be having his intervention at the park.  His interventionist wants to help him socialize with children outside of his PIP playgroup.  After today’s play date, I think we will need to incorporate this type of session more often!

I was always anti-social until I moved out of state.  I guess my son is following in my footsteps!  Well, let me clarify that:  I was anti-social with everyone, while Roger is a social butterfly with adults but retreats when other children are involved.

It has been a good week with some minor instances — a bad cut to my finger, almost jamming Rob’s finger in the car window.  It is so easy to overlook these issues when everything else is going smoothly!

The past week and a half have been blissful.  Roger is doing really well in all of his therapies.  He is in great spirits.  This is in sharp contrast to the weeks prior when each intervention was a crying/screaming session.  Each outing had terrible, unpredictable behaviors.  It is so funny that when you are in a good place and someone commends your “special needs” parenting, you think of it as no big deal.  However, weeks ago I would have agreed with them how difficult it is.  Not to say we don’t have our bumps even while everything is going well.

Roger is giving up food.  Since roughly around 15 months, he has become pickier and pickier.  It has gotten to the point where he has weaned himself off of anything really considered food and his diet consists of very few “snack” options and homemade smoothies.  I cannot stress enough how much he does not eat.   The end came when he stopped eating pizza, chick’n nuggets, mac-n-cheese, and blueberry muffins.  I am dreading the moment when he decides he no longer wishes to drink smoothies!

Thankfully, I was told of a single food therapist in Chico (or actually a speech therapist who specializes in food needs, I believe).  I called Far Northern and am getting a referral placed for these services.  Hopefully, it will not be too long of a wait for the evaluation and services to start!

In the meantime, smoothies will continue to be Roger’s only form of nutrition — berries, apple, yogurt, protein powder and spinach.

I have decided to write a new post today.  I am not sure what this will be about or if it will go anywhere.  I logged in and realized it’s been over a month since my last posting!  It’s amazing that when I should blog most often — when things are feeling completely out of control and I should get things off my chest — is when I cannot muster up the energy to type.

This week has been very kind to me (despite the broken toe).  Roger has been an adorable toddler, Rob’s been a sweet hubby, my parents have been here when I need them, and my niece is watching my son as I work paying so much attention to him!

This week, I wholeheartedly believe in the statement:  “Life is Good”.  I know most of my posts end up sounding negative, but today I cannot refrain from pointing out all the positives in my life:  a loving husband, a fantastic, whimsical son, supportive parents and niece who live nearby, a beautiful house, the opportunity to work from home, beginning to establish friendships, a successful support group.

Therefore, I will state it one more time:  LIFE IS GOOD!

It is not unusual for me to feel overwhelmed.  However, last week, I anticipated a more restful week this week since I have been pacing my work and should be able to relax more during Roger’s naps (if he naps).  For some reason, I feel more overwhelmed than usual today.  Almost panicky.  And, did I mention, completely exhausted?!

I did hope Roger would nap today, but no such luck. Actually, he did fall asleep for about 10-15 minutes on our walk, but woke up about 3 minutes after I put him in bed.  I really could have used the rest today.  I am feeling run down and completely starving.  I am not limiting my intake today.  It’s just one of those hungry days.  Completely insatiable.

I wish my post was more than a bitch and moan, bitch and moan.  BUT this is what it is.  As I typed that sentence, I heard a thud against the house.  As I look out of the window, I see 3 high school kids walking by.  Perfect timing, you stinkers!

Last night while cuddling next to my sleeping toddler, I questioned my whole thought on transitioning him to his own bed.  I love these nights and waking up to him in the mornings.

However, that thought quickly vanished when, not even hours later,  the little man was rolling all about my head.  He wants to share my pillow — meaning I have about 4 inches of space for my head and the rest is for his head.  I guess dangling my head from the bed seems like a good solution to him!

Through his morning wake-up ritual of rolling all over the bed, singing his “nay nay” and “da da da’s”, putting his finger up my nose and labeling “nose”, I tried to explain to him that we were going to get him his own big boy bed that he will be sleeping in on the floor of his own bedroom.  I am quite certain he did not listen to a word I said.

Me being perpetually grumpy and him being perpetually whiny is a cycle that needs to end soon.

Let’s hope we survive til then!

Yes, sirree I am writing in my blog two days in a row!

My new obsession is redesigning Roger’s bedroom into a somewhat Montessori toddler room.  This weekend we will shop for a twin mattress, some Roger-picked sheets, maybe a small bookcase…What started this frenzy?  Two things, primarily:  Number 1 is complete lack of sleep — Roger is sleeping so terribly and causing me to sleep terribly as well.  This is not making for pleasant days; just very moody, long ones!  Secondly, the occupational therapist suggested we start the process of weaning him from the family bed.

I have tried mentioning this to Roger, but I am not sure he knows yet what I am speaking of.  I think he will love the idea of a twin bed on his bedroom floor.  I do not think he will love the idea that he is supposed to sleep in it by himself.

However, I do realize that preschool starts in less than a year and I have been trying to keep my toddler a baby.  I think we’ve been subconsciously doing so because of his delays.  I have seen great strides in therapy and I think it is time for us to put more control in Roger’s itty bitty hands!  Choosing some clothes, brushing his teeth, possible potty training down the line, and sleeping in his own bed.

All of this may be more difficult for me than him…

Well, it has been two months since I have written in my blog.  However, I would not refer to it as a respite.  With Roger’s current therapy schedule and my current sitter/work schedule, we have little spurts of free time:  Tuesdays after 10:30 til Roger’s possible naptime, Monday afternoons and Wednesday afternoons after 3:15.  Of course, our weekends remain pretty open with the exception of errands.

It seems that after 3 plus years here in Chico, we may be starting to find our niche.  Roger has his “girlfriend” and his best friend.  That is a good start!  Roger is a high commodity here in town. It seems wherever we go, people tend to remember Roger from our days at the library.  I will attribute this to his very big personality and non-stop running/dancing/touching/escaping.

What else can I say about the past two months?  Well, Roger turned two.  Both sets of grandparents were at his birthday party!  Our ASD support group is growing.  My parents help Rob and I get time alone and help me on a daily basis — either with helping with Roger or just listening to me.

With all these good things happening, it is hard to imagine that I can still be a bit blue.  However, I am and I think that may have been one of the factors of my writing halt.  I felt entry after entry was just depressing.  Secondly, time was and still is an issue.

We will see how often I keep this up.  Not a very exciting post, but a post nonetheless.  Cheers to me!

As is usual, I have been very reflective.  I am a very polarizing individual, I do believe.  I am opinionated, can be loud, can be obnoxious, am usually sarcastic, have a realistic (i.e., pessimistic) outlook on life, etc.  I think some people cannot deal with such a person.  I have decided, “To thine own self be true…”.  I am not going to be one person for you and a different person for others.  The only instance I do this is in professional relations.  However, if we are “friends” or “acquaintances” and you do not like my blunt viewpoint, you may “defriend” me both on Facebook and in life.  That may seem harsh, but what I truly have as a pet peeve is someone who complains, is negative and bleak in one instance and portrays themselves like an optimistic, cheery, blessed being for others.  Listen, I am a complainer and usually have a dismal outlook.  Yes, I do love my family and my life and am “blessed”, but I am not a sugary sweet individual.

In some aspects of my life I have decided to take some initiative to alter my personality a bit.  I have a tendency to rib the individuals I am closest to (especially my husband).  We bicker back and forth and constantly make fun of each other.  We are both laughing as we do so, but I no longer find this healthy.  People looking at us may think we do not like each other much.  I don’t want Roger to think we do not respect each other and that it is okay to “make fun” of people.   I respect my husband and he respects me, but I think we get carried away.  Maybe we are both struggling comedians (We are both jewish…hmmm).

Life is complicated.  People are complicated.  I confuse even myself.  I may need to change in some areas, but overall I like my Opinionated Pinko-Commie self!

I have been in a bit of a slump…have not been blogging, have not been exercising as much as I should, have not been sleeping well, have not been eating well, have not been managing stress well.  To sum it up, I have been down in the dumps and you would not want to be near me most of the time.

I have always been a morning person, so every morning I awake in pretty good spirits.  However, that feeling quickly gets dissolved by exhaustion.  Then, I usually try to talk myself into a new, healthy start:  I will exercise on such and such days, I will start eating this and that and not eating that and this, etc.  Then, when gym time starts creeping up on me, I start thinking, but I am too tired to work-out, I have too many other things to do, or could I just go to bed instead?  The cycle continues into all areas of my life and it just adds to the depression.

How does one get out of this place?  I feel like I have been here for years!

Saturday was my thirty-ninth birthday. I woke to a happy little boy sticking fingers in my face. I love waking up next to the lil man. Rob continued the happy momentum by showering me with gifts! It was a fantastic, mellow morning.

We started the brunch hour with a walk to the farmer’s market, followed by mimosas and pizza at Grana. Roger was such a good boy at brunch. Afterwards, we went to the park, got coffee, and took a walk until Roger fell asleep for his nap.

Fortunately, my parents were able to watch Roger while Rob and I had a nice dinner out. I failed to mention that we were able to fit in a movie during Roger’s nap, Amoldovar’s “The Skin I Live In”. It has been quite a long time since I was able to enjoy a good movie at home.

I couldn’t have asked for a better way to start my thirty-ninth year!

Now that Roger’s therapy has begun again (this time with an interventionist who is supposed to remain Roger’s interventionist until his program ends at the age of 3), I am feeling that things are falling back into place.  Add to that the fact that Roger is starting to bond with his grandparents, I can feel myself almost able to heave a sigh of relief!

I think Roger and I function better with a consistent and full schedule.  In the next few weeks, his interventionist schedule will become a consistent M-F 8:30 start time.  When that happens, I feel our schedule will be complete and that we will know what to expect next (as much as one can).

That being said, he will be having his speech therapy evaluation in July and start speech therapy in August.  I hope that will not cause a big upheaval.

At least, July should be a very good month!

Looking forward to a time of peaceful existence…whenever that may be!